Close to you
by Rach CD McKenzie
Summary: 6 years down the line...what's changed? Everything. Can Ryan and Marissa overcome their past so they can be together? What about Seth and Summer
1. Little Black Box

A/N Hey, this is my new fic Closer to you and basically it follows the gang's lives after college and when they are all grown up…bless! Prepare for drama, heartbreak, laughter and romance! PLEASE review and tell me what you think and I will be very grateful. Thanks and enjoy!

A/N2 Two years have passed and the gang are all 20. Ryan passed his degree with flying colours coming top of his class and has immediately been offered an internship at The Newport group, Marissa and Summer took fashion courses and Summer has been offered a job at a top fashion company. Marissa is taking a year off before trying for a career in fashion or modelling. Seth completed a degree in art and design and English and has sent his new designs for atomic county to a leading comic book agency after the first draft fell through last time. Ryan and Marissa are still going strong and share an apartment in Newport, Seth and Summer are still together and live in the apartment across from Ryan and Marissa and the fantastic four is still fantastic.

Ryan leant back in his armchair and pounded the x button furiously on the play station controller as he tried to kill the ninja that was stabbing him. He sighed as the words Game over flashed across the screen and he set the controller down on the coffee table. He took a swig of beer and ran his fingers across the stubble forming over his chin. He stood up and crossed the living room stepping over a pile of Marissa's clothes and walking into the bedroom. He looked around the silent apartment before pulling open his nightstand drawer and reaching for something. He took the small, black, velvet box in his shaking hands and stared down at it uncertainly his heart hammering and the blood rushing in his ears was almost deafening in the silent apartment. He opened the box slowly revealing the silver ring inside, the sapphire in the centre (almost the exact colour of Marissa's eyes) shimmered as the light caught it and the diamonds surrounding it sending small glimmers across the walls. He couldn't believe he was doing this, he couldn't believe he was actually going to ask her. What if she said no? He would be so humiliated and $3000 out of pocket. Suddenly the box slipped out of his shaking hands and rolled across the floor. Ryan groaned and got down on his knees and picked up the box. The door to the bedroom opened with a creak sending beams of light into the dimly lit room. Ryan's heart stopped, what if it was her? He looked up, ring still in hand and saw Seth standing in front of him. He was slightly taller and his hair was wilder than before but as a grin spread slowly across his face the familiar dimples re-appeared. He looked from the ring to Ryan and then back to the ring his grin widening as Ryan crouched there on his knees the ring still held out in his hand. Seth drew a hand to his chest dramatically and fanned himself with the other…

"Oh Ryan! Yes! I will!" He said in a high falsetto still fanning himself dramatically. Ryan shoved the ring in his pocket and hurled a nearby cushion at Seth hitting him in the face. Seth laughed as Ryan got to his feet and his grin faded slightly.

"So, I take it that ring Isn't for me then?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Ryan sighed smiling slightly and stepping closer to Seth.

"No…"

"So, when are you gonna pop the question?" Seth asked lightly watching his friend in amusement as he squirmed with embarrassment.

"I dunno, I think I might do it tomorrow night…Look Seth, promise me you won't tell anyone? Not even Summer, her mouth is bigger than yours…don't tell her I said that." He said looking around almost expecting Summer to leap out clutching a fork or something. Seth grinned and patted Ryan's shoulder

"Course buddy…" He said seriously. Then he smiled again and looked at the bulge where the ring was in Ryan's pocket

"How much did that rock cost you anyway?" He asked in awe. Ryan shrugged

"About $3000, look I have to go now…DON'T tell anyone or Summer will find out about where you really went last weekend…interview my a$$, unless those strippers were your new bosses?" Ryan said grinning slightly, enjoying Seth being the one squirming. He held up his hands in defence and backed out the room

"Ok you got me…I'll keep my mouth shut…Oh I just thought of something!" He said excitedly rubbing his hands together with glee his eyes shining with excitement.

"Uh oh…thinking, you know that's dangerous for you Seth."

Seth rolled his eyes

"Oh suddenly quite the comedian aren't we?" He said sarcastically, Ryan grinned

"I've been hanging out with you too much, must be rubbing off…anyway you were saying?" He asked putting the ring back into it's space in the drawer. Seth regained his train of though and started to grin excitedly again.

"If you and Marissa get married…then you have to have a stag night…and who better to throw a stag party than your best man and the master of all parties!" He said almost dancing around the room. Ryan rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Uh oh…and since when have you been the master of all parties?" He asked.

"Since the dawn of time my friend…now let's get planning. I'm thinking strippers, alcohol and whipped cream…

Seth bounded into his apartment and jumped onto the couch next to Summer who was watching the valley omnibus intently. Seth jiggled up and down impatiently tapping his legs on the floor and his fingers against the arm of the couch, he cleared his throat loudly but Summer still didn't look around. Her mouth hung open slightly in a gormless expression as she sat fixated upon the tv screen.

"You know the gormless zombie, brainwashed look really doesn't suit you." He said lightly, she looked across at him and glared still not saying a word. The commercials rolled across the screen and her head snapped towards Seth quickly.

"Jeez Cohen have you got ants in your pants or something? Stay still and stop making unnecessary noises! Sometimes I think you talk just to make sounds." She snapped. Seth paused, thinking.

"I've been told that before…anyway, how was your day?" He asked brightly grinning with the news he has just found out. Summer eyes him suspiciously and looked him up and down.

"It was fine…" She said slowly still eyeing him distrustfully as he smiled at her happily

"What are you so happy about? Last time you looked this happy it was because you found some left over pudding in the fridge."

Seth smiled his eyes glazing over as he looked into the distance thinking of pudding happily…

"That was one of the best days of my life…anyway I can't tell you it's a secret." He said playfully, enjoying having the upper hand for a change. Summer glared at him.

"Cohen, we don't have secrets…now tell me before I jab this fork in your eye!" She said angrily through gritted teeth whipping a fork from her pocket. Seth recoiled slightly

"Jeez woman! Do you carry those things around with you all day?...Okay I'll tell you through fear of losing an eye but you can't tell ANYONE." He said looking around him warily.

"I promise." She said lowering the fork.

"Okay…well Ryan…is going to propose to Marissa!" He said starting to grin again. Summer let out a loud shriek and clapped a hand to her mouth when the door opened and Marissa walked in grinning. Seth and Summer spun around Summer just managing to cut of her scream.

"Hi Marissa!" Summer said in an overly bright voice and smiling uncontrollably as she looked at her friend who raised an eyebrow.

"Hi…" She said slowly

"Who was that screaming?" Seth and Summer looked at each other

"It was Seth, he saw a spider." Summer said hurriedly. Seth opened his mouth in outrage but Summer shot him a glare and he swallowed

"Yeah, I hate those things…"

Marissa looked at him before looking back at Summer and running her hand through her honey brown hair with a sigh.

" Do you know where Ry is? I can't find him?" She asked helping herself to a soda from the fridge. Summer and Seth exchanged grins again and looked back to her both fighting to urge to laugh. Marissa looked between them confused

"I don't know…why don't you give him a RING." Seth said loudly, Summer dug him in the ribs with her elbow and he gasped slightly. Marissa frowned and picked up the phone

"Okay then, he said something about dinner tonight so I thought he'd be there…" She said dialling his number. Summer grinned her eyes tearing slightly

"Awww in a restaurant! That's so sweet!" She said clasping her hands together, now it was her turn for a dig in the ribs. Marissa frowned again tapping her perfectly manicured nails against the counter

"Well that is where people tend to eat…Oh Hello?...Ugh voicemail." She said

"Hey Ry, it's Marissa. Where are you? Are we still having dinner tonight? Give me a call later…Love you, bye!" She set down the phone and looked back towards Seth and Summer who were both staring at her and smiling

"Why do you keep smiling? What's up with you two?" She asked looking over at them.

"Oh, she can't help it…I have her amazing sex last night….OW!" Summer gave him another dig in the ribs and Marissa laughed slightly…where was Ryan? This wasn't like him to go out without telling her, especially if they had made plans. Where was he? Why was his phone off? She sighed and looked down at the phone…she hoped he was alright.

A/N hope you liked it and please tell me what you think, no flames cos I'm still kinda used to this but tips will be welcomed!


	2. Bad Timing

A/N I haven't been getting many reviews so please read and review, just press that little button and tell me what you think! Thanks

* * *

Marissa re-applied her lip gloss for what felt like the thousandth, she tilted her head slightly allowing her lips to shimmer in the light and smile in satisfaction, smacking her lips together and checking for invisible bumps in her straight shining hair. She let out a sigh and sank down onto her dressing table stool and picked at her nails uninterestedly. She looked at her watch again 7:30, Ryan had rang her earlier saying to be ready in the apartment by half seven to go out to a restaurant. He hadn't said which one but only to be ready. She sighed audibly and checked her appearance for the fiftieth time and glanced at her watch again now reading 7:30 and 5 seconds. Why was he being so mysterious about all this? What was he up to? Deep down she hoped it was something special…The question but the more she thought about it the less she expected it. Ryan wouldn't be ready, he was starting his internship soon and she would be going out looking for modelling jobs and he had never really mentioned the subject. But it would be fantastic if he did ask, of course she would say yes. She loved him so much and getting married to him would be like a dream come true…she could have the perfect dress, tulips for the flowers, Summer as her maid of honour and her dad could walk her down the aisle and they would get married in one of those small beautiful churches by the sea…She was pulled from her reverie by the sound of the front door opening. She hastily tottered to her feet and walked towards the doorway. She ruffled her hair sexily and leant her thin frame against the doorway as Ryan stepped through the door. He was wearing a black suit and an open collar white shirt revealing some of his muscular, tanned chest. He grinned at her his blue eyes sparkling and he knees threatened to buckle. She returned the smile and walked slowly towards him, her heels clicking against the wooden floor. He pulled a large bouquet of tulips from behind his back and held them out to her still smiling. Marissa let out a small gasp and clasped a hand to her mouth taking the bunch of scarlet tulips from his hands. She leant in and kissed him still grinning. 

"Oh Ryan! They're beautiful! Thank you!" She gushed gazing at the flowers and smiling. She drew her gaze away from them and kissed him again on the lips passionately. They broke away eventually and Ryan grinned, blushing slightly

"No problem…" He said breathlessly

"We better go or we'll be late for our reservation."

Marissa stepped out the car and looked around her, her mouth dropped open as she surveyed the building before her in awe. Her expression changed to grin and she spun around to face Ryan who was smiling slightly his deep blue eyes reflecting the bright lights that danced around them.

"Oh my god Ry…The Ritz!" She gasped looking around her and smiling, clutching Ryan's hand tightly. He grinned and squeezed her hand gently

"Yeah well…I thought we hadn't been out in a while and we might as well go somewhere nice." He said as they walked towards the suited man standing at the entrance in front of a stand and a reservation book. He looked up at Ryan and Marissa who stood in front of them and smiled politely

"Name and time of reservation?" He asked.

"Atwood, 7:40."

The man nodded them in smiling

"Table 4 sir, good evening ma'am." He said politely waving them in. They stepped through the large doors and Marissa looked around in awe her eyes wide. She squeezed Ryan's hand and looked into his eyes.

"It's beautiful, thanks Ryan." She whispered kissing him softly.

* * *

Jimmy glanced at his watch and grinned at Julie who was sitting next to him and scowling heavily. 

"He might be asking her right now." He said excitedly. He was glad it was Ryan proposing to his daughter, he was a good kid with a brain and he really loved Marissa. He glanced across at his wife who was still glaring at the TV.

"If she has any sense she'll say no and be done with the boy." She mumbled taking a sip of her wine and continuing her staring contest with the TV. Jimmy's mouth dropped open and he turned to face his wife

"How can you say that? You can see how happy Ryan makes her, she's stopped drinking and she's doing well for herself. She loves him and he loves her, end of story. Personally I'm glad it's him asking her."

Julie shook her head and took another sip of wine. She wasn't going to let her daughter marry Ryan Atwood.

"She may well be happy but she wont get anywhere being with him, he's not going to make anything of himself and he has no money. They're living in numbered streets Jimmy! He's just going to pull her down, she's too good for him." She snapped drawing her gaze back to the programme she wasn't even watching. Jimmy spoke to her slowly and quietly obvious threat in his voice.

"Don't you dare ruin this for her Julie, she is finally happy and if you screw this up I will never let you forget it."

Marissa set down her knife and fork with a sigh and smiled across at Ryan who was still eating his meal. She grinned as she noticed the sauce that was on his chin. He looked at her and smiled back his eyes sparkling.

"What is it?" He asked through a mouthful. She leant forward and he could smell her sweet perfume.

"You've got a little…here let me…" She said reaching across the table and wiping the sauce of his chin gently with her finger. She licked it off the end of her index finger and smiled flirtatiously

"Thanks." Ryan said smiling and reaching into his pocket with his free hand checking for the hundredth time that the ring was still there almost expecting to find that it had disappeared.

"Marissa I…the reason for…all of this is, I just want you to know that…" He started his hands shaking and his heart pounding in his ears, blocking out the slow music that was playing in the background. Marissa stared at him her heart hammering when she noticed someone from the corner of her eye.

"Oh my god!" She whispered looking past Ryan. He looked at her before turning round following her gaze, he groaned…

"Ryan! Marissa!"

Too late, Ryan though to himself…he's seen us. Marissa smiled and slipped out of her chair gracefully and crossed the room meeting the person half way and pulling him into a hug and kissing both cheeks.

"Luke! How are you?" She asked smiling. Ryan got to his feet slowly his hands had stopped shaking and he let go of the ring he had been clutching through his pocket. He had no chance now…

"I'm great thanks! How are you two? Still going strong I see…" He said looking between the pair and shaking Ryan's hand. Ryan forced his face into what he hoped would pass as a smile but was sure had come out as more of a grimace.

"Yeah, how've you been man?" He asked politely willing Luke to excuse himself or for him to have to go somewhere…

"Great, hey why don't you come join me at my table? We can catch up?" He asked eagerly. Ryan groaned inwardly as Marissa turned to him and grinned, he forced another painful smile

"Shall we?" She asked hopefully, Ryan watched his plans go sailing out the window and nodded weakly and Marissa took him by the hand and led him over to the table excitedly.

* * *

Summer tapped her hands steadily against the side of the fridge as she scanned the contents looking for something to eat. She sighed and closed the door. 

"Cohen! I'm not letting you do the food shopping anymore the only food in there is cream cheese and pudding!" She moaned crossing over to the couch where Seth was laying and staring gormlessly at the TV

"You gotta love that pudding and don't insult my cream cheese."

She collapsed down next to him and leant her head on his chest tapping her fingers restlessly on the arm of the sofa restlessly

" I wonder if he's asked her yet?" She said aloud. Seth sighed

"Probably, and they're most likely to be having wild romantic sex right now." He said. Summer hit him with a cushion

"Ew, mental picture!"

Their conversation was interrupted by the apartment door opening and Ryan and Marissa stepped through the door. Summer and Seth leapt to their feet and rushed over to Marissa who was smiling slightly

"Oh my god Coop! Let me see your hand!" She shrieked grabbing her best friend's hands not noticing Ryan's hand signalling her to shut up. Marissa looked at her bewilderedly and Seth nudged Summer in the ribs and Summer looked up and noticing Ryan's expression dropped her friend's hand immediately. Marissa raised an eyebrow still staring at Summer who smiled weakly.

"Um…I wanted to see if you were keeping them moisturised, hands age quicker if you don't look after them coop! You remember that!" She said hurriedly patting Marissa's hand gently as Seth rolled his eyes despairingly whilst Ryan stared down at the floor his hands in his pockets. He caught Seth's gaze.

"So…what happened man?" Seth asked meaningfully looking at his brother. Ryan sighed and Summer drew her gaze to him wanting to know why Marissa had no idea why Summer wanted to look at her hand. Before Ryan could answer Marissa opened her mouth

"You will never guess who we ran into!" Marissa said sitting down on the couch with a sigh.

"Luke." Ryan said bitterly and Seth winced and Summer's mouth fell open.

"Ouch man." Seth mumbled not loud enough for the girls to hear who were now talking to eachother about gossip, Summer managed to shoot Ryan a commiserating look before turning her attention back to Marissa. Ryan sighed

"Tell me about it." He murmured

* * *

P**LEASE REVIEW and tell me what you think! Thanks**

Next Time: Ryan decides to give things another go but what will Marissa say? Julie has a plan...


	3. Hallelujah

A/N Is this story really that bad? There's hardly any reviews! Noooooo, oh well. Please read my other fic Cries in the dark I haven't posted for a while but at least that fic gets reviews! Enjoy this part!

* * *

Ryan watched as Marissa slept soundly next to him, her chest rising and falling steadily and her golden brown hair was spread like a fan around the cream pillows her head rested on. She was smiling slightly in her sleep and her delicate hands rested across her chest as she shivered slightly. Ryan glanced over to the window and watched the curtains dance and twirl as a gentle breeze blew around the bedroom. He slowly got to his feet silently trying not to disturb Marissa and he closed the window and sighed deeply. He watched her for a few seconds before opening his nightstand drawer and taking the ring out. He opened the small box slowly and looked down at the sparkling ring in front of him. If it hadn't have been for Luke he could have been engaged by now...if she had said yes that is. He closed the box bitterly and let out a long sigh before putting it back in the drawer. He loved Marissa and he wasn't going to let something like this put him off…he would make this perfect, better than it would have been at the restaurant. It's what she deserved.

* * *

Seth took a pudding cup from the fridge and grabbed a spoon from the dishwasher, not caring whether it was clean or not…he needed his tapioca. He pulled off the lid and his spoon hovered over the top and a satisfied grin spread over his face. Nothing was going to come between him and his pudding, not even bagels. His spoon drew closer to the pudding when the phone rang shrilly and he dropped the spoon in surprise. He groaned and picked up the phone angrily

"What?" He snapped angrily not even looking at the caller ID.

"Woah, what's up with you this morning? Did Summer make you sleep on the couch again for breaking wind in bed?" Ryan asked enjoying bringing up one of Seth's embarrassing conversations. Seth felt himself flush red and he decided to quickly change the conversation.

"No, actually you interrupted my daily ritual." He grumbled. Ryan nodded knowingly and laughed slightly.

"Oh the morning paper, coffee and tapioca pudding?" He asked.

"Yeah, so what's up anyway, why are you calling me? We live next door to each other."

"Don't worry about that but I need your help okay?...I need you and Summer to distract Marissa for the day because well…I need to set up back here if you know what I mean?" He said looking around and checking Marissa wasn't about to resurface. Meanwhile Seth started to grin.

"Ooh I'm sensing another stealth mission here…my speciality." He said his grin growing wider.

"Whatever Seth, just don't let Summer do what she did last night okay? Just keep her away, I'm trusting you with this."

"Sure thing dude…she won't suspect a thing especially not with Seth Cohen on the case!"

* * *

"C'mon Coop, I need a shopping trip and what's a shopping trip without your best friend?" Summer said brightly tugging her friend's arm and pulling her towards the door. Marissa smiled slightly and picked her bag up from the work top and grabbed her keys quickly before Summer yanked her through the doorway.

"We'll have lunch first then we'll hit the mall, where do you wanna eat?" She asked strolling down the stairs to the ground floor watching her friend and biting back a smile. She couldn't believe Ryan was going to propose, this was huge! Two of her best friends could be getting married! She strolled out the apartment block linking arms with Marissa and hailing a taxi. She wasn't going to muck this up, she would keep Marissa away for the day and things would be perfect. Those two deserved a happy ending more than anyone…

Meanwhile

Julie's carefully manicured fingers hovered delicately over the call button on her phone. She chewed on her bottom lip uncertainly not caring that she was smudging her flawlessly applied lip gloss. Should she do it or not? Marissa deserved better than this, she deserved better than that thug. She wasn't going to let this go ahead, she would put a stop to this and make sure Marissa would never marry Ryan Atwood. She didn't care that Marissa thought she loved him, she doesn't know what she wants. She was doing this for her own good. She pressed the call button and listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before the line cleared and someone picked up.

"Hello?" Said a deep gruff voice. Julie smiled slightly

"Hi, you know you said you owed me that favour…well now's the time for me to call it in…It's going to be expensive so listen carefully…"

* * *

Later

Ryan put his phone down and sighed deeply his hands shaking violently as he gripped the ring in his hands almost scared it would dissolve if he didn't hold onto it tightly enough. Summer had just called him to tell him Marissa would be here any moment now…he was going to ask her. He was finally going to ask her to be his wife, all he wanted was for her to say yes and for them to have the happy ending they had suffered so much for. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He paced the bedroom frustratedly straining his ears for that familiar sound of the door opening. Waiting for her to step through… He closed his eyes and let the darkness engulf him desperately trying to steady his jangling nerves. He let the memories of her run through his head, the first time they had met in the driveway…their first kiss, first date, the ferris wheel, leaving her to go back to Chino, each kiss, each embrace and every 'I love you'. Then he heard that sound…that sound he had been waiting for. The sound of the front door opening….

* * *

Marissa shuffled down the hallway her heavy shopping bags weighing her down. Summer had gone to get something she left in the cab and told Marissa to go on head. Her feet were aching and she was exhausted, shopping with Summer was not for the faint hearted. She reached her apartment door and fumbled around in her pockets for he keys, carefully putting down her shopping bags so she could get the jingling keys from her seemingly never ending pocket. Finally she pulled them out and un-locked the door, she picked up her shopping bag and looked up as she walked through the door. Her mouth fell open and she heard her shopping bags fall to the floor with a soft thump but she didn't remember dropping them. She gazed in amazement at the scene in front of her. The entire apartment was lit by uncountable amounts of candles, the glowing flames bathed the room in glimmering golden light. The light shifted and danced as the small flames f!ckered. Her tear-filled eyes drew away from the candles to the scarlet rose petals that littered the floor and furniture and a large bunch of crimson tulips rested on the table. Her hand flew to her mouth and she took a shaky step further into the apartment, her heart was hammering and her vision was blurred by tears. She looked around her hands shaking and she could hear the slow soft melody of Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah playing…their song. As the bedroom door opened slowly her gaze was immediately drawn in that direction. Ryan emerged slowly from the room, his face was immersed by the golden light and his bright blue eyes glimmered in the flickering glow.

His face spread slowly into that familiar half smile and he took a few steps closer to Marissa. His heart was hammering at what felt like 100mph and the blood rushing in his ears was deafening as he looked into her sparkling, tear filled sapphire irises. He drew slowly closer to her his hand gripped tightly around the ring in his pocket. He had no doubts…she was the one.

Marissa watched him crack that familiar smile and she felt her knees go weak and her already racing heart hammer faster. They were now inches apart and she felt her face spread into a smile and a small solitary tear roll down her cheek…Why was she crying? She thought ready to kick herself.

"Ryan…this is…it's beautiful." She whispered looking around her and then drawing her gaze back to the man in front of her, the man she loved. He smiled at her and took her delicate hand in his and raised his other to her lips cutting her off…

_Well I heard there was a secret chord…_

"Sssh…" He soothed softly, she smiled and kissed his finger softly.

_That David played and it pleased the Lord but you don't really care for music, do ya?..._

" 'Riss…I love you SO much. Ever since I first met you, ever since I first looked into those amazing eyes I knew you were the one, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We've been through so much together but we're still here, because I don't know what I'd do without you…" He said looking into her eyes suddenly forgetting how nervous he was before, he didn't need to be nervous…

_Well it goes like this :The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift, The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

Marissa felt her heart melting as he said everything she felt inside of her. Ryan gave her hand a small squeeze and suddenly sank down onto one knee and pulled the ring from his pocket. Marissa let an inaudible gasp and drew her hand to her mouth her eyes filling steadily with tears, she was shaking from head to foot as she looked into his shining blue eyes.

"Marissa Cooper, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" He asked his voice steady and his gaze locked with hers. He slowly opened the box and the ring sparkled in the candlelight, the diamonds glimmered and Marissa stared down at the ring in amazement, enchanted by how beautiful it was. Her racing heart grew faster as he tear stained face broke into a teary smile as she let the question sink in slowly…he was asking her to marry her, he wanted to marry her, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

_Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah..._

Ryan looked up at her holding his breath waiting for her answer…this was the worst wait of his life, the most nervous wait of his life, each second feeling like a life time as he watched her expression break into a smile.

"Yes." She whispered softly

_Well your faith was strong but you needed proof, You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya_

"Yes!" She said louder now shrieking and tears were falling, Ryan felt like the world had been lifted from his shoulder and he let out a long breath as his face broke into a huge grin. Tears of happiness sparkled in his eyes as he gently slid the ring onto her long slender fingers…perfect fit. He rose slowly to his feet and Marissa lept into his arms crying exstatically…He lifted her up and spun her round pulling her closer to him. Their faces inches apart they drew closer and their lips locked in a passionate clinch. Marissa never wanted this moment to end, in his arms, kissing him and wearing the engagement ring he had bought her and embracing in a room full of candles and roses…it was perfect. Ryan gently lowered her to the ground and they looked into eachother's eyes, both pairs full of happiness and love.

"I love you so much." Ryan said never wanting to let her leave his arms. He kissed her softly and lovingly and when they pulled away Marissa smiled

"I love you too…" They stared at each other, lost in each other's loving gazes when two muffled voices carried through the door.

"Can we come in yet? We're dying out here!" Summer and Seth cried from the other side of the door.

"Yes!" Marissa cried for the third time that evening and the door burst open expelling Seth and Summer. Summer raced over to her friend and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Oh my god Coop! Let me see it!" She cried excitedly, Marissa pulled away and extended her hand looking happily down at the beautiful ring that rested on her finger. Summer let out a small gasp

" What a rock! Congratulations you guys, this is amazing!"

Seth and Ryan exchanged manly hugs and congratulations before Ryan put his arm around Marissa happily.

" I think this calls for a celebration don't you?" Seth asked happily slipping his arm around Summer's waist.

"Break out the champagne!" Summer said happily! Marissa and Ryan smiled happily unable to take their eyes of one another whilst Seth and Summer squabbled over the champagne bottle…the fantastic four were definitely fantastic…but for how long?

* * *

_So? What did you think? Please review and tell me what you think and how I can improve so I can get more reviews! Lol Next part should be coming soon..._

Next Time: Marissa and Ryan share their happy news but is Julie's plan going to ruin their happiness?


	4. Sorry

A/N thanks for the reviews guys I'm glad you liked that part! Just to warn you this part is further into the future but only by about a month and the story of what happened between the engagement and now will be told through flashbacks! I hope you enjoy the angst…Also I know it was a rip off from friends but that was the point, kinda like a tribute because I love that episode!

Previously on the OC…Ryan and Marissa share an apartment opposite Seth and Summer. The fantastic four are still fantastic and Ryan asked Marissa to marry him and she said yes but Julie isn't happy and is plotting something evil…but what is it and what will happen to the fantastic four now they are all grown up?

* * *

Ryan looked down at the photo frame that was clutched in his shaking hands and smiled sadly. Tears burned in the back of his eyes but he blinked them back stubbornly. He wasn't going to cry, Atwood's didn't cry. It was weak. He looked down at the smiling faces in front of him and closed his eyes, swallowing hard as he desperately tried to dissolve the painful lump that was forming in his throat. He breathed in shakily trying to slow his racing heart as he let the silence and the darkness encircle him. His hands shook violently as a rogue tear leaked from the corner of his tightly closed eyes and slid slowly down his face. Gripping the photo frame tightly he hurled it against the wall with a sickening crunch and the tinkle of shattering glass sliced through the silence. His breath was now coming in ragged gasps as he stared down at the spot where the shattered frame lay, the faces still smiling happily as he glared down at them. The smiles made him sick to his stomach as he stared down at them breathing heavily, trying to steady his shaking hands and his hammering heart that threatened to burst from his chest…his broken heart. The smiles just started back at him as he glared at them.

"I loved you…" He whispered shakily, his voice wavering and thick with hurt and emotion. But the faces simply smiled back.

He didn't think he could ever smile again, not after…that morning. Not after what had happened. Not after…her.

* * *

Seth sighed and sat down at the kitchen counter and placed his head in his hands. His mind was buzzing after today's revelations…he couldn't believe she had…he never thought that she would…

He closed his eyes and let out another long sigh. Ryan was crushed, he had never seen him look like that before. He just kept seeing that look on his face when the door opened over and over again. He couldn't believe she had done that to him after everything she had just…destroyed him.

Seth looked up as he heard heels clicking into the room. Summer emerged and shot Seth a sad smile.

"How is he?" She whispered placing a delicate hand on his shoulder. He shook his head and sighed again.

"How do you think?... He hasn't come out of the pool house all day, I think right now he just needs his space." He said sadly throwing a quick glance over to the darkened pool house. All the doors, windows and curtains were closed. Summer played with Seth's thick dark curls distractedly

"I still can't believe it…I think this is it for them. I don't think he'll ever forgive her."

"I don't see why he should…" Seth said darkly feeling a distinct feeling of hatred towards the woman who had caused Ryan to lock himself up in the poolhouse all day and broken his heart. Summer cast her gaze across to where Seth was staring and sighed slightly…She couldn't believe this had happened, she felt so bad for Ryan but she couldn't believe that Marissa had done this to him. She didn't know if she'd be able to face her friend again after what she had done…It'd all started at the hen party

* * *

FlAsHbAcK

_Marissa picked up the phone shakily unable to stop smiling, she looked like someone had stapled a smile to her face. She dialled in the numbers quickly and waited, listening to the dial tone. She couldn't believe she was getting married, she couldn't believe she was getting married to Ryan Atwood…the love of her life! The ringing ceased and a small click signified the phone being picked up._

_"Hello, Julie Cooper speaking?" Julie's bored, snobby, listless tone filled the receiver. Marissa gripped the phone shakily._

_"Hey mom, it's me…I have some news!" She said excitedly, her heart hammering in her chest. She had never been so happy in her life._

_Julie smirked slightly and feigned innocence._

_"Really? What's up sweetie?" She asked brightly staring down at the number and the name she had written down on the phone pad_

_Lance_

_8677 455 £3000_

_Marissa braced herself and cast her eye over to Ryan who was laughing and smiling happily with Seth and Summer_

_"Ryan asked me to marry him, and I said yes!" She shrieked happily, her heart racing as she gripped the phone tightly, waiting for a response. Her mom would be happy for her wouldn't she? Afterall she hadn't minded when they had moved in together and she knew how much she loved him. There was silence for a while and Marissa began to grow nervous…if Julie didn't want this wedding to happen, she would cause as much trouble as possible._

_"Honey, that's great! Congratulations!" She said brightly glad that Marissa couldn't see the scowl and expression of fury on her face as her hands shook._

_Marissa paused slightly, surprised her mother was being so supportive_

_"Thanks mom! We'll probably be coming back to Newport next week to sort stuff out with the Cohens so I'll see you then!"_

_"Bye Sweetie."_

_Julie put down the phone and reached for the pad by the phone her hands shaking. She knew she was going to break her daughter's heart but it was for the best, she deserved better than that Atwood boy. She needed to do something with her life and she couldn't do that with Ryan Atwood…It was for her own good._

* * *

Seth wrapped softly on the pool house door with his knuckles, chewing on his bottom lip uncertainly as he waited for an answer from within…silence. He had decided he needed to talk to Ryan, or to at least see how he was doing. There was still no answer and Seth was getting worried for his brother. Butterflies jumped in his stomach as he tried to sneak a glance through the gap in the blinds but all he could see was darkness. Maybe he was asleep? He thought hopefully but he knew that Ryan wouldn't be sleeping right now.

"Ryan? It's Seth…can I come in?" He ventured carefully, bracing himself for a disgruntled, go away…or I don't want to talk right now…but instead he was met by silence.

Ryan stared down his shoes miserably; he closed his eyes with a sigh and ran his fingers through his untidy sandy hair. He couldn't stop playing that moment over and over in his head. The door opening and her face as their gazes met…the guilty, surprised expression as he walked through the door. He collapsed backwards onto his bed breathing deeply, trying to steady his shaking form as he blinked back angry tears. Everyone always betrayed him or abandoned him. He thought Marissa was different but in the end she was the same as everyone else. She had been another name to the long list of people that had let him down.

He didn't know what to do now…what to do without her. There was no way he could go back to her, not after what she had done but…without her, his life just seemed so…empty. Sure, he'd get a job he'd have Seth and The Cohen's but things just wouldn't be the same…he'd try and date but none of the girls would be the same. They wouldn't be her.

Ryan's eyes snapped open as he heard a soft knocking at the door. Probably Seth. He contemplated answering but he didn't think he could bring himself to speak. If he tried everything would come flooding out, the hurt, pain, betrayal, anger…loneliness. So he kept his mouth shut and closed his eyes again trying to ignore his brother's presence outside the door.

"Ryan? It's Seth…can I come in?"

Ryan let out a shaky breath. He couldn't turn his brother away, he knew he needed to talk to someone right now but the whole concept just seemed impossible right now. Maybe Seth would avoid the topic and just talk about something like…PS2 or something to take his mind off things? Who was he kidding? This was Seth. What should he say? Go away…come in…or nothing?

"Seth just…." He started. He let out a sigh and buried his head in his hands

"Come in." He mumbled resignedly…maybe this would do him some good. It's not like he could feel any worse right now…

* * *

FlAsHbAcK

_Kirsten let out a shriek and hurled herself at Ryan and Marissa pulling them into a crushing bear hug. _

_"Oh my god! Congratulations!" She cried happily, tears welling in her eyes. Sandy grinned and patted Ryan on the back proudly. Ryan pulled away gasping for breath and smiled at Marissa. _

_"Let me see the ring!" Kirsten shrieked grabbing Marissa's hand. She looked down at the large diamond and gasped _

_"Wow…what a rock!" She said breathlessly. _

_"I can't believe you guys are really getting married…congratulations guys." Sandy said happily. _

_"I can't wait for the bachelor party…I'm thinking, whipped cream, strippers and some blindfolds." Seth said rubbing his hands together. Summer made a disgusted face and his Seth on the arm _

_"You're such a perv and I don't want to leave you alone with any strippers…and especially whipped cream." She added with a glare and Seth flushed slightly. _

_Meanwhile _

_Julie Cooper marched up the Cohen driveway her heels clicking loudly against the paved floor. In one arm she clutched her Dior purse and in her other a small, neatly wrapped package. She glared up at the house before fixing a wide fake smile on her face and ringing the doorbell. This was going to take all of her acting, or more like lying skills. The door swung open and Marissa stood in the doorway. _

_"Marissa, honey! Congratulations!" She said brightly pulling her bewildered daughter into a hug. _

_"Hey mom…um come in, we're just breaking out the champagne." Marissa said uncertainly, definitely disturbed by her mother's sudden change in attitude towards Ryan…she had always thought he wasn't good enough and now she was here bearing gifts… _

_"Oh wonderful, here you go honey…an engagement present!" She said handing Marissa the small package and marching through the hallway into the kitchen were the Cohen's were pouring champagne. Marissa shook the box slightly _

_"It's not a bomb is it?" She mumbled darkly. Julie apparently didn't hear her. _

_"Hi guys! Marissa told me the good news and I had to come and congratulate the happy couple!" She said with a smile. Seth raised an eyebrow whilst Sandy looked across at his wife who looked totally bewildered. _

_"Um…Hi Julie, come right in." _

_Ryan looked across at Seth uncertainly who grinned back and whispered _

_"She's gonna be your mother in-law." He said gleefully. Ryan dug him in the ribs with his elbow and smiled falsely at Julie as she made her way over to Ryan her arms out-stretched _

_"And here's the groom…" She pulled Ryan into a hug, Ryan's eyes widened and Kirsten fought back a laugh at her son's terrified expression. _

_"So have you made any plans yet?" Julie asked flicking her hair back and looking down at her perfectly manicured nails. Marissa glanced across at Ryan. _

_"Um no, not yet." She said. Julie shook her head and tutted _

_"Honey, you need to start these things early. Get the venue, the dress, the flowers, the caterers everything! Honestly…I know! I can plan you a shower and a hen night!" She said brightly and grinning. Marissa looked hopelessly over to Summer and Seth who were cracking up silently. _

_"Um…sure mom." _

_Julie smiled…step one was complete, now all she had to do was make some calls_.

* * *

**Present**

Seth opened the door slowly and peered inside the dark room. He could just about make out Ryan's still form sitting on the bed.

"Hey…um can I uh…I can't see." Seth mumbled awkwardly gesturing to the light switch. Ryan sighed slightly.

"Whatever, do what you like." Ryan muttered hoarsely, turning over on his side so that his back was facing the door. The lights flicked on and Ryan squeezed his eyes shut against the brightness. He stared at the wall blankly as he heard his brother's footsteps drawing closer. A long awkward silence fell upon the room and Seth shifted slightly placing his hands in his pockets.

"Ryan…I…" He began pathetically trailing off not knowing what to say. What could he say? Chin up, look on the Brightside…your fiancée just broke your heart but everything's going to be fine!

"You have to eat something." He finished eventually, realising he sounded like his mom. He drew slightly closer, watching his brother carefully as he lay on the bed with his back to him. He was surprised Ryan had even let him in here, he was a private person at the best of times but when something like this happened it got even worse…usually he wouldn't see anyone until Kirsten made him come out and eat something. But Kirsten wasn't here, her and Sandy were out. Ryan didn't answer for a while…he knew Seth was only trying to help but right now he didn't want help. He just wanted to forget that Marissa had ever existed…that he never existed.

"I'm not hungry." He muttered eventually. Seth sighed slightly and sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room, he noticed the shimmer of shards of glass on the carpet as they were caught by the moonlight. His gaze followed the trail of glass to a broken photo frame. As he looked down at the photo he felt a small twist of anger as he looked down at her sickly sweet smile. He hated her right now, he hated for what she had done to his brother.

"Ryan I just want you to know that…I'm sorry…about everything that happened." He whispered watching his brother.

Ryan groaned inwardly and sat up, he turned to face his brother. Seth looked at his brother, his face was pale and tired and his usually bright blue eyes were dull and lifeless and rimmed with red. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Ryan opened his mouth to speak

"What do you have to be sorry for? You weren't the one who…who broke my heart? Who on the week before my wedding slept with some random guy. I didn't find YOU in bed with some guy. I didn't spend thousands of dollars on a ring for you only to have everything thrown back in my face? You weren't the only girl I had ever really loved were you?...So I don't see why YOU are sorry Seth. She's the only one who should be apologising right now…but if she did…I wouldn't care, I wouldn't even listen because I wouldn't be able to even look at her right now!" Ryan's voice grew to a yell as he finished. His breath was coming in ragged gasps and his hands were balled into fists. He knew he shouldn't be taking this out on Seth but he couldn't help it…he couldn't stop. Seth stared at his brother in amazement…he had never seen him like this. This desperate, this hurt…

Suddenly another knock came at the pool house door and the room fell silent as the door swung open…Marissa stood in the doorway looking between Ryan and Seth desperately, her eyes filled with tears and her make-up smudged and her face pale. Seth glared at her while Ryan simply stared…

"What the hell are you doing here?" Seth spat furiously. Marissa flinched at his tone and drew her gaze back to Ryan who was staring down at his shoes unable to look at her

"I came to talk to Ryan." She whispered.

* * *

Please review and tell me what you think!

Next Time on the OC: Will Ryan talk to Marissa? We learn more about Julie's plan..


	5. Explanations

A/N thanks for the reviews guys! I'm glad you liked it! Please tell me what you think of this part! The big confrontation! Duh duh duh…

* * *

Ryan stared up at Marissa as she stood in the doorway, she had changed into jeans and a tank top and she was looking at him with a desperate pleading expression. Just looking into those sapphire eyes was making his heart ache. How could she have the nerve to show up here after everything she had done? Did she really think he would want to speak to her ever again?

"Please." She whispered pathetically, her voice shaking with emotion as tears glided softly down her cheeks.

Seth clenched his fists and rose to his feet, glaring at Marissa with intense, furious eyes.

"I think you should leave." He spat trying to stay as calm as possible. He couldn't believe she actually expected Ryan to want to talk to her after what she had done. Marissa stared up at him with wide, tear filled eyes and looked at him pleadingly before tearing her eyes away from Seth and drawing them back to Ryan who was sitting perfectly still and staring down at the floor refusing to look at her.

"Wait Seth…I wanna hear what she has to say." He whispered desperately trying to keep his voice steady. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she had hurt him so he simply shut down. The way he used to all those years ago in Chino when his mom's latest boyfriend was beating the crap out of him and yelling, when his mom was screaming at him to get out her house, when his dad got arrested and they had to move. All those years he had refused to give those people the satisfaction of knowing they had gotten to him so he just shut down and blocked everything out refusing to give them any sign of pain.

Seth spun around and stared at his brother as if he was insane. Why was he doing this? Why did he want to talk to her?...How could he just let her walk in here? Ryan's dull lifeless eyes met his brother's and Seth saw something he hadn't seen for a long time. Something he hadn't seen since Marissa had broken up with Ryan because of Oliver…emptiness. He let out a long sigh and he knew he should let Ryan 'talk' to Marissa. Marissa looked almost as surprised as Seth.

Marissa POV

I can't believe he actually wants to talk to me? I can't believe I actually came here after…after what happened. But most of all, I can't believe that I've thrown everything with Ryan away over some stupid drunken mistake. How could I have been so stupid? Looking at him now I realise exactly what I've done to him. I was one of the only people he truly trusted and I let him down, just like everyone else had done before. I had something special, something perfect with him and now I've just gone and screwed it up like I always do. That's one thing you can always rely on me for. I look into his dull, empty eyes and I realise how much I've hurt him and how much I love him. But why does he actually want to talk to me? Seth is obviously furious at me, he has a right to be. In fact I wish Ryan was furious, I wish he would shout and scream at me…at least do something to show how he feels but instead, he just sits there staring at the floor looking lost and alone. Disappointed. That's the worst thing, you know when you want your parents to be angry at you but instead they just say they're disappointed and it makes you feel so much worse? I don't think I could feel any worse right now…there's one thing I hate and that is guilt and I'm full of it right now. So I should be after what I've done…I don't think he'll ever forgive me for this.

Seth looked between his brother and Marissa nervously before shuffling over to the door.

"I'll um…I'll leave you to it." He mumbled catching one last look at his brother and shooting him a weak smile before leaving the pool house and closing the door with a sigh.

Marissa flinched slightly as the door closed with a snap and an uncomfortable silence fell upon the room and hung thickly in the air. She shifted awkwardly from foot to foot her hands stuffed into her jeans pockets to stop her from chewing her entire nail off. She watched him her heart aching with guilt as he stared down at the floor blankly his hands shaking slightly as he gripped the bed frame. The 5 second long silence seem to last for years as she stood there watching him, waiting for someone to speak. She knew he wasn't going to talk to her…why should he? So she might as well break it…

"Ryan I…I just want to explain to you…" She started shakily but she was cut off by Ryan snapping his head round to face her. His previously empty eyes were now burning with intensity and his whole muscular frame was shaking as he glared at her with such force she felt tears spring to her eyes. He hated her…

"I don't want to hear your explanations…nothing you say will change what you did. I loved…I love you and you just threw everything back in my face. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and I thought you felt the same way…but I guess I was wrong huh? As fcking wrong as you can get." He said bitterly his fiery eyes sparkling as he stared at her. She flinched at his words and felt warm tears trickle softly down her face. She knew everything he was saying was true. She just wished she could take it back.

"Ryan…you don't know how sorry I am. I've spent the whole day just praying that I could take it all back, that I could be back in your arms again and none of this would have happened. It didn't mean anything…it was just a stupid mistake. It didn't mean anything…I love you Ryan and I would never cheat on you." She sobbed her whole frail frame shaking as sobs wracked her chest. Ryan glared up at her tears forming in his eyes as he cursed himself for showing any emotion…but he couldn't help it.

"Really? Looks like you just did…I would have preferred it if it did mean something, because then at least I would know my whole life was ruined for a reason, not just for some stupid fling that meant nothing." He found himself on his feet but he couldn't remember standing up. He looked into her tear-stained face and closed his eyes trying to squeeze back the bitter tears that threatened to escape.

"I trusted you…I loved you. I guess in the end I can't depend on anyone but myself, because everyone just lets you down in the end. I thought you were gonna be different but…you're just the same as everyone else." He whispered resentfully tears burning in his eyes as they slid down his cheeks. His voice wavered as he spoke and his hands shook violently. He looked into her painfilled eyes and felt his broken heart ache.

"I think you better leave now…I can't stay here with you, it's too painful…Have a nice life Marissa Cooper." He whispered shakily watching her shake her head and the tears fall slowly from her beautiful eyes.

"I can't leave things like this Ry…I love you! I'll do anything just please…tell me what I can do to make it better! I love you Ryan and I'm not letting you go!" She sobbed gripping onto his shirt and looking up into his hurt face.

Ryan pulled at her hands and prized her off of him pushing her away gently tears pouring down his face…it was hurting him so much to do this. He couldn't bare letting her go but he had to…

"Don't do this Marissa…if you love me you'll go…please just don't do this, it hurts too much." He said now unable to control his emotions as she backed away from him her whole body shaking as she wailed in despair. She looked into his face as the tears flowed freely from his shining blue eyes and his whole expression broke her heart…it broke her heart to leave him but she knew she had to…she had blown it, she had ruined the one good thing in her life. And now she had to walk away. She took one last look at him, both looking into each other's pained eyes before she stumbled from the room sobbing and shutting the door behind her. She ran off into the night air sobbing uncontrollably before reaching her car and slamming the door. She folded her arms over the steering wheel and rested her head in them and she let all her emotion flow out. Tears poured endlessly from her eyes and sobs wracked her chest painfully as her whole body heaved with each desperate cry. She had lost him…

* * *

FlAsHbAcK

Marissa stumbled blindly up the pathway, guided by her mother and Summer on each side. She giggled slightly as she tripped on her heels

"Oh come on guys, just give me a clue…I can't see a thing!" She laughed gripping onto Summer's arm so she didn't stumble and fall. Summer giggled and Julie simply smiled slyly

"Oh honey, that would just spoil the surprise…there'll be lots of surprises tonight." She said smiling as she led her daughter up the driveway to the club ahead.

* * *

The music blared loudly around her and Marissa giggled as another barely dressed stripped danced around her. She could hear Summer's shrieks of laughter from somewhere across the room and other screams and wolf whistles mostly coming from Summer and Kirsten who were both legless. Marissa sighed as she looked down at her orange juice, it was a shame she couldn't have a drink but she knew if she had one she would want more and if she came home drunk she would have broken her promise. She wasn't going to drink, well not in excess anyway. Especially after what happened last time. She groaned inwardly as Julie sauntered over clutching a chardonnay and grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Hello honey, how's the party so far?" She asked taking a sip of her wine and flicking her dark red hair over her shoulder. Marissa fixed a fake smile on her face, it was really rather disturbing that her mother was actually acting like a human being for once.

"It's great mom…thanks." She said looking around and smiling at the various strippers and drunk women. Julie smiled and eyes Marissa's glass

"Oh, you need another drink. Let me get you one…an orange juice right?" She asked taking the glass from Marissa's hand. Marissa forced another smile

"Yeah, thanks. I'm going to talk to Summer." She said finding any excuse to get away from her grinning mother…she could have sworn she was on Prozac or something. Julie nodded and headed off to the bar clutching Marissa's glass. A dark haired attractive bar man appeared at the bar and shot Julie a flirtatious smile.

"What can I get you?" He asked. Julie smiled and flicked her hair, glad that she still had it but she needed to concentrate tonight so no hooking up with cute barmen half her age.

"Can I get an orange juice please…orange and vodka." She asked slyly grinning as she watched Marissa giggling and smiling with Summer.

"Make it a double.."

* * *

Later

Marissa stumbled up the driveway giggling uncontrollably with Summer as they staggered up to the driveway followed by Julie and a rather tipsy Kirsten. Julie unlocked the door as Marissa let out a loud shriek of laughter and staggered through the open door. In the shadows stood a tall, muscular, dark-haired man. He grinned at Julie who smiled back.

"I'll be right back guys, I left something in the car!" She said knowing her words were falling on deaf ears as the other three women were giggling and staggering through the hallway looking for more booze. She shut the door behind her and crept across the drive to where the tall man stood. He smiled and lit a cigarette, the orange tip glowed in the darkness and silvery plumes of smoke spiralled into the air.

"Hey Jules…so what exactly do you want me to do?" He asked looking Julie up and down and smiling. Julie's expression was blank as she looked up at him.

"You do exactly as I say…Marissa is totally drunk, I'll get her more drink so she has to lie down, I'll take her upstairs and that's where you come in…" She whispered slowly

"You have to make her think you've slept together…trust me, it'll be worth your while." She said pulling out a wad of cash and smirking. The man smiled slightly and stubbed out his cigarette.

"I'll do it…"

* * *

Next Time: We find out exactly how Julie's plan takes place...does it work? 


	6. That morning'

Hey guys! Thanks for your reviews and I hoped you enjoyed the part! This part consists only of flashbacks of what happened so enjoy finding out what REALLY happened! Please tell me what you think! The next part will be in future! Also I'm pretty new to this site and could you tell me what AU means? Thanks

* * *

Julie grinned slyly as she watched Lance disappear into her daughter's bedroom and shut the door behind him softly. Everything was going to plan, Kirsten and Summer were passed out on the couch snoring and James was probably climbing into bed with Marissa right now. Now all she had to do was arrange for Ryan to walk in. Perfect. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and tip-toed down the stairs. She knew what she was doing would break her daughter's hair but it was for the best in the long run. She deserved better than some trailer trash from Chino, she needed to make something of herself and she wasn't about to watch her daughter turn out like her sister had. This was for the best. It was the best for Marissa, anyway…she would get over him eventually.

* * *

Julie scrolled through her daughter's cell phone book and smiled in satisfaction as she reached

Ryan cell

She dialled in the numbers on the landline and waited patiently as the dial tone sounded in her ear. She steadied her shaking hands and breathed deeply trying to focus, she couldn't muck this up now. The phone rang a few more times before Ryan picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He answered groggily rubbing his eyes and trying to stifle a yawn…he was unsuccessful. Why did he keep his cell next to his bed?

"Hello Ryan, it's Julie Cooper here." She said perkily. Ryan groaned inwardly and rubbed his eyes again trying to get rid of the tiredness, he sat up. This was too early for Julie Cooper…any time was too early for Julie Cooper

"Hi" He said trying to inject some cheerfulness into his voice.

"I'm just calling to ask, could you come and pick up Marissa in a few minutes if that's ok? She has an appointment at the dress-makers and I can't give her a lift…she's still asleep right now but I'm sure she'd rather be woken by you than me." She said throwing in a fake laugh for good measure. Ryan grimaced slightly at the thought of being woken by Julie Cooper.

"Ok sure, I'll be right over." He said with a sigh reaching around for a t-shirt. Julie grinned

"Great, see you then!" She said brightly before hanging up the phone.

Later

Ryan knocked on the front door and waited, Seth stood close behind. He needed to collect Summer. He shifted around on the spot waiting for the door to open and glanced across at Seth who shivered.

"I still can't believe Julie Cooper...RANG you…creepy."

Ryan grinned slightly but his smile faltered when the door opened and Julie stood in the doorway wearing a pink tracksuit and beaming. Why was she smiling so much? It was creepy…maybe she had botox and it went wrong, he thought faintly before she welcomed him inside

"Come in, Marissa's upstairs." She said beckoning him in and then disappearing into the living room. Ryan stepped further into the house and glanced up the stairs. Seth tapped on his shoulder

"Can I come with you, I don't want to be left on my own with Summer…she's even crankier when she has a hang over. Last time she threatened to strangle me with my own boxer shorts." He said shuddering slightly at the memory. Ryan grinned.

"Whipped." He mumbled. Seth looked up

"What?" He asked frowning slightly. Ryan fought back a laugh

"Nothing…come on then but if she's not wearing anything, you get out." He said warningly.

They ascended the stairs laughing and joking when Ryan stopped outside Marissa's closed door.

"This is as far as you're going." He said turning to Seth who grinned childishly.

"Whatever…but I'm staying up here as long as I can, I don't want to face the beast from the east until I absolutely have to." He said darkly casting a glance down the staircase. Ryan grinned and knocked softly on the door…Silence.

"Marissa? Are you in there?" He called through the door.

Marissa groaned and rubbed her head as she felt a dull throbbing radiating through her temples. She could hear someone calling her faintly and groaned again. Her head was spinning. She opened her eyes blearily and was shocked to find sunlight pouring through the gap in the curtains and bathing her rather untidy room in golden Californian sunshine. She rolled over slightly the room spinning and her head throbbing and almost let out a scream as she saw a man lying in the bed next to her. A small squeak escaped from her mouth as she stared in horror at the dark-haired man sleeping in her bed, next to her…naked! She gasped and closed her eyes desperately trying to remember what had happened last night…a party? Strippers…came back here.

Oh god…what had she done? Warm tears burned in her blood-shot eyes as she ran her fingers through her tangled hair in frustration before realising she wasn't wearing any clothes either…What had she done? Her heart was racing as she blinked back tears, she couldn't believe it. Had she really slept with this man? Why was she so hung-over? Had she been drinking? She had cheated on Ryan…oh god, she had slept with someone else. Oh god…oh god. She thought desperately her heart hammering in her ears. She couldn't deal with this, she had screwed up…BIG TIME. The stranger stirred slightly and opened his eyes and started to grin.

"Hey gorgeous…" He whispered leaning in to kiss her. She backed away in terror her tear-filled eyes wide with horror…oh god she had done it…The man looked confused

"What's wrong baby?" He asked stroking her arm gently. Small tears escaped her eyes and slid down her cheeks

"You have to go…now" She whispered desperately her blood pumping in her ears and her head hammering. What was she going to tell Ryan? Oh god…she had definitely ruined things this time!

"Marissa? I'm coming in!" She heard a deep familiar voice from behind the door and she froze. Time stopped still and she stared at the door in sheer horror…It was Ryan.

The door creaked slowly open and Marissa drew the covers around herself to hide her naked body but she couldn't hide the man in her bed, she couldn't hide the beer bottles and the box of condoms on her night stand…Then she saw it…her engagement ring lying on the nightstand, gleaming in the sunlight. She had taken it off…Oh Sht, she had really done this. This was really happening. The door opened in slow motion and Ryan's head appeared round the door smiling, his bright blue eyes gleaming. He looked from Marissa to the man next to her and his smile faltered, slowly changing into a look of confusion and then…anger, pain, hurt, more confusion and disappointment…all in one look. Tears started in his eyes as he looked between the pair and he gripped the door handle tightly, so hard his hands were balled into fists and his knuckles were turning white. Marissa looked up at him pleadingly, tears now flowing fast and her whole body shaking.

"Ryan I…" She began desperately tears choking her voice. Ryan just stared at her his eyes shining with tears and his teeth clenched

"Just don't…" He whispered his eyes full of pain and his frame shaking.

"I hope it was worth it." He said casting a look to the smug stranger in his fiancée's bed and then looking back to her. His mind was racing and his blood was rushing in his ears…he couldn't believe it, he couldn't physically take it in. She was sitting there with no clothes on, next to some guy, also naked…in bed together with beer bottles and condoms by the bed…and worst of all…her wedding ring. His heart felt like it was shattering as he cast one desperate look back at the pair before slamming the door with tremendous force causing the frame to shake and storming past a bewildered Seth who simply watched his brother race down the stairs and out of the door.

He frowned in confusion and opened the door and did a double take and swallowed hard…Marissa was in bed sobbing, barely dressed with another man…Shit was the only thought that crossed his mind before racing down the stairs after his brother before he did something stupid.

Ryan raced out the front door blinded by tears and rage and jumped into the car slamming the door hard behind him and shoving his keys in the ignition, nearly causing the keys to snap. He was numb right now…he still couldn't take it in…all he could see was her staring up at him pleadingly, not dressed and in bed with someone else…He thought he could trust her, he thought she loved him, he thought she wanted to be with him…He thought wrong.

He wiped his eyes hurriedly and pressed hard on the pedal causing the engine to roar into life and sped out of the driveway just in time to see Seth run out the door shouting his name…but he just carried on driving. He didn't care where he went, just somewhere away from here. Away from her

A/N sorry that part was so short but I've been really busy recently, trust me the writing gets better in the next few parts! I'm not very happy with this one so I may end up editing some of it. Tell me what you think though

Next time: 4 years later and we find out what has happened to the gang and what their lives are like now


	7. Irony

A/N thanks for thereviews once again and all I can say it THANKYOU and keep it up! I'm so glad you like this fic and I love writing it so don't stop reviewing. OK I have a lot to write in this author's note to explain the gang's current situation and what they are doing with there lives sooo…here we go. BTW I have decided to make it 4 years later so they will be 23/24

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Marissa left Newport shortly after the incident and moved to New York to pursue a modelling career. She gained a contract and is now one of the most famous super models in the world. She is the cover of hundreds of magazines and her face graces billboards all over the world. She is currently living with world famous actor Jake Hayes. They are living in a large penthouse apartment but want to move into a house together. She still misses Ryan and her friends from Newport and has no idea what they are doing now except for Summer.

Summer became a chat show host and has her own show. She is still dating Seth and making a lot of money. They are happy together and she still misses talking to Marissa after they lost touch. Her and Seth are living with Ryan whilst their house is being built. They live in New York

Seth is the executive of a large comic book company and Atomic County eventually hit the shelves and became an overnight success. He is still dating Summer and they are very happy together. Is happy to be living with Ryan for now and still loves bagels and pudding. Him and Summer are also trying for a baby.

Ryan is one of the world's youngest self made billionaires and lives in a huge penthouse apartment designed by him. He took over the Newport group and turned it into Cohen &Atwood ltd. He is a hugely successful architect doing jobs all over the country and sometimes across the world. He has a 2 year old daughter called Ellie. She was born to a woman named Claire who Ryan had a serious relationship with but things didn't work out and she abandoned Ryan and Ellie when Ellie got sick with meningitis. He loves Ellie and works mostly from home but sometimes goes into the office and leaves Ellie with Summer and Seth. He is still cut up over Marissa and hates having to see her face everyday when he leaves the house.

Right, I know…huge change right? But don't read this and panic I have really good plans for how things are going to work out…I'm frightened by my own genius! Lol So…here is the first FUTURE part! Enjoy and tell me what you think!

* * *

Marissa yawned widely and pulled on her pink silk dressing gown rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She stretched out and glanced in the mirror quickly, making a disgruntled face as she saw her dishevelled appearance. Her long blonde hair stuck out at odd angles and her make-up from last night was smudged making her look like a bedraggled panda. She sighed and took one of her make-up wipes from the packet at her dressing table and began wiping the smeared make-up from her pale, tired face. She yawned again and glared at herself in the mirror. She would never drink that much again…She laughed slightly, how many times had she said that the morning after a party? Too many. She glanced out of the open window and sighed, she could hear the bustle of the busy streets outside and the sun spilled through the gap in the fluttering curtains. She loved New York but it just wasn't the same as Newport, she knew she still shouldn't be feeling home-sick but she couldn't help it. She could hear Jake mumbling from the other room obviously on the phone. He had been so busy recently, what with sorting out the building of their new house and a few film roles up for grabs. She shuffled across to the door and pulled it open and crossed the hall across to the spacious, gleaming kitchen. Jake stood by the counter talking on his cell and pacing up and down the room. His deep brown eyes caught hers and he smiled, she smiled back still amazed at how his gleaming smile always seemed to make her blush.

"Okay great, so you'll arrange a meeting tomorrow at 12? I can't…how about here? Yeah sure…make sure it's him I want the best not some hopeless junior apprentice. Yeah okay, sure. Thanks. Bye." He finished, he hung up and turned and slipped his hands around Marissa's thin waist and rested his chin on her shoulder as she stirred cream into her steaming mug of coffee. He kissed her neck softly and she smiled.

" Who was that?" She asked turning around to face Jake.

"Well…I've got someone to design and build our new house!" He said with a grin. She smiled back and sat down at the breakfast bar sipping her coffee and surveying his appearance over the rim of her mug. She hated it when he had long hair, but he had to grow it for the film he was making. She didn't really care who was building their house as long as it got built soon and it looked good. She was fed up of living in this apartment, she needed some more wardrobe space for her vast amount of clothing. At least now she had an excuse, she was a model…she needed a lot of clothes. She was pulled out of her reverie by Jake waving his hand in front of her face

"Earth to planet Riss…" He said with a roguish grin. She blinked and forced a smile

"Sorry, I was somewhere else…so who did you get?" She asked hoping he wouldn't press the matter any further…he has already asked her about her drinking now she didn't want him worrying about why she was being so distant…The truth was she wasn't happy, being a model wasn't all it was cracked up to be and she missed her old life…the people in it.

"Only the best for you sweetie…Cohen & Atwood ltd." He said airily reaching into the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.

Marissa felt her heart stop and the world seemed to stop still…Cohen and Atwood…surely it couldn't be…oh god, what if it was? Oh god…Atwood…Cohen. She spluttered on her hot coffee and spilt on her legs and she hissed in pain. Atwood…she hadn't heard that name in a long time, but she thought about it everyday.

"Baby are you okay?" Jake asked rushing over with a paper towel. She shrank back slightly and took the towel from his hands just as he reached to wipe her legs. She still felt numb…Atwood…Cohen and Atwood. Surely it couldn't be…maybe it was just a coincidence

"I…I'm fine…who did you say was building the house?" She stammered nervously her heart pounding and the blood rushing in her ears. He looked at her strangely and drew back

"Cohen & Atwood ltd. It's run buy some guy called Ryan Atwood, apparently he's the best in the business and an architectural genius…he built the Wrexham theatre on 23rd Street." He said knowing she would know that building.

Marissa gasped…that building was beautiful…Ryan Atwood, it was him. Ryan…her Ryan! Oh god…this was going to be awful, seeing him again? Coming face to face with him after all these years, what was she going to do? She couldn't tell Jake, he'd go mad. She knew first hand how jealous he would get, imagine what she would be like when she found out that the guy building their new house was her ex-boyfriend and the love of her life. He couldn't know…and she couldn't meet him. It would hurt to much, bring back all the memories she had so desperately tried to forget and erase.

"We have a meeting at 12 and you have to come…don't say you can't because I cleared your schedule so you better show up. I've got to go now but I'll be back at 11:30 and the meeting is at 12. So I'll see you then, I'm sure you'll love him." He said kissing on the forehead

Marissa smiled weakly as she watched him leave, he really didn't get the irony of his words…How was she going to get out of this one?

* * *

Ryan shuffled across the hall dragging his feet along the wooden floors as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and yawned widely. He ran his fingers through his shaggy blonde hair and sighed. Ellie had been up all night screaming after Seth had let her watch the exorcist. Mental note…kill Seth.

He peered around the doorframe and spotted Seth and Summer sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee and reading the paper. Seth looked up and smiled sheepishly, his hair was still wild, but longer and curlier but his brown eyes were still the same.

"It lives." He said taking a sip of coffee. Ryan shot him a death glare and reached for the coffee pot

"No thanks to you…I can't believe you let her watch that last night! I was up half the night trying to convince her that she wasn't going to be possessed." He grumbled pouring himself a large steaming cup of coffee and joining Seth and Summer. Summer looked up and smiled

"It's okay Ryan, he's been punished. I'm not buying bagels OR pudding this week." She said glaring at Seth

"I have BAGS under my eyes Cohen, how can I go on TV looking like this? You know I need my beauty sleep." She said taking a bite of toast and glaring at Seth. Seth sighed deeply and stood up straightening his tie and checking his wild mop of hair in the mirror.

"You're always beautiful honey, anyway I've got to go to work now. Oh and Ryan you got a call from Emma, apparently you have a new client and a meeting at 12 and she wants you to ring her back at the office." He said kissing Summer on the forehead and heading towards the door.

"Oh thanks for telling me now, it's like 11 now…Summer could you possibly look after Ellie just till I get back?" He asked hopefully. Summer sighed deeply

"I suppose so, as long as you're back by 3…It's the least I can do after Cohen mentally scarred her last night." She said darkly but with a small smile. Ryan grinned

"Thanks Sum, you're a life saver!" He said smiling and heading towards the phone.

"I know." She said smugly.

Ryan picked up the phone and pressed speed dial to his office, he sighed listening to dial tone and tapping his foot. He had so much work right now, he didn't have enough time for Ellie and that was even with working from home.

"Hello Cohen & Atwood ltd, how can I help?" A bright chirpy voice said

"Hey it's Ryan, Seth said you had a new client for me?" He asked tiredly desperately trying to stifle an oncoming yawn.

"Oh yeah, you'll never guess who it is! Jake Hayes!" She said excitedly whilst Ryan just looked blank and raised an eyebrow.

"Um…and that is?" He asked rubbing his eyes and leaning against the wall. He was exhausted.

"Duh, the famous actor…you know the one going out with that Marissa Cooper." She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ryan nearly dropped the phone in surprise, he gripped it tightly trying desperately not to let it slip out of his hand as his heart skipped a beat.

"W..what?" He stammered disbelievingly…oh no…oh no…Tell me he wasn't building them both a new house or something. It was bad enough seeing her face smiling down at him from billboards and magazine covers, that was painful enough but now he had to work with her boyfriend…Just great

"Yeah, you're building them both a new house. It's a great opportunity, you know star's homes always bring in lots of money and publicity. Your meeting is at 12 at the following address."

Ryan blindly reached for a pen and automatically wrote down the address but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't believe he would be seeing her face to face for the first time in about 4 years. He didn't know if he could handle this…he couldn't get out of this one.

* * *

Ryan glanced at his appearance in the mirror and sighed, he couldn't believe he was actually going to be meeting with Marissa and her boyfriend. This was going to be horrible, it had been so hard not to just phone in and say he couldn't make it but Seth and Summer had managed to convince him to go. He collapsed down onto the bed and sighed when he heard a shriek, he sat up and walked out of the room.

"Ellie?" He called down the hall when he heard another shriek. He felt his heart beat quicken and he ran down the hallway. He could hear her crying and he ran faster and burst into the living room his heart racing. Ellie sat on the floor her knees hugged to her chest and tears rolled down her cheeks, her sheets of blonde hair hung over her face as she wailed. Ryan pulled her into his arms.

"What's wrong sweetie?" he asked softly, she sniffled and pointed to her knee.

"I hurted my knee." She whimpered pointing to the scratch. Ryan kissed her forehead and carried her over to the kitchen counter where he sat her down.

"Well the magic band aids will make it better, do you want…Share bear or snoopy?" He asked rummaging through the top cupboard and watching his daughter carefully as she wiped her eyes.

"Share bwear!" She cried happily her sad expression fading into a smile. Ryan's smile faltered as he thought of Marissa. He took the band aid out and applied it carefully to Ellie's knee and kissed her forehead.

"Better?" He asked helping her down off the counter. She smiled and nodded

"Thanks Daddy, when's auntie Summer coming?" She asked settling herself down on the couch in front of the TV and watching Sponge Bob square pants. Ryan smiled faintly as he watched her

"Um she should be here round about…" He started looking at his watch

"Hi guys! Sorry I'm late, I got held up at the mall!" She said setting down her vast amount of shopping bags and sighing.

"Hey Ellie! Oooh SpongeBob, Seth loves that show but don't tell him I told you." She whispered and Ellie giggled. Ryan smiled and waved to Ellie

"Bye Sweetie…shouldn't be gone long. Wish me luck Sum" He said as he grabbed his jacket, she smiled and hugged hi tightly

"Don't worry Ryan, I'm sure it'll be um…fine" She said unconvincingly, Ryan raised an eyebrow and she smiled

"Look just go, you don't want to be late. Me and Ellie need to have a girly chat anyway" She said smiling down at Ellie. Ryan frowned

"Summer…she's two, she can't even dress herself yet." He said sceptically. Summer sighed exasperatedly

"Honestly, boys just don't understand! Now go! Vamanos Atwood" She said pushing him out the door and slamming it behind him.

* * *

Marissa fiddled with the couch throw tassels nervously, she couldn't believe she was really doing this! Jake wasn't even here yet! Why was he so late? He should have been here 20 minutes ago. It was bad enough having to see Ryan again after everything that had happened, but on her own! She sighed and leant back in the chair and pulled out her cell. Jake wasn't answering his calls, his phone was off. Where was he? She tossed her hair over her delicate shoulders and frowned down at the magazines on the table all with her face on the cover, she pushed them off the table. Marco, her manager had insisted on looking through all the pictures to see if she was 'still hot.' She hated being a model at the moment, everyone fussing over her, the press, the endless shoots and makeup calls, having to look fabulous at all times, not being able to pop out to the shops in sweats, the endless parties and the pressure. She was tired of it, she just wanted to go back to Newport and see her friends and roast herself on the beach…but she had lost that chance a long time ago. The intercom buzzed and Marissa jumped and leapt to her feet straightening her skirt and the couch throw nervously, she picked up the phone.

"I've got a Ryan Atwood here for you and Mr Hayes, shall I buzz him through?" The gruff voiced security guard asked. Marissa swallowed hard and sighed

"Yeah go ahead George." She said her hands shaking as she gripped the phone. Where the hell was Jake? Oh god this was real..she would come face to face with Ryan Atwood, the love of her life…

Ryan walked past the huge doorman and up to the lavish apartment building, he recognised the architecture, probably Williams and Co. He gripped the door handle nervously unsure of whether to go in, he knew he had to because they knew he was here now but he didn't know if he could face her. He closed his eyes and swallowed and pushed the door open slowly his hands shaking. He couldn't believe he was actually doing this…at least they wouldn't be alone together, even if he was meeting her superstar boyfriend…

* * *

Meanwhile

Jake hurriedly pulled his jeans over his legs, his hands shaking as he glanced at the clock anxiously. He was so late. He pulled his shirt over his head briskly and shoved his wallet into his pocket.

"Do you really have to go baby?" The beautiful barely brunette whispered huskily from the bed. He leant over and kissed her swiftly

"I'm sorry, I'm later…I thought we'd only do it once!" He said heading for the door. She pouted as he left

"Fine then…but you're still on for tomorrow right?" She asked, Jake grinned

"Course." He said before heading out the door and rushing into his car.

* * *

Sorry to cut the part short but I don't have much time and I love leaving cliffhangers, even tho the are so cruel! Lol I will hopefully post again soon If I have time and the computer is free so enjoy this for now and please review!

Next Time: Ryan and Marissa meet again for the first time in years and Seth enjoys a night in with Summer.


	8. Awkward

Thanks for your reviews guys please keep them up and I will continue posting! Enjoy!

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Ryan knocked lightly on the door and swallowed hard, trying to steady the nerves that were building inside of him. Should he just turn and leave? Could he really do this? Could he really face her after everything that had happened? He sighed and dug his hands into his pocket remembering all the moments he and Marissa had shared, the embraces, the kisses, every 'I love you'. He did miss being with her but whenever he thought about her it made his heart ache. He wished everyday that she had never slept with that guy, or that he had never found out. Then maybe he'd be married to her, they'd have kids and be happy and he'd be with the woman he loved…but then he wouldn't have had Ellie. He just wished that things could go back to the way they used to be between them. When they were happy and in love. He was pulled from his reverie by the front door opening and Marissa's beautiful, flawless face appearing from around the door. She smiled nervously.

Ryan felt like all the breath had been knocked out of him. She stood there in a short, white, linen skirt and a baby pink tank top. She smiled slightly her deep blue, sapphire eyes sparkling and her blonde shining hair fell gently around her delicate shoulders. He forced a faint smile back, his heart hammering at 100mph as he stared into her intoxicating eyes.

"Hi" He said breathlessly. She blushed slightly

"Hi, um…Jake's running late so, he kinda isn't here yet." She stammered her heart pounding so loudly in her ears she could barely hear her own words. She looked him up and down and felt her heart skip a beat. His shaggy, sandy blonde hair fell just above his deep blue eyes which shimmered slightly, his shoulder's were broader and underneath his black shirt she could make out his defined, toned muscles. He had a little bit of stubble which made him look rugged…just how she liked it. She felt her knees shaking and she opened the door a little wider feeling stupid for just standing there and staring at him rather than inviting him in. She felt herself flush red slightly as she caught his gaze, his smile always managed to make her heart melt.

"Oh…um come in, hopefully he'll be over soon because I don't have a clue what all this house stuff is about." She said opening the door wider to let him through. He looked at her for a few seconds being brought back down to earth by the thought of her rich, famous actor boyfriend joining them. What was he doing? He was over her, he wasn't in love with her…she cheated on him…Then why did he feel like this? She waved him in and he felt his legs automatically push him forward into the lavish apartment.

She walked slowly forward and lead him into the lounge, she watched him carefully as he looked around in awe. She smiled slightly as she watched him but shook herself out of it. She shouldn't be doing this, she had a boyfriend, she couldn't love Ryan anymore…not after what she had done, and even if she did there was no way he would feel the same. She didn't even know if he had forgiven her, she didn't deserve to be forgiven. An awkward silence hung heavy in the air and she suddenly snapped back to reality. She hadn't said anything for a good two minutes she had just been staring at him! Oh god this was so awkward…she thought desperately

"Do you want anything to eat or drink? I can put some coffee on if you like?" she said motioning to the gleaming kitchen through the doorway. Ryan shifted slightly from foot to foot

"Um…yeah sure, I'll give you a hand." He said following her into the large, white and silver kitchen. She reached up and took two cups out of the cupboard and began making the coffee whilst Ryan watched feeling awkward. He still couldn't quite get his head around this. He was in his ex-fiancée's kitchen making coffee and waiting for her film star boyfriend to come back. He sighed to himself as another awkward silence filled the room broken only by the clatter of china.

Marissa tried to busy herself in making the coffee but she found herself stealing glances over her shoulder at him and watching him as he stared around the room taking everything in. She couldn't believe how much older he looked, and how good he looked. She kicked herself mentally and began pouring the coffee into the cups.

"You still take it black?" She called over her shoulder. Ryan smiled slightly

"Yeah, you still take coffee with your sugar?" He asked jokingly remembering how sweet she took her coffee. She laughed slightly and handed Ryan a steaming mug.

"Yeah sometimes." She said taking a sip and smiling over the rim of her mug.

"So, hows life treating you?" She asked trying to fill the silence with small talk…where on earth was Jake? Ryan paused slightly not sure how to answer, whether to tell her that he was a single parent after his partner became an alcoholic and abandoned her daughter? Or just to tell her everything was fine…the second option was easier. He didn't want to go into things, he couldn't just stand here and spill his heart out to a person he hadn't spoken to in years even though he knew she would listen.

"Great really, company's doing well…Seth's just about housetrained." He said smiling slightly. Marissa looked surprised and took another sip of coffee

"You're still living with Seth?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah him and Summer, well they're kinda crashing at my place whilst I'm building their new house." He said shrugging. Marissa nodded…so all three of them were still friends and she was here alone, mind you she deserved it.

"Wow, what's Seth doing then? Obviously I know about Summer, everyone at work watches her show!" She said leaning against the counter.

Ryan gripped onto his coffee cup his hands shaking as he watched her. He was so confused right now. Just sitting here and talking to her was bringing back so many memories, good and bad. It was bringing back all the stuff he had tried to hard to forget and the stuff he never wanted to forget…

"Um, he's managing his own Comic Book company…his dream job really. What about you? Famous supermodel, great apartment…" He said looking around trying to shift the topic away from him…where was her damn boyfriend? He needed to get back to Ellie.

"It's great really, sometimes miss Newport though." He said immediately regretting it, she looked up and caught his eyes and then looked away guiltily flushing slightly. She set down her coffee cup too close to the edge and it fell hitting the floor with a smash and the familiar tinkle and breaking china. She swore and bent down slowly, Ryan followed suit and helped to pick up the pieces of china carefully avoiding her gaze.

"I'm sorry, I'm so clumsy." She said almost to herself. Ryan reached out for a piece of china and Marissa reached out for the same piece…her hand landed softly on top of his and invisible sparks shot between as they looked up both meeting each other's gazes. They locked for a few seconds, Ryan's heart beat quickening as he felt her soft touch against his, he swallowed his heart hammering against his ribs as she drew her hand away softly and cleared her throat.

"Sorry." She mumbled standing up and emptying the shards into the bin. Ryan rose slowly, aware of his face burning and his stomach churning nervously. He stole a quick glance at her and found her watching before smiling slightly and looking away…There was a long pause and Ryan cleared his throat.

"So I um…" He was cut off by the door opening and a rather flushed out of breath Jake rushing into the room.

"I'm SO sorry I'm late, hey sweetie…Traffic was a nightmare, Hi I'm Jake Hayes." He said sticking a hand out. Ryan eyed him up and down recognising him from a film he had seen lately and eventually took his hand and shook it.

"It's ok, shall we get started then? I've got to be back by 3." He said glancing at Marissa who was staring down at her shoes.

"Sure, sorry again…"

Marissa looked up and watched Ryan disappear with Jake into the next room and sighed. Jake was sweet and kind and loving but…he wasn't the same as Ryan…that was the only thing wrong with him, he wasn't Ryan Atwood. If only she hadn't mucked things up…then maybe things would be perfect

"Marissa honey, come in here!" jake called from the other room, she sighed and entered sitting next to Jake…wishing she was next to Ryan and in his arms again. But she had made sure that that would never happen.

* * *

Ryan signed the end of the last form and put his pen down with a sigh keeping his eyes on the page so he didn't have to share another awkward gaze with Marissa. Jake grinned and stuck out his hand

"Thanks very much, it's a pleasure doing business with you. I'll check my schedule and pencil in a meeting maybe in a few weeks but it depends whether I get this new role or not." He said airily and smiling across at Marissa who smiled weakly back.

"Riss doesn't want me to get it because it means I'll be in Europe for 4 months and she'll miss me wont you honey?" He asked taking Marissa's hand, she nodded slightly and offered a pathetic smile as she flushed pink and looked across at Ryan who was staring down at the floor awkwardly. Suddenly the tinny buzzing of a cell phone filled the room and Marissa jumped and pulled out a small sleek phone from her pocket and flipped it open.

"Hey Marco…yeah, I remember…Really? But I thought Jess Capri was doing it?...No way!...Um yeah sure, my car is being serviced right now but I'm sure Jake can give me a lift…6? Yeah sure…thanks, see you then!" She finished brightly before flipping her phone shut with a click. She turned to Jake who was talking to Ryan about cars.

"I got the Chanel job!" She cried happily hugging Jake tightly. Jake wrapped his arms around her whilst Ryan stood to the side looking uncomfortable.

"Could you give me a lift to the Hilton?" She asked pulling away from Jake still smiling. Jake frowned slightly

"Um sorry babe I can't, I have a meeting with Greg and Julia in…now Can't you get a cab?" He asked glancing at his watch. Ryan watched them praying he wouldn't ask what he thought he was going to ask…It was obvious Jake didn't have a clue about their history otherwise there was no way he would have hired him.

"Ew, you know what cab drivers are like!" She whined reminding Ryan slightly of Ellie when she was having a tantrum…or Summer for that matter. Jake frowned and ran a hand through his dark hair and glanced towards Ryan causing his stomach to drop, he knew what he was going to ask and he knew he wouldn't be able to say now. The Hilton was on his way home! Oh damn it…Why did this always happen to him?

"Ryan? Could you possibly give Marissa lift to the Hilton? Looking at this address it's…it's right on the way there. Please it will only be this once normally I'd do it myself but I really have to go" He pleaded. Ryan sighed deeply hoping it wasn't too loud and glanced across at Marissa who was now a deep shade of crimson and was trembling slightly

"Oh no Jake it's ok, I'll get a cab…"She started but Jake cut her off

"Look it's on his way home! He might as well, it's not everyday you get to have a beautiful model in your car is it?" He said smiling and looking at Ryan who forced, what he hoped would pass as a smile back.

"Yeah sure…" He mumbled weakly not really letting the words sink in. As if this wasn't awkward enough now he had to give her a ride…Someone up there really didn't like him.

* * *

The large, black range rover was silent as it crawled along the busy roads through the traffic. Ryan tapped the steering wheel impatiently as he waited for the lights to change, he was looking anywhere else except for the passenger seat where Marissa sat stiffly and staring out the window. She glanced across quickly at Ryan who was staring at the road in front of him blankly and then she looked up at the rear view mirror and something caught her eye. She glanced up at the two photos that hung from the mirror as they swung in time with the car. The first picture didn't surprise her especially, it was the chrismukkah photo from Ryan's first Christmas in Newport. He looked so young and carefree, not like now…thanks to her. It was the second photo that caught her eye, it was of Ryan and was pretty recent…He was smiling and bouncing a beautiful blonde haired baby on his lap. The little girl was smiling but what kept Marissa staring at the little girl was her extraordinary eyes, deep blue…just like Ryan's. Could it be his…he hadn't mentioned anything about a girlfriend or a wife? Unless maybe he didn't really want to talk about it with her…She glanced across at him again her heart pounding just like it did whenever she saw him…should he ask him about it?

"Um…who's this?" She asked faintly, pointing shakily to the swinging picture as the car moved steadily forward. Ryan glanced up at the picture briefly his expression back to the road, he sighed deeply. He wondered how long it would be till she asked him that. Might as well just get it over with, the Hilton was pretty near anyway. He kept his eyes fixed on the road as he started to speak.

"My daughter…her name's Ellie and she's 2" He mumbled glancing across the road but withdrawing his gaze as he spotted another billboard bearing Marissa's smiling face. Marissa swallowed hard and stared back out the window…why was she feeling like this? Ryan wasn't hers anymore, she was with Jake and things were over between them…then why was she feeling…Jealous?

"Who's her mom?" She ventured curiously regretting the question as soon as it echoed out of her mouth. She cringed and glanced across at Ryan who was staring determinedly at the road and was gripping the steering wheel tightly. Why was she asking him this? Why did she have to bring it up now? Awkward or what? That word just seemed to describe his whole day…he sighed

"Emma, she doesn't live with us…she left when Ellie was one." He said blankly his voice void of any emotion. Silence hung heavy in the atmosphere as Marissa stared down at her hands not having a clue about what to say to him. Silence seemed like the best option right now so she simply stared out of the window. She couldn't believe how different his life was to hers…why had this Emma girl left? Were they married? There was so much she didn't know about him, before 'that night' she had known almost everything about him, things that no one…not even Seth knew. The uncomfortable silence was broken by Ryan's cell ringing loudly, he put it on hands free seeing that it was Seth.

"Hello?"

"Hey man, um I think you should get here. I think Ellie's sick, she's got a fever and Sum's really worried." Seth babbled quickly. Ryan felt his heart beat quicken and he glanced across at Marissa then at his watch. She smiled weakly at him

"We have time." She said, Ryan half smiled

"I'll be right there…"

* * *

So...Marissa goes back to Ryan's house, sparks will fly! Review and I will post the next part!


	9. reunions

_A/N Thanks for the reviews guys! I'm glad you like this fic, just to clear a few things up...Seth and Summer aren't engaged just going out, Ellie is Ryan's daughter and her mother is a woman named Emma, Marissa is going out with Jake. Seth and Summer are staying at Ryan's house whilst their new house is being built by Ryan and his company. Hope you enjoy this part and please tell me what you think._

Marissa stared out the window watching the tall sky scrapers get replaced by blocks of apartments and winding streets lined with trees and flowers. The sun was sinking low behind the towering sky scrapers that jutted out against the orange skyline and the golden light illuminated the car causing Marissa's golden blonde hair to gleam and Ryan's deep blue eyes to shimmer as he sped along the roads purposefully. She couldn't believe she was actually going to his house now…she would see her best friend who she hadn't seen in about a year but most importantly of all…she would see Ryan's daughter. She just wished she could fill the silence that hung heavily around them with something they could talk about that wouldn't hit a nerve or lead to another awkward pause, she hated the way things were now. They used to be able to talk for hours about absolutely anything and now she was struggling to even manage a syllable. She hated that things had changed so much and she would give anything to go back to the way things used to be, when she could talk to him, when she was in his strong arms, when she could hold him and kiss him and tell him how much she loved him. She let out a long sigh and glanced at her watch…she still had time.

Ryan turned the last corner and felt relief wash over him, finally he could escape the awkwardness and the tension that was building between them. He hated it. He used to be so carefree and easy going around her, he used to just look at her and start smiling but now every time he looked at her all the memories just came flooding back, good and bad. He just wished he could erase all the bad ones and just go back in time to when he had just asked her to marry him and start over…but then he wouldn't have Ellie. Maybe things were just supposed to be this way, maybe this was fate?

He pulled up into the large driveway through the lavish gates and pulled up to the huge, beautiful house not much different to the many McMansions that lined the streets of Newport. Marissa let out a small inaudible gasp as she gazed up at the house in front of her, it was beautiful. It looked like…the model home but, finished and it looked incredible. She looked up at the huge arched windows and the large wooden double doors, the gleaming marble pillars and the beautiful balcony that overlooked the central French doors at the front of the house. Wow…she thought, he had done well for himself. The car engine stopped and Ryan swung his door open and stepped out. Marissa shakily followed suit and stepped out onto the driveway her heels clicking noisily. She shut her door and looked over at Ryan who locked the car and strode up to the front door signalling for Marissa to follow him up. She tottered after him regretting wearing such ridiculously high shoes. Ryan pulled out his keys his heart hammering as he fumbled with the lock…was he really inviting Marissa Cooper into his house? God this was so weird… The door eventually opened and he stepped through.

"Sum?" He called loudly. Marissa frowned slightly…Sum? That's what she used to call Summer, Ryan and Summer had never been this close. This was so weird, mind you if they were living together… She felt her mouth drop open as she looked around the vast marble floored hallway and gaped up at the large archway ceilings, the whole place was beautiful. Ryan started up the stairs but he heard Summer calling him from the kitchen.

"Ryan? I'm in the kitchen." She called back. Marissa smiled slightly at her friend's familiar voice, god she had missed her. She didn't have any friends at the moment, sure she had friends who went around with her but they weren't REAL friends, friends like Summer who had known you since 2nd grade and knew everything about you. Friends that had gone through everything with you and who could finish your sentences and understood you totally. Summer was her only friend like that but she probably wasn't even her best friend anymore, she probably didn't know the first thing about her anymore. She swallowed slightly blinking back tears as she thought of everything she had missed out on. She followed Ryan as he walked through a huge living room then through into a gleaming kitchen with a second sitting room attached to the side. Summer was sat on the kitchen counter swinging her legs and shaking a thermometer in her hand, her hair was still thick and dark but slightly shorter and in choppy layers, she was wearing a tight fitting pink camisole and jeans. She didn't look up from the thermometer

"I'm just taking her temperature; I think she has a fever. She's in her room right now I think Seth's watching her.." She looked up and let out a scream and leapt off the counter.

"Marissa!" She shrieked throwing her arms around her friend. Marissa giggled and hugged her friend tightly enjoying finally being able to see her best friend again.

"Hey." She said breathlessly after having the wind knocked out of her from Summer's tight embrace. They broke apart both grinning and Ryan couldn't help but smile slightly as the two girls giggled and hugged again. Ryan cleared his throat slightly and they turned to his direction both pairs of eyes shining with tears.

"I'm just gonna go and um…check on Ellie, you guys catch up." He said smiling slightly and taking the thermometer from the side and disappearing from the room. Summer watched him leave her heart pounding in her chest and turned to her friend grinning from ear to ear. She couldn't believe she was here…she couldn't believe Ryan let her come in here! What was she doing here anyway? To be honest she really didn't care, all she wanted to do was catch up with her best friend.

"Oh my god ! It's so great to see you again! You look amazing!" She gushed looking her friend up and down and smiling. Marissa grinned back momentarily forgetting she was in Ryan's house.

"Thanks, but what about you! You look gorgeous and I love your show!" She said following as Summer lead her over to the couch and sat down.

"You watch it? Wow…Marissa Cooper watches my show!" She said sighing and smiling happily. Marissa laughed slightly

"What's with the whole Marissa Cooper thing? You not calling me Coop is freaking me out!" She said remembering how Summer had refused to call her by her first name all the way through high school and how the name had just kind of stuck.

"Sorry it's just…wow you're so famous and we haven't spoken for so long! How've you been girl? How is it living the high life?" She said leaning forward. Marissa couldn't stop smiling, she hadn't realised just how much she missed having her best friend around and being able to talk to someone. She decided to go for the easy answer though, she wouldn't tell her how she hated getting hounded by the press, the endless parties and shoots, the drinking, smoking, guys drooling over her and trying to grope her at every turn, everyone knowing her business and how every time her heart was broken it was splashed across newspapers for other people's entertainment…No she would go for the easy way out.

"It's great really. I love the clothes and I'm not complaining about the money either. What about you though eh? Your own TV show, living in a place like this!" She said looking around in awe at the stunning house. Summer flicked her hair back and sighed.

"I'm actually really happy at the moment, things with Seth are going great, I love my job and of course this place is amazing but it's not mine…hopefully our house will be finished soon. It's going to be amazing, not as beautiful as this of course but me and Seth don't earn as much as Ryan if we put our salaries together!"

Marissa's smile faded slightly at the mention of his name and looked down at her shoes remembering suddenly where she was and the real reason why she hadn't spoken to Summer, Seth or Ryan for so long. Summer watched her carefully and sighed, she reached out a hand and took Marissa's in hers.

" It's okay Coop, I don't hate you because of what happened. No matter what you will always be my best friend. I know how weird this must be for you coming here but trust me it's probably weirder for Ryan! You can't just go all silent everytime his name comes up in conversation…you guys need a fresh start. Forget what happened in the past and start over." She said looking Marissa straight in the eyes. Marissa stared back into her friend's deep brown eyes and smiled slightly, she knew she was right but this was going to be so hard.

" I know it's just…"

"Hard?...I know me and Seth have been there. Look, if you want him to trust you again and to be a part of his life even if it's only friends you need to prove to him that he can trust you…"

Marissa opened her mouth to reply but the words stuck in her throat as Seth walked through the door. Their eyes locked and Seth glared across at Marissa. What was she doing here? He thought angrily, why had Ryan let her in here? He stared at her for a few seconds watching her smile fade as she read his expression and then her gaze shifted over to Summer who was looking uncertainly between the pair.

"What is SHE doing here?" He asked harshly his voice dripping with distaste. Marissa flinched slightly at his tone and shifted awkwardly in her chair, Summer glared across at Seth angrily.

"SHE has a name and for your information Ryan invited her in okay?"

Seth's look of despise changed into confusion and Marissa rose slowly from her chair.

"I think I should just go…I'm gonna be late for my shoot anyway." She said awkwardly her hands shaking slightly as she gripped her purse. Summer gripped her arm not taking her gaze from Seth.

"No stay, Cohen's just being an inconsiderate a$$ face. Seth if you have a problem choke on it, I'm trying to catch up with my friend okay?" She said warningly her eyes flashing dangerously. Seth sighed and turned to leave the room but turned back slightly his wild brown curls bobbing slightly.

"By the way, if you think you can get your claws into Ryan again…think twice, you did enough damage last time." He spat angrily. Marissa felt tears sting in the back of her eyes and a lump formed in her throat…she had to get out of here. She stood up to leave but froze as she saw Ryan appear in the doorway looking between her and Seth his expression unclear.

Ryan looked across at his brother and then over to Marissa who was wearing an expression he had seen her wear many times…when she was going to cry but didn't want anyone to see it happen. His heart was hammering against his chest heavily as

"Leave it Seth." He warned his eyes flashing slightly. He looked back at Marissa and before he knew it the words were rolling of the end of his tongue easily before he even had a chance to process them.

"I'm sorry um…W…why don't you stay a while?" He stammered uncertainly shocked at what had just come out of his mouth…He felt his face fill with colour and he looked down at his shoes embarrassedly. What was he doing? Why was he asking her to stay? He was so confused right now…Why had he defended her when everything Seth had said was true? He sighed inwardly his mind racing with confused questions with no answer…Even after everything she still made him feel like this, even though he didn't want to. He looked up and watched her as she smiled slightly…

"Um…okay." She whispered shakily.

Summer looked between the pair and smiled slightly before shooting a glare at Seth.

"I'll make some coffee!" She said brightly.

* * *

Marissa felt her heart stop as Ryan asked her to stay…she felt a small smile curl at the corner of her lips. He wanted her to stay, he had defended her against Seth…his best friend and his brother. Maybe there was hope for them to start over after all? Her hands shook vigorously as she gripped the arm of the chair she was perched in and she looked up into his shining blue eyes and felt Goosebumps dance over her skin and she smiled.

"Um…Okay." She heard herself whisper, Summer leapt up from her seat next to her grinning.

"I'll make coffee." She said brightly before scuttling into the kitchen leaving Marissa and Ryan standing and staring at eachother awkwardly. Ryan couldn't believe he had done that, it had just come out of his mouth without thinking. Like an automatic response or something. He sighed inwardly and made to go and sit on the couch but a cry from upstairs stopped him in his tracks.

"I've just got to go and um…I've gotta check on Ellie." He stammered signalling towards the stairs. Marissa nodded numbly.

"Sure." She whispered watching him shuffle out of the room. She let out a long sigh and sank back in her chair and closed her eyes. Why couldn't she have just called a cab? This was so awkward, she shouldn't have come here…But it was great seeing Summer again. She opened her eyes and glanced over to where Summer was busy making coffee happily humming to herself.

"Err Sum? Can I use the bathroom?" She asked timidly. Summer looked up and smiled

"Sure, it's upstairs and the second door on the left. You can't miss it." She said looking down at the cups in front of her.

"You still take 2 sugars?" She asked. Marissa nodded and headed out of the room. She walked slowly through the vast marble hallway looking around in awe, the house was so beautiful. Walking up the large staircase she was suddenly aware of how huge the house was. She eventually reached the top of the stairs and came to face a large corridor in front of her with several doors on each side. She paused slightly, had Summer said second door on the left or right? Or was it the third? She groaned and figured it would have to be a case of trial and error. She ran a perfectly manicured hand through her shining blonde hair and let out a small sigh before heading towards the first door. Her hand hovered over the shining door handle uncertainly, maybe she should just ask Summer?...But she really needed to go. Marissa pushed the door slowly open and peered inside, the door revealed a perfectly immaculate cream guestroom. She sighed and shut the door turning to her right and trying the first door. She turned the knob…locked. The next one…guestroom number 2. This was ridiculous, how many rooms did this house have? She chewed on her bottom lip impatiently and tried the next door, she opened it slowly and stuck her head around the doorframe, she frowned. Uh oh…she thought to herself. The room was neutral colours of cream and beige and beautifully furnished. The large double bed was unmade and a few items of clothing hung on the back of the large leather armchair that sat in the corner. She looked around the walls and her gaze rested on the numerous photos that hung from the walls. This was Ryan's room…Her large blue eyes scanned across the various photos of Seth and Ryan, Ryan and Ellie…then one of Ryan with a tall beautiful blonde woman with large hazel eyes…definitely Ellie's mum, everything about her was the same except for Ryan's blue eyes. She looked at her for a while wondering where she was now and why she had left, why she had left Ryan and her daughter? She skipped across to the next photo and felt her hammering heart skip a beat, her breath hitched in her throat and she felt tears in her eyes as she looked at the smiling faces in the photos. Seth was carrying Summer on his back and they were both grinning in the bright Californian Sunshine, next to them were Ryan and herself. She had her arms around his shoulders and was resting her head next to his both grinning. She stared at it for a few seconds remembering the exact day it was taken and smiling sadly to herself…it was taken back when things were simple when she loved Ryan and he loved her back. When the fantastic four were still fantastic and when everything was perfect. She sighed blinking back tears and tore her eyes away from the sickly smiles unable to look at the picture anymore. She looked down at the CD rack in front of her not really looking at the rack but at the CD that lay next to it, the cover was slightly charred or smeared with charcoal. A lump grew in Marissa's throat as she stared down at the CD in disbelief…he still had it. He had kept it for all those years…She drew slightly closer and studied the picture on the front tears burning in her eyes as she read the title…The Model Home Mix. A door slammed somewhere in the house and Marissa jumped causing tears to drip from her eyes. She stumbled back out of the room and shut the door behind her. She stood alone in the hallway breathing heavily trying to slow down her racing heart…she couldn't be here anymore. She had to get out of here, she was gonna be late for her shoot if she didn't leave now anyway…She forgot about the bathroom and hurried down the stairs her heels clicking loudly, She blinked back her tears and tucked her hair behind her ears when Summer came out clutching two steaming mugs of coffee.

"Hey Coop! Here you go!" She said brightly handing her friend the mug, she watched her carefully. Her eyes were slightly red and she was shaking…what was up? Marissa took the cup shakily and smiled weakly at her friend.

"Sum thanks but…I really have to get to my shoot so…could you possibly give me a lift because Ryan's with Ellie…?" She asked timidly looking up at her friend. Summer frowned slightly then smiled

"Sure, let me grab my coat! You can chuck the coffee, probably would have tasted disgusting anyway." She said happily shooting Marissa smile and disappearing. Marissa smiled in relief and set her mug down on the counter and sighed shakily. She couldn't handle this right now…all these years she had tried so hard to forget and now it was all being bought back to her…the guilt, the sadness…everything! Summer re-appeared clutching her keys. They walked into the hall and Summer poked her head around the living room door.

"Seth I'm just going to drop Marissa at her shoot okay? Do you want me to pick anything up for you on the way back?" She asked. Seth looked up from the TV and smiled slightly

"Pudding?" He asked hopefully. Summer smirked slightly

"Yeah ok then, see you later." She said blowing a kiss. Seth smiled and glanced across at Marissa. He didn't really agree with her being here but he might as well be civil for Ryan at least.

"Um Marissa I…I'm sorry about earlier I…" He started but Marissa shook her head.

"It's okay…don't worry about it." She said quietly.

* * *

Summer tapped her fingers on the steering wheel impatiently as she waited for the lights to change and looked across at her friend who was staring out of the window her eyes glazed and tired.

"You alright Coop?" She asked watching as Marissa turned around smiled wearily.

"Yeah just tired…kinda confused as well. It's so weird seeing all you guys again, brings back memories you know?" She said looking down at her hands uncomfortably. Summer sighed slightly and looked up at the traffic lights which were still red before looking back to her friend.

"Yeah I do…I'm sure Ryan does too. Look I'm sorry about what Seth did, he's just really close with Ryan and I don't think he really understands what you must be feeling like right now." She started keeping her eyes on the road as the lights changed and she drive forward only to be stopped by another light. Marissa continued to gaze out of the window at the towering skyscrapers and the cars crawling slowly along the packed roads.

"Everything he said was true though…I just wish that I could take back everything that happened and that we could just go back to the way things were. I miss my old life, when I was happy." She said her voice cracking with emotion as tears dripped from her eyes smudging her make-up. She felt her hands shaking as she wiped her eyes and sniffed trying to pull herself together. She felt Summer's hand on hers and she looked up to face her, her deep brown eyes full of compassion and sympathy.

"I know sweetie trust me Ryan does as well…when you guys split he was a mess without you." She said sadly recalling how lost Ryan had been without Marissa so he had just thrown himself into his work instead.

Marissa looked back down back at her hands…WAS a mess without her, he didn't need her anymore. He had moved on but she was stuck back in the past still wishing that somehow she could change what happened and go back to the night before.

"Why did Ellie's mum leave? What happened?" Marissa asked chewing on an invisible hang nail not really caring that she might be spoiling her manicure, she could always get another one. Summer sighed loudly and the car inched forward a bit before grinding to a halt again. She looked down at the steering wheel and then turned to Marissa.

"Look, if I tell you this you can NEVER tell anyone okay? Ryan or Seth can't know that I told you okay?" She said seriously, staring into Marissa's eyes. Marissa felt her heart hammering in her ears and nodded unable to speak…

"Okay…Ryan was going out with this girl Emma and things were great it was the first time he was actually happy with someone. She moved in and things were going really well, Emma got pregnant and you know the rest…when Ellie was born there were a few complications and she was pretty sick. Emma took it hard and she got really depressed thinking it was her fault that Ellie was so sick. Ryan tried his best but he just couldn't help her. She started drinking and…you know how Ryan feels about drinking, the arguments started and Emma couldn't even come to see Ellie at the hospital which left Ryan doing everything…They got into a pretty serious argument and she threw a glass at Ryan and stormed out. She came back the next week to get her stuff, said goodbye to Ellie and just left. That's the last I saw of her." Summer finished sadly watching Marissa's horrified expression.

Marissa drew her eyes away from Summer unable to look at her anymore, she couldn't believe Ryan had been through so much. First her messing him about and then the mother of his child? Her heart was pounding in her ears and the silence in the car was deafening. How could she just walk out on them both? On her sick daughter? She opened her mouth to say something but she couldn't find the words. She swallowed and looked back at Summer her eyes shining slightly

"How could she do that?" She whispered, her voice shaking unevenly. Summer sighed and turned the corner towards the Hilton hotel.

"I don't know, Ryan didn't even have time to be upset over her leaving because he had to look after Ellie. Me and Seth tried to help him as much as we could but it was still a lot of work…You better hurry, you're late…Here's my number. Call me and we'll meet up sometime, catch up a little more?" She said hurriedly handing Marissa her card as several make-up artists and managers rushed over upon seeing Marissa in the car. Marissa leant in and hugged Summer tightly

"I missed you Sum…thanks!" She said hopping out the car.

"Bye hun…"

* * *

"Hello?" Marissa answered groggily as her cell phone rang shrilly.

"Sweetie it's Jake! I got the part!" He yelled happily. Marissa closed her eyes and groaned inwardly before desperately trying to inject some cheerfulness into her voice even though she was exhausted.

"That's great honey!" She said a little too brightly.

"Yeah but the thing is…I need to be in Paris next week and I'll be gone for 3 months…"

* * *

A/N I hoped you liked it, please review and tell me what you think and then hopefully I should post pretty soon!

Next Time: Marissa says goodbye to Jake as he leaves for Paris but when her apartment floods she turns to Summer for a place to stay...


	10. Do you love her?

A/N Thanks guys for your amazing reviews, especially Kari! That was the best review I have ever had! And the longest too! Thanks and this extra long part is dedicated to you! Please review

* * *

Marissa wrapped her arms around herself tightly and shivered as goosebumps prickled across her skin whilst a gentle breeze whipped around the lone willow that stood outside the apartment block. She watched as the chauffer packed the last suitcase into the large boot of the limo and Jake slipped the driver a twenty before turning back and shooting a warm smile at Marissa who forced a weak one back. She couldn't stop thinking about Ryan ever since she had come face to face with him again, there was so much about him that she didn't know anymore. Four years ago she had known nearly everything about him and they told each other everything, now she didn't even know where he worked or whether his favourite film was Shawshank redemption or whether his favourite food was still Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream. Jake drew closer and put his arm around Marissa's frail form and she relaxed into his embrace trying to clear her head of Ryan. There was no point thinking like this anymore, she had ruined all her chances of being with him, she just had to accept that she couldn't be close to him anymore. 

"Hey babe…I guess I'm off now then." He said pulling her tighter to him and kissing the top of her head gently. She smiled slightly and nuzzled her head closer to his chest.

"Do you have to go?" She asked softly, pouting slightly as she turned to head to look up at him. He smiled and kissed her lips gently

"Sorry honey I've got a contract, I'll ring you when I land and maybe I'll fly you over soon?" He said picking up his bag and turning so he was standing in front of Marissa. She nodded silently casting her eyes down to the ground and fixing her gaze on the row of tulips growing along the side of the grass. She smiled slightly, her favourite flowers…only Ryan knew that. She sighed and mentally kicked herself, she had to stop thinking about him.

"Call me as soon as you land okay?" She said leaning in closer, Jake nodded and smiled slightly as he slipped his hands around her slim waist and pressed his body closer to hers. He leant in and kissed her softly before pulling away slowly.

"I'll miss you." He said backing away slightly towards the car. Marissa blew him a kiss as he got into the car waving through the open window. The engine roared into life and the car backed slowly out of the drive as the sun set in the distance casting the small garden into golden sunlight. Marissa sighed and watched the car disappear slowly into the distance before turning and walking back into her apartment. Three months alone…just great.

* * *

Ryan watched his daughter drift off to sleep, her golden blonde hair was fanned out on the pillow around her and he stroked her forehead gently and sighed. It was probably only a 24 hour bug but he couldn't help worrying. He loved her so much and he was so protective over her. He watched her sleep peacefully her small frame curled into a foetal position as she sucked on her thumb and breathed in and out deeply. If something happened to her he didn't know what he would do, when she was sick it was the worst feeling of his life. Knowing that he might lose her, even though she had only been a few days/weeks old he still loved her more than he had loved anyone and he knew that if he had to, he would die for her. He watched her sleep peacefully for a few more seconds before letting out a long sigh and resting his head in his hands. He was exhausted. He still couldn't believe that after all these years he still felt that same thing whenever he saw Marissa Cooper. That slight tingle and numbness…that didn't mean he still loved her did it? He couldn't still love her…well he would always LOVE her but was he IN love with her? He couldn't be, he can't. Why had he defended her when everything Seth had said was right? Force of habit maybe…or maybe it was something more. He frowned slightly, he didn't want to love her. He didn't want to still feel that tingle everytime he saw her, he didn't want to still have feelings for her…It hurts too much.

He looked up as someone knocked softly on the door and got slowly to his feet making sure not to wake Ellie. He pulled open the door wearily to find Seth standing in the doorway shifting from foot to foot awkwardly.

"Hey man." He whispered. Ryan smiled slightly he knew what was coming. He moved forward and took one last look at Ellie before shutting the door silently behind him.

"Hey, look if you're going to apologise about earlier it really doesn't matter…I know why you said what you said and personally I don't blame you…I would have done the same for you." He said quickly before Seth got a chance to jump in and start babbling some inane attempt at an apology. Seth swallowed and smiled.

"Thanks…I just really want to ask you something and this is probably going to be one of those questions when you just give me 'the look' and send me on my way without even saying a word but…Why did you invite Marissa to stay?" He asked looking Ryan in the eyes and slipping his hands into his pockets as they walked slowly down the hallway together. Ryan sighed deeply and looked down at his shoes not knowing exactly how to answer the question but knowing he could at least be honest with Seth. He was so confused right now…about everything.

"I…I guess I don't really know. I just saw her face and the words just kinda came out and I didn't even think about what I was saying and before I knew it I had asked her to stay and she had said yes…I don't even know why I did it…" He stammered looking across at Seth who was smiling knowingly.

"Aaah yes, the Seth Cohen classic. Not thinking before you speak, happens to me all the time. The words just pop out and I don't even remember thinking about what to say…"

A smile curled at the corner of Ryan's mouth as he remembered all the times Seth's mouth had got him into trouble.

"Great you must be rubbing off on me…" Ryan mumbled just loud enough for Seth to hear.

"I know isn't it great?...One more question and I KNOW you're not gonna like this one." He paused before looking across at Ryan who was watching his feet as he moved one in front of the other slowly.

"Do you still love her?" He asked quietly watching his brother carefully. Ryan swallowed and stopped walking as they reached the stairs. He leant over the banisters as he looked across the marble floors and expensive furniture sighing as he did so. His mind was buzzing with different thoughts as he really tried to answer the question…

"I…I don't know, I think I'll probably always love her but…I don't think I'll be able to be In love with her again, not after everything that's happened. Sometimes I just wish that none of this ever happened and that everything was how it was but…other times, I guess I just want all this to go away and for it just to be me and Ellie and not have to worry over Marissa or Emma…" He said looking out of the window and watching the sun setting against the towering silhouettes of the skyscrapers and buildings which stuck out against the orange and gold skyline. Seth nodded and let out a small sigh.

"Yeah, lady drama is stressful…I think Summer is either going to make me go bald or make me have a heart attack…maybe both?" He said. Ryan grinned, he could always rely on Seth to make him smile.

"Trust me Seth, you may have a heart attack but you're never losing that mop." He said ruffling Seth's wild curls roughly. Seth drew away with a hiss looking outraged.

"What did I tell you? Don't touch the Jew-Fro!" He said indignantly but smiling nonetheless.

* * *

Marissa stepped out of the lift with a daze her drooping eyelids threatening to close as she dragged herself along the hallway towards her apartment, the last shoot had exhausted her. She had spent almost 2 hours sitting under a make-shift waterfall modelling the latest swimwear by Dior. She never wanted to see water ever again. She reached for he keys as she looked up at the ridiculously expensive mahogany doors and stuffed her key into the lock turning it roughly. She gasped as she felt cold water rush around her feet and screamed as she looked at the apartment in front of her. Cloudy brown water rippled around the apartment as the wallpaper flaked away and various papers and magazines floated gently on the surface. She screamed and dropped her bags…Great…Just great.

* * *

Summer chucked her dirty make-up wipe into the bin with a sigh and took a quick glance in the mirror checking her reflection before heading out of her dressing room with her bags and her phone clutched in her hands. She nodded goodbye to several crew members who were hanging around holding coffees and talking. She jumped slightly as her phone rang, she set her bags down and flicked open the small sleek cell.

"Hello Summer Roberts speaking." She said trying to sound cheerful. She could hear sniffing and sobs

"It's Marissa…I need your help." Marissa choked through her tears. Summer swallowed her hands shaking slightly…what had happened

"Coop, what's wrong?"

"My…My apartment's flooded and I have nowhere to go…I would go to a hotel but the press are always there and I kinda have a problem with them since…you know. Please could I just stay at yours for tonight?" She asked trying to control her shaking voice. Why did stuff like this always happen to her? The only two people she could stay with were in London doing a shoot and Jake was in Paris…Summer hesitated, she knew it wasn't her house but she sounded so desperate and Ryan would probably say yes wouldn't he? He wouldn't just leave her with nowhere to go…She couldn't let her friend down and afterall…it was only for one night.

"Okay, get your stuff and I'll pick you up…"

* * *

Summer flicked open her cell for the second time that night and dialled in home praying that Seth would pick up so he could be the one to break the news to Ryan that Marissa would be staying the night. She sighed as she turned the corner into the private road where Marissa's vast, grand apartment block stood. The ringing sounded a few times before a small click told her someone had picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Seth said groggily scratching his head slightly and sighing. Summer almost let out a loud sigh of relief as she heard Seth answer the phone. She could dump the responsibility of informing Ryan his ex-girlfriend and love of his life would be staying under the same roof for the night on Seth and not have to worry about Chino blowing up in her face about it.

"Hey Seth it's me…I um have something to tell you but you have to promise you wont get mad…" She said carefully pulling up a few metres away from Marissa's apartment block and shutting off the engine.

Seth sighed slightly, he didn't like where this conversation was going. Conversations that started like this never ended happily.

"Summer you can't make me promise not to get mad because I don't know what it is yet, you might have done something really terrible like cheated on me or killed someone in a rage blackout or stolen a celebrities baby and sold it's organs on the black market or worst of all…sold my comic books collection…" He babbled mindlessly, Summer sighed deeply cutting off his inane chatter quickly.

"Cohen! Shut up for like one second, I haven't cheated on anyone, I might kill you in a minute and I haven't stolen anyone's baby or sold organs and I haven't sold your comic book collection now listen! I need you to help me out…Marissa's kinda in a bit of trouble, her apartment's flooded and she has nowhere to go so I kinda might have sorta invited her to stay with us…maybe." She said weakly starting to babble like Seth…oh god he was rubbing off on her, she thought vaguely as she listened to the silence that echoed from the receiver.

"Summer…you…you invited her to stay?" Seth spluttered down the phone line hardly believing what he was hearing. He swallowed and took a shaky breath.

"I'm glad I didn't promise not to get mad, what am I supposed to tell Ryan huh? Did you even think of him? Why can't she just go and stay in a hotel? God knows she's got enough money." Seth said impatiently pacing the hallway almost wearing a hole in the floor. Summer sighed slightly and tucked her hair back behind her ears.

"Of course I thought of Ryan that's why I'm ringing, I need you to ask him about it make sure he's okay with it. The reason she doesn't want to stay in a hotel is because of all the press attention around hotels and she still has a problem about being in hotels by herself because of the whole Oliver thing…" Summer said squinting through the dim light hoping to catch sight of Marissa as she waited for Seth's reply. He frowned slightly and glanced across at Ryan who was dozing slightly in front of the TV and he sighed miserably. Would Ryan be okay with just one night? But Seth didn't want her here either, not after what she had done.

"Yeah but can't she stay at a friends or something?" He asked desperately knowing he wasn't going to win against Summer. How was Ryan going to react? It was his house afterall…

" She called her friends most of them are in London doing a new shoot that she turned down. She has nowhere Seth, please just ask Ryan…Please Seth or I wont bring you back any pudding and I'll make you watch my show…" She added warningly with a small smile knowing that Seth was caving in. Seth sighed deeply and looked across at his friend, he knew Ryan wasn't going to be happy but Ryan was more forgiving that two women…

"Fine I'll do it but just one night and she stays out of my way or I might say what I really think of her…and please don't ever make me watch your show again…" He said quietly, grinning slightly. Summer smiled satisfied with her effective manipulation, men were so easy to get around.

"Thanks sweetie, I'll bring you back some tapioca" She said smiling sweetly as Seth sighed.

"Fine then…I'll see you later, love you." He said resignedly whilst thinking how he was going to explain to Ryan…maybe he would be okay with it? This really wasn't fair…

"Love you too." She said before hanging up the phone leaving Seth with the dial tone. He set the phone down with a sigh and turned around to where Ryan was sitting now awake and staring at the TV blankly. He drew his gaze up to where Seth was standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets and shifting on the balls of his feet back and forth.

"What did Summer want?" He asked yawning and shifting in his chair. Seth drew closer and flopped down onto the soft couch next to Ryan with an exhausted sigh.

"Um…she wanted me to ask you something, something that I don't think you'll like." He started nervously trailing off as Ryan drew his attention to him, trying to read his expression.

"Just ask me Seth." He said tiredly wanting him to just get it over with so he could go to bed, he didn't care that it was only about nine he was exhausted from last night up with Ellie. Seth swallowed and looked down at his hands nervously before fixing his gaze back on Ryan deciding it would just be better to get it over and done with before he started babbling uncontrollably.

"Well there's a problem…Marissa's apartment flooded and she has nowhere to go because her boyfriend is in Paris and her friends are in London at the moment and she doesn't like hotels because of the press and that whole mess with Oliver so basically Summer wants to know if she can stay but only for the night…" He said quickly his face turning red slightly before he gulped down a large breath of air. He waited, watching Ryan carefully as he looked down at his hands and waited for an answer…or for him to say anything.

Ryan felt his heart hammering in his chest and he swallowed hard his mind buzzing. Marissa staying? Oh god that would be so awkward, he couldn't let her spend the night here could he? He couldn't turn her away though, how would that make him seem? He had the room, but could he handle her sleeping in the next room? It was awkward enough with her just being around him earlier but staying the night…He was confused enough already. He didn't know how to feel about her right now, should he still be in love with her or should he still be mad? He breathed in deeply…maybe just for one night, it couldn't be that bad could it? Oh why was everything suddenly getting so complicated again? He couldn't handle all these questions…He sighed deeply and looked up at Seth who was watching him carefully

"Just for one night?" He asked quietly his voice hoarse. Seth nodded knowing this wasn't a good idea, this was going to be a horrible weekend.

"Tell Summer it's ok…I'm going to bed." He mumbled miserably before trudging out of the room. Seth watched him leave sadly…he was worried about him. Marissa being around couldn't be good for him, bringing back memories when he had practically only just got over Emma leaving. Why did things like this always have to happen to Ryan?

Ryan collapsed onto his large double bed with a loud sigh and shut his heavy eyes letting the darkness envelop him. This was so hard for him right now…he couldn't handle all this stuff resurfacing, his feelings for Marissa, the memories, and the pain. Images raced through his mind, his and Marissa's first meeting, first kiss, New years eve, the Ferris wheel, the proposal every kiss embrace and I love you…every argument, every shouting match, the Christmas party where she had gotten drunk again, the Oliver thing, finding her in bed with that guy…telling her to leave…He blinked back the tears that burnt in the back of his eyes and drew a shaky breath, what was it about her that always made him feel like this. Why couldn't he just forget her?

_Because he loved her

* * *

_

Marissa stood in the driveway her arms wrapped around herself tightly trying to shut out the chilling breeze that played across her bare skin. She glanced at her watch again and sighed…maybe Summer wasn't coming, maybe Ryan had said no and she would just be left out here and made to stay in a hotel where she would be hounded by the press and left with her own fears. Suddenly the glare of headlights filled the dim driveway illuminating everything around her, she looked up hopefully and squinted through the bright lights to see Summer sitting behind the wheel and smiling slightly. She had come…Ryan had said yes. She picked up her bag and hurried over to the sleek black range rover and pulled open the passenger door. Summer smiled warmly at her.

"Hey Coop."

Marissa returned the smile and placed her bag at her feet. She couldn't believe she was actually going to be staying over at Ryan's…this was so surreal but secretly she was pleased to be seeing him again even though she knew nothing would ever happen between them again after what happened last time.

"Thanks so much Summer, you're a life saver."

After a few minutes in the car in which the two girls discussed fashion shoots and gossip columns in the magazines they had arrived at the huge beautiful house that was Ryan's home. They got out of the car and Marissa gazed up at the house for the second time that day in awe, she pulled her bag out and slung it over her shoulder her heart was pounding and her blood rushing in her ears as they drew closer to the house. She felt an odd sense of trepidation as they drew closer, what would she say to him? Thanks would be a start she thought vaguely, why was he actually letting her stay? If she was in his situation she wouldn't, she would never want to talk to him again. But that was why they were different, Ryan was used to always having to forgive people for letting him down and now she was just another name on the long list. She would make it up to him somehow, but once again he was the one bailing her out. The jangling of Summer's keys in the door pulled her from her thoughts and back down to reality. The large mahogany doors swung open revealing the large brightly lit marble hallway, she surveyed her surroundings whilst Summer hurried off into another room calling for Seth and Ryan. Just hearing his name again makes her heart skip a beat. She heard voices coming from the other room and started to hum softly not wanting to know what they were saying about her, especially if it was coming from Seth. She understood exactly why he was so angry at her and actually she preferred him being angry, it was much better than what Ryan was…disappointed, which hurt so much more. Seth and Summer appeared in the doorway. Seth was scowling slightly and Summer was smiling.

"Right so Coop you'll be staying in one of the guestrooms, take your pick there's about five." She said, Marissa forced a weak smile as Seth just stared at her in contempt.

"Um okay, they're at the top of the stairs right?" She asked uncertainly, Summer nodded.

"I'll be up in a minute I just need to have a word with Seth quickly."

Marissa nodded and made her way up the stairs her legs shaking as she gripped onto the banister, the large hall spread out before her the familiar doors lining each wall. Which one was Ryan's again? She didn't want to walk in there again especially as he was probably in it at the moment. The hallway was dimly lit but light spilled through an open door towards the end of the corridor, she stood there for a second staring. She could hear voices coming through and she paused to listen. It was Ryan…

"Look I promise there aren't any monsters under your bed no matter what Uncle Seth says okay?" He said softly looking down as his daughter pulled her pink duvet up to her chin her big blue eyes staring up at her dad.

"But on Monsters Inc…the monsters come out of the closet" She said pointing towards the cupboard on the other side of the room. Ryan sighed slightly and smiled brushing a blonde strand of hair from Ellie's eyes.

"They wont and if they decide to come out then…I'll chase them away okay? Now if you go to sleep then maybenext weekNana and Granddad will come visit?" He said smiling as her eyes lit up and she smiled

"Really? Will they bring me presents?...I'll go sleepy now daddy, but make sure you chase the monsters away 'kay?" She said sleepily let out a small yawn. Ryan kissed her forehead softly and stood up

"I will…goodnight."

"Night night…" She whispered sleepily her eyelids drooping shut.

He smiled and closed the door halfway and stepping out into the hallway with a yawn, he crossed to his room when something caught his eye. Standing in the hallway was Marissa Cooper, clutching a bag and blushing slightly.

"Um…Hi." She mumbled awkwardly. Ryan stood still and stared at her for a few seconds taking in her appearance, her long flowing blonde hair, her tanned smooth skin, her sparkling blue eyes…

"Hi." He managed breathlessly, she shifted on the spot looking at him the silence was deafening. Her heart was hammering painfully fast as she tried to get the words out which had now somehow become lodged in her throat.

"You want to know where you're staying…" He said answering the question she hadn't even got round to asking, she nodded weakly not trusting herself to try and speak again.

"It's that room right there." He said pointing to a room to her left, she smiled faintly

"Thanks…for letting me stay and everything, I really appreciate it." She stammered picking up her bag, he nodded and returned a half smile his heart pounding.

"S'ok…Ellie what are you doing out of bed?" He asked finally noticing his daughter tottering over to him her arms outstretched. He picked her up easily, resting her on his hip. Marissa watched in silence as the small girl buried her head into his chest sucking her thumb. So this was Ellie…she thought in stunned silence.

"I couldn't sleep…who's that." She said pointing at Marissa who smiled. Ryan looked across at Marissa quickly before looking back at Ellie.

"That's a friend of Auntie Summer…her name's Marissa." He said.

Marissa felt a stab of hurt and tried desperately to keep her face neutral not wanting to show him how disappointed she was…Summer's friend, not his…Summer's. What did she expect? She smiled weakly at Ryan blinking back tears

"Nice to meet you Ellie…It's a bit late for you to be up isn't it?" She said softly and smiling. Ellie shook her head and nuzzled closer into Ryan's chest who was still staring at Marissa.

"Yes it is…remember what I said, bed or you wont get to see Nana and Granddad okay?" He said shifting Ellie higher in his arms.

"Ok daddy, I'll try…night Mawissa…you're real pretty. Night." She said yawning, Ryan nodded to Marissa and walked back into Ellie's room leaving Marissa standing alone again. She sighed and opened her bedroom door and walked in, closing the door behind her.

* * *

Summer sat on the end of the bath tapping her feet against the tiled floor nervously, her stomach churned and she sighed deeply closing her eyes and trying to steady her shaking frame. She couldn't believe this…was she ready? She glanced at her watch and felt her heart skip a bit…time was up. Time to find out the truth…oh god this was horrible, she couldn't stand not knowing. She glanced over to the sink where the small white stick lay and got to her feet shakily. She drew nearer and picked it up, her hands trembling violently. This was it…

She looked down at the little window and felt the wind get knocked out of her…Her heart stopped and she felt sick

Positive

She was pregnant.

* * *

A/N Hope you enjoyed that, please review and tell me what you think and I will update

Next Time: Marissa and Ryan have a confrontation over the past and Summer tells Ryan her news...


	11. Trouble sleeping

A/N Thanks for the amazing reviews guys and especially you again Kari! Love your reviews! OK so here is the next part, it's packed full of angst and drama! Also, because I know a lot of you are asking, Julie's secret will come out…eventually and trust me there will be big consequences! Hehehee…anyway, here's the next part, enjoy and please review! Thanks

* * *

Marissa stared up at the vast arched ceiling above her and sighed gently. She rolled over in bed, pulling the thick duvet over her bare shoulders and shivering slightly, she couldn't sleep. Her mind was racing with a thousand different thoughts, most of them involving Ryan Atwood. She couldn't believe how different he was to the Ryan she knew all those years ago, seeing him with Ellie was just…so weird. Four years ago she could never imagine him being like that with kids, she couldn't imagine him having kids full stop. She had finally realised he had this whole new life and she wasn't a part of it anymore. She closed her eyes and blinked back the oncoming tears as she remembered how he had called her 'Summer's friend'. He may not have even meant anything by that but the moment he said it she knew how much it was going to take for him to forgive her…

She was so confused right now; she didn't know how she was feeling. She still loved Ryan, she always would and seeing him again was bringing back so many memories and emotions but she had spent four years trying to forget what had happened and suddenly he was back in her life and she was wishing she was in the next room with him, in his arms again. She sighed realising how soppy and desperate she sounded, besides she was with Jake now anyway…she was happy.

But was she? Did happy people drink all the time and dream of having a different life? Did happy people cry themselves to sleep each night and dread waking up each morning to a new day? Did happy people constantly wish they were with someone else doing something totally different? She thought about it silently, letting warm tears glide down her cheeks as she pulled the duvet around herself. She wasn't happy, she hadn't been happy since that morning four years ago. She had just been kidding herself all this time but all along she had been wishing things could go back to the way they were, back to when she WAS happy and when she didn't desperately try to forget all the sht she had been through and caused. She wanted to be with Ryan, not Jake…Ryan.

* * *

Ryan rolled over in bed fixing his eyes on the wall ahead and yawning widely, he couldn't sleep. Earlier he had been exhausted but now sleeping was impossible. He sighed heavily and glanced across at a picture of himself, Seth, Summer and Marissa smiling at the pier. He didn't know exactly why he kept these pictures because everytime he looked at them he ended up feeling terrible again and they just brought back everything bad that he had tried to forget, but they also brought back all the good times…the best times of his life that he had had in Newport with his friends and family. Having Marissa back in his life all of a sudden was messing with his mind…he didn't know how to feel or how to react. Should he be angry? Sad? Disappointed? Or happy? Every time he saw her his heart started to race and his throat seemed to seize up, he just wished that he didn't have to feel this way, that he didn't have to love her. Then he could just get over her, carry on with his life and not have to feel this uncertainty and this pain every time he saw her. He could just move on and they could be friends and there wouldn't be this awkwardness and tension between them. But at the same time, he wished he could just be with her again without all the complications. He wished he could just hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loves her, kiss her and just sit there with her talking like they used to.

He sighed and sat up, there was no point trying to sleep now...he thought vaguely looking at the clock 2:45 am. He better work from home tomorrow he thought as he swung his legs out of bed and stood up slowly, stretching and scratching the back of his head. He rubbed his eyes and shuffled out of the room not bothering to pull on a pair of trousers and heading out in his boxers and a wifebeater. He opened the door silently being careful not to disturb anyone and walked down the stairs towards the kitchen where strangely a light was left on. He drew closer becoming wary as he heard shuffling and clinking china. He rounded the corner into the brightly lit kitchen and shielded his eyes from the sudden glare. He squinted slightly trying to get used to the light and saw Marissa sitting at the breakfast bar sipping a glass of water. She looked up at him and flushed then looked down at her glass.

"Hey I uh…couldn't sleep." She mumbled smiling slightly and drawing her sapphire gaze up to his. He smiled back and suddenly felt embarrassed realising she was sitting there in just a pink silk slip and he was standing there in his boxers. He averted his eyes and felt colour rise in his face. Marissa watched him curiously and found herself looking him up and down, her eyes travelling over his toned muscular arms and torso then down to his legs. She swallowed and looked away realising what she was doing, she looked down into her lap suddenly realising she was barely dressed! He wasn't looking at her but at his feet.

"Me neither…Probably too much coffee." He said reaching into the cupboard and pulling out a glass and filling it with water. She smiled slightly and nodded…another awkward silence fell on the room again leaving them both staring at eachother for a while before averting their gazes and looking down at the floor uncomfortably. Why did things have to be like this? Marissa thought to herself.

"So, how's your work? I heard you're doing pretty well for yourself and by the looks of this place you are." She said breaking the silence and looking around the room. Ryan smiled slightly at her efforts to make conversation, why were things so awkward? Hmmm, maybe because she cheated on you, you left and didn't see her for four years and now she's staying the night and sitting in front of you half naked…he thought to himself. He suddenly realised she had asked him a question and he has simply been standing there looking vacant and staring at her like some kind of moron.

"Sorry…Work's great really, it gets kinda busy but I love it. How about you? Modelling huh?" He asked standing behind the counter and hiding his bottom half from view now extremely aware he was standing in front of her in his underwear. She smiled and looked up at him flicking her hair back and making his heart leap in the process. She decided not to tell him about how much she hated being followed by the press, being forced to stay a size zero, having to make sure she always looked perfect when all she wanted was to wear what she wanted, how she hated being dragged from shoot to shoot and having her photo taken and her face plastered all over the place. She would go with the safe option, she didn't need to burden him with her stupid problems.

" It's great, I love what I do and the pay isn't bad either!" She said with a sparkling smile. Ryan couldn't help but smile back as she looked at him…what was he doing? Standing here in boxers and practically slobbering over his ex-girlfriend. He cleared his throat and straightened up, she looked away uncomfortably and wrapped her arms around herself realising that the reason she was so cold was because she was barely dressed! This was awkward…

"Ryan I…why are things so…why are things like this between us?" She asked suddenly staring into his eyes as he looked down at the floor. She instantly regretted bringing it up as he drew his gaze up to hers his eyes shining and his expression unclear. He regarded her for a few seconds before sighing.

"Why do you think?" He mumbled darkly hoping she wouldn't hear but judging by the expression on her face she had. Why did she have to bring this up? Sure things were awkward before but they weren't arguing…He really didn't want to talk about this right now. She looked at him her eyes sparkling and her heart hammering, what did she expect? She knew she shouldn't have asked. But she had to get it out…she couldn't just walk away without saying what she had to say, she couldn't leave things like this.

"Ryan I'm so sorry about what happened…I just want us to be like we used to, when we used to be able to talk about everything. I know what did was terrible but you don't understand how sorry I am, I haven't been able to stop thinking about since…I just need you to know that I never meant for it to happen and that I…It was a mistake." She said her voice shaking uncontrollably and tears starting her eyes…why had she started this conversation? Why couldn't she had of just let it lie. He looked up at her his eyes still shining but wearing a pained expression. There was a long silence in which he just stared at her before he swallowed hard, his heart hammering and his ears pounding. He couldn't do this…he couldn't listen to this right now.

"Look Marissa, it's over, in the past. I don't need your explanations now okay? I just want to forget everything ever happened, I don't want to talk about it ok? It's finished." He said his voice wavering slightly. She stood up shakily her hands trembling and tears welling in her eyes.

"I know but…please Ry…what do I have to do for you to forgive me? For things to be okay between us? I missed you Ryan and I felt so guilty this whole time and I just want you to understand for you to…"

Ryan cut her off impatiently his hands now shaking as he gripped his glass.

"That's nothing compared to how I felt!...I don't know if things will be okay again marissa…it's too hard. Look just leave it ok, I can't be friends with you after what happened okay? Apologies and explanations wont change what happened…" He stammered his voice shaking and cracking slightly. Marissa let tears glide freely down her face as she watched the pain build in his eyes. She had hurt him so badly…and now she was just twisting the knife.

"I…I'm sorry Ryan, I just hate you hating me."

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes pushing back the burning tears and trying to steady his shaking hands. His mind was racing as he opened his eyes again and looked at her desperate pleading expression.

"I don't hate you…" He whispered

"I could never hate you. I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone but this won't change what happened. What's done is done and nothing can change that…maybe one day I'll get over you but I can't right now. I can't deal with this and I just wish that I don't love you because it hurts too much…" He tailed off his voice cracking and his eyes glimmering with tears. He set his glass shakily down on the counter and breathed in deeply his heart pounding as he looked away from her desperately fighting back the tears…crying was weak.

Marissa let his words sink in and felt the tears flow faster down her face, she was shaking violently and the lump in her throat was pressing painfully. He loved her…but he wished he didn't. Was she really that terrible? Did she really hurt people that much?...Why was she here? She shouldn't be doing this to him.

"I…I'm sorry I…this isn't fair on you. I shouldn't have I…Just for the record, I wish I could take it all back and…If I were you I'd hate me too…Don't love me, I'll just end up hurting you again. I'll be gone by tomorrow morning." She whispered before turning and walking slowly out of the room the tears not letting up and her broken heart hammering in her ears. She felt a strong hand grip her arm and she turned around slowly to find Ryan holding her arms and his blazing eyes locked with hers, both their hearts pounding and their eyes shining.

"I told you, I don't hate you…" He whispered. Marissa found herself drawing closer, bridging the gap between their lips. Her heartbeat and the rush of blood in her ears was deafening as she drew slowly closer, she closed her eyes against the warm salty tears and felt her lips lock with his. Her tongue slipped across his passionately and she felt that familiar numb tingle wash over her, she was back where she was supposed to be. In his arms.

Ryan felt her lips press against his and before he new it they were kissing passionately…what was he doing? He couldn't do this…It felt so good and so right, but he couldn't He just couldn't. He drew away quickly and felt the colour rush into his face as she stood in front of him tears rushing to her eyes

"I'm sorry…I can't, I just can't do this." He whispered in a slightly strangled voice. He took one last look into her angst filled eyes before rushing out of the room his mind racing and tears stinging in his eyes once more…

Marissa stood alone in the kitchen…what had she done? What an idiot! Why had she done that? Tears burnt tracks down her blotchy cheeks as she swayed slightly her whole frail frame shaking uncontrollably before she let out a choking sob. She ran a delicate hand through her hair in frustration and let out a desperate sigh. Kissing him had bought everything back again…she just wished she was with him instead of standing alone embarrassed and ashamed…

Another sob escaped her lips and she sat down at the breakfast bar resting her head in her hands and sobbing uncontrollably, her whole chest heaving with each racking cry. She wanted him to love her and she wanted to make it up to him…she wanted him.

* * *

Summer watched as Seth slept soundly, his chest rising and falling steadily and occasionally a soft murmur escaped his lips and he turned over. She cursed him silently for being able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat, she on the other hand…it took her hours to fall asleep and every night she would watch him drift off to sleep and she would be left lying in the dark alone with her own thoughts and Seth's soft snores and midnight ramblings. She could hear soft sobs leaking through the walls from next door, she had caught snippets from Ryan and Marissa's argument…she wasn't sure if they'd ever get it together after all that had happened. Even if they were meant for each other could they really get past everything that they had been through? Could anyone move on from that? She sighed and shifted slightly, she hoped they did…they were such an amazing couple and if they couldn't make it what hope did anyone else have?

Instinctively Summer found herself resting her hand on her stomach, she looked down and felt tears burn in her eyes as she thought of the tiny life that was growing inside of her right now…A whole new little person. She shut her eyes and drew a shaky breath trying to steady her trembling body and blink back the oncoming tears. She didn't know if she could handle this again, after last time she didn't think she would ever want to get pregnant again…She couldn't handle the loss, the disappointment. Tears streaked slowly down her face and she wiped them away quickly a small sob escaping her lips. She traced her fingers gently across the scar that ran across her stomach and felt tears flow faster down her cheeks and drip softly down onto her chest. Her hands trembling, she reached across to the nightstand and pulled open the drawer silently, she ruffled through the papers and wiped her eyes quickly. She swallowed trying to dissolve the painful lump in her throat as she found what she was looking for. She stared down at the small picture and felt fresh tears well in her shining chocolate brown eyes. She let out another choking sob and felt her chest wrack with each silent, shaking cry she felt inside of her. She traced her thumb gently across the scan and smiled tearfully down at the small shape of the baby in front of her. She closed her eyes against the rapid warm tears that stung in her eyes and gripped the duvet tightly in her fists trying to steady herself and quell the desperate sobs that fought to escape from her…He was gone, it was over…now she had a new chance, but what if it went wrong again? What if she lost another child…

She got to her feet tremulously and hurried out of the room before she let out another loud sob and woke up Seth. She hurried blindly along the dark hallway the tears rushing from her eyes when she ran straight into something large and solid. She stumbled backwards a few steps her breath catching in her throat before squinting through the darkness, now able to make out a familiar figure.

"Summer? Are you okay?" Ryan's familiar deep voice asked, concerned. He squinted at her through the dark and she could see tears settling on her face as they shone in the silvery moonlight that spilled through the curtains. She shook her head causing more teardrops to fall from her shining eyes. She started to sob again desperately her whole body shaking with each gasp and cry that escaped her lips. Ryan pulled her closer to him and hugged her tightly, wrapping his strong arms around her as she sobbed onto his chest, burying her head deep into his embrace.

"Ssssh…c'mon, tell me what's up." He whispered soothingly pulling away and tilting her face up with his finger so she was facing him. Her large brown eyes shone with pain and uncertainty as she stared into his blazing blue ones, she felt her hammering heart slow slightly and the tears and sniffles were subdued slightly as he rubbed her back softly. She nodded not trusting herself to speak and he led her slowly into one of the spare rooms. He opened the door and felt a rush of cool air hit him in the face as they stepped into the unused empty room. A single bed sat in the centre of the room and Summer followed him over where he sat down and she sat next to him. She wiped her eyes on the back of her hands and sniffed slightly breathing in deeply trying to calm herself down…She knew she could tell Ryan, she could trust him and he would calm her down and give her advice, afterall this wasn't the first time. Back in Newport they had been 'friends' but they had never been that close, they would only really talk when they met up with Seth and Marissa in tow and even then it wasn't deep meaningful conversation it was just friendly banter. But since Marissa left and all this trouble and drama started happening Ryan didn't have someone he could talk to anymore, sure he had Seth and they would tell eachother everything but it wasn't the same as having a girl's perspective on things. Seth wasn't the most sensitive of people and certainly wasn't the best person to go to for advice and somehow he could bring every conversation back to himself so Ryan had turned to her…They had long conversations about each other's thoughts and feelings and finally they both had an outlet and someone who they could go to for advice and just to talk about stuff they couldn't really talk about with other people. Ryan and Summer had become good friends, best friends even but neither was the same as Seth or Marissa. Summer knew she could tell Ryan and she knew he would help her…she had done the same for him.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong or are we gonna sit here in silence for the rest of the night enjoying the minimalist décor?" He asked watching her. She jumped slightly suddenly aware that she had been sitting there for a good two minutes just staring at the wall, lost in her own thoughts. She flushed slightly and looked up at Ryan finding her eyes welling up again.

"It's…I just…I…I'm pregnant." She said bluntly watching Ryan's expression change from concern to astonished. A small smile curled up on the corner of her lips as she watched his face but hearing herself say the words made it all sound so real…it was real. She swallowed with great difficulty as the painful lump rose again in her throat and her eyes stung with suppressed sorrow.

"Right…" Ryan said eventually not knowing really what to say. He remembered what had happened last time with Summer's pregnancy and felt a stab of sympathy, he knew exactly why she was upset now but he figured it would be better to let her tell him so she could get it off her chest…

"I guess…I'm just so scared Ry…What if it goes wrong like last time and I, I…lose the baby again? I don't know if I'll be able to deal with it. " She stammered as she started to sob softly again, Ryan hugged her tightly feeling her salty tear drops dripped onto his shoulder soaking through his wifebeater.

"I know…I know…Have you told Seth?" He asked softly as she pulled away from him her eyes glimmering in the pale moonlight as her skin was bathed in it causing her to look pale and ashen.

"No…I only found out tonight. I think I'll tell him tomorrow he's got the day off…What if he doesn't want a kid?" She thought aloud, the idea suddenly dawning on her causing a look of horror to pass over her face. Ryan looked into her eyes arranging his face into what he hoped was a re-assuring expression but was sure had probably come out as more a grimace.

"It's Seth we're talking about here, he loves kids and you know he's dying for you to start trying again. He'll be so happy when you tell him trust me, he'll be there for you the whole way and when you tell him you'll feel so much better. I know him Summer, he'll be a great dad. You can see that from what he's like with Ellie…excluding the letting her watch the exorcist and telling her ghost stories but he just does that because he thinks it's fun to keep me up all night. I wouldn't worry…" He added seeing the slightly worried expression on Summer's face.

"You know he wouldn't dare do it you…with the whole Rage Blackouts thing." He said with a slight smile. Summer smiled back feeling a lot better. Maybe Ryan was right…Seth had always been there for her before why would he suddenly change now. She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and kissed Ryan on both cheeks.

"You're right…thanks Ryan. I'll tell him tomorrow…and maybe if we go to the doctor's he'll say it'll be alright this time. I'll see you tomorrow morning." She said smiling warmly, her face still streaked with wet tear traces. Ryan smiled back

"No problem…I'll see you tomorrow, I think I'll be working from home with the night I've had." He said stifling a huge yawn. Summer headed towards the door, as her hand rested on the handle she turned around to face Ryan who was still sat on the bed.

"Oh and By the way Ryan…Try and go easy on Marissa, she really is sorry and I think she's suffered enough." She said softly. Ryan looked up his heart hammering…she had heard the argument. He knew she was right but it was just so hard to act like everything was normal with her and just pretend to be best friends as much as he wanted to. He nodded weakly trying to figure out how to make it up to Marissa for how harsh he had been…he should go easy on her, it had been four years.

"I know…thanks Sum." He said as she left the room silently.

* * *

Seth bounded into the kitchen happily to find Summer sitting at the table pulling the crusts off a piece of toast and nibbling on it as she read the latest edition of Vogue. He leant over her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek, smiling cheerfully.

"Morning gorgeous!" He said picking up the coffee pot and reaching into the cupboard for his favourite 'drink me' mug. Even though Summer's stomach was churning with nerves and anticipation she couldn't help but smile.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" She asked chewing on her toast and smiling as she watched him take a large gulp of his coffee and walk over. He slid into a chair next to her and pulled a piece of toast from her hand and popped it into his mouth.

"A little thing called…The day the office is getting remodelled meaning No work for Seth Cohen!" He said leaning back in his chair. Summer watched Ryan walk past the kitchen door and he winked at her and smiled, she smiled weakly back and turned to Seth. Her heart was hammering and her stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots. At least he was in a good mood…remember what Ryan had said…He would be happy.

"Seth…I…I need to tell you something." She stammered her voice hoarse and wavering. Seth turned to face her his smile fading slightly, noting the seriousness of her tone.

"Um…sure go ahead. What is it?" He asked watching her as she looked down at her hands and then back up at him her chin trembling slightly as she fought back tears, now he was worried. What was wrong? He thought as she swallowed hard and drew her gaze up to his.

"I…I'm pregnant." She said her voice steady as she looked up at him determinedly watching as his smile faded slightly. He blinked a few times before clearing his throat and looking straight into her eyes his expression unclear. Summer gripped the table hard to stop her hands from shaking, she couldn't tell what he was thinking…he wasn't angry or upset…but he wasn't exactly jumping for joy either. Oh god…should she have told him?

Seth let the words sink in slowly struggling to believe what she was telling him. Pregnant. He watched her blink back tears and felt his heart ache and a smile curl up at the corner of his lips. She looked down at her hands and felt someone tilting her face up to theirs just as Ryan had done last night. She found herself looking into Seth's smiling eyes and felt her heart melt. He grinned at her before pulling her into a tight hug and wrapping his arms around her, she curled hers around his neck and buried her head into his shoulder and breathing in the smell of his cologne. She started to cry softly.

" What are you crying for eh? Aren't you happy because I am!" He said grinning, she drew away her eyes shining as she smiled in disbelief

"W…what?" She stammered as he grinned and held her hands gently.

"I said I'm happy! We get another chance…to make it perfect this time, to start a family."

Summer felt glorious relief and happiness rush over her and she started to beam before sinking into a deep passionate kiss, she threw her arms around Seth and he almost toppled backwards of his chair. He slipped his arms around her waist and the kiss deepened before they pulled away for air both smiling.

"I love you Cohen." She whispered breathlessly.

"I Love you too…and you Cohen jnr." He said patting Summer's stomach gently, she giggled slightly

"By the way…you're so not choosing the names, I heard your suggestions for what you wanted to call Ellie when Emma was pregnant." She said wiping her eyes and lacing her finger's through Seth's. He gasped indignantly

"And what is wrong with Thor? Or Daffodil?"

Summer laughed softly and rested her head on his shoulder with a sigh.

"I can't believe we're really doing this." She said squeezing Seth's hand softly and smiling faintly. Seth sighed and stroked her hand with his thumb and nodded.

"I know…our sex life is SO over."

* * *

A/N Hoped you liked it! Remember to press that little review button!

Next Time: Ryan apologises to Marissa and Seth and Summer go to the clinic to confirm their pregnancy..


	12. Friends, I can do that

A/N Again thanks for the great reviews! One thing I pride myself on is my quick updates and here is another one! Kari…don't jump out of your chair! Lol So, Sandy and Kirsten come to New York! How will Kirsten react to Marissa being there? You'll have to find out…please review, it's like oxygen to me! Help me to breathe! Lol I'm so weird…so enjoy and review!

* * *

Ryan shuffled along the hallway, his hands buried deep in his pockets and his mind buzzing with a thousand different thoughts. He sighed deeply as he stopped outside Marissa's door and looked down at the brass knob with trepidation. How was he going to do this? He had to apologise but he couldn't think of the words. He had never been the most articulate of people at the best of times but how was he supposed to apologise to her without everything becoming horribly awkward again. He had to do this before Ellie woke up otherwise she'd keep running in to show him her drawings and making things more complicated. For once she was actually staying in bed past 7. He stretched out his hand so it was now hovering uncertainly over the handle not sure whether to turn it or not…his other hand was balled into a fist ready to knock on the door. Why was this so hard?

'Come on Atwood, pull yourself together. It's not that hard, she's just Marissa…' He thought to himself but that was the problem…It was Marissa the one person who managed to make him feel most nervous, most insecure but at the same time gave him all the confidence in the world. He sighed, shook his head and knocked gently on the door.

Marissa jumped and almost dropped her hairbrush as she heard a soft knock on her door. Her heart started hammering faster as she heard Ryan's low voice from behind the door.

"Um…Marissa it's Ryan, can I come in?" He muttered nervously trying to keep his voice steady. Why was he doing this? He thought desperately as he struggled to formulate an acceptable, non-awkward apology. Who was he kidding? Non-awkward, that would never happen. Marissa tried to speak but couldn't find her voice as she looked up at the door her hands shaking as she set down her brush on the nightstand. What did he want? Was he going to kick her out? Was he going to ask about last night? She cleared her throat realising she had been silent for almost a whole minute.

"Um, yeah one second." She said her voice above it's normal pitch and sounding oddly squeaky. She swallowed and quickly smoothed the bed covers and checked her hair before walking shakily towards the door and pulling it open quickly applying a large dazzling smile. He stood in front of her his hands back in his pockets, his deep blue eyes cast downward as he shifted on the spot nervously. He drew his gaze up to her sparkling sapphire irises and felt his racing heart skip a beat…this was going to be hard.

Marissa surveyed him apprehensively as he looked into her eyes looking awkward and nervous. He cleared his throat looking her up and down totally breathless by her stunning yet casual appearance.

"I um…I…I guess I just…I…" He struggled, stammering and stuttering as he tried to get the words out. She couldn't help but smile as he fought to get out what he was trying to stay, he was so cute when he was nervous. 'Stop it…you're with Jake' She told herself defiantly but it was no use as she got lost in his eyes again, the eyes that had burned with hurt and anger last night…He was definitely going to ask her to leave, why had she been such an idiot last night? Why couldn't she have just let things be, then he wouldn't be mad with her and there wouldn't be this awkwardness…well there would always be awkwardness.

Ryan swallowed and looked back into her eyes taking a deep breath and taking a mental note to kick himself later for being such a retard…Better just get it over and done with, come right out with it.

" I just want to apologise for last night…you know for being a complete…a. I shouldn't have gone off at you like that, I guess it's…it's just been hard seeing you again because it just…reminds me…it reminds me of everything I don't have." He said quietly, looking down at his shoes and shifting from foot to foot. Marissa felt tears spark in her eyes and pushed them back, a smile crept across her face and as Ryan looked slowly up into her eyes he caught her breathtaking smile and felt a small half-smile curl up at the corner of his lips. He wasn't mad at her? He felt guilty…He missed her, he missed her! Oh god, what should she say? What should she say?

Ryan felt colour rise in his face as she smiled at him…his heart was thumping in his chest and his legs felt like jelly. He was such a prat…god that sounded stupid. She was probably going to laugh.

"Um Thanks…but I think I should be the one apologising, I shouldn't have bought it up in the first place. I shouldn't have…you know…either. It was stupid and I want to stay, you know, friends?" She offered embarrassedly, Ryan looked up and smiled.

"Friends." He said grinning, she smiled back…Friends was better than nothing, she thought faintly, lost in his eyes.

Friends…he could do that.

* * *

Summer sat in the bleak looking waiting room flicking through an out of date magazine distractedly. Seth tapped his foot against the floor rapidly whilst tapping the sides of the chair with his finger tips in rhythm. Summer glanced over at him and sighed, she reached over and took his hand in hers and he stopped and looked around. She smiled slightly setting the magazine down in her lap and looking into his tired brown eyes.

"It'll be okay…he's just gonna tell us our chances. It'll be fine, I'm supposed to be nervous not you." She said with a smile. Seth nodded and sighed

"I know it's just…I can't stop thinking about last time what if…what if it happens again? I don't think I…we could handle it." He said his voice wavering slightly but his eyes fixed determinedly on Summer's. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Don't think like that, we got to stay positive ok? Anyway, any more what ifs and I'll go rage blackout on your hiney." She said warningly, Seth raised an eyebrow and gave her a questioning look

"Hiney? What happened to all the variation ofasses that you call me at least 20 times a day?" He asked curiously running through all of Summer's favourite insults in his head 99 of them involving the word ass

"I thought we should stop using words like that so the baby doesn't grow up using those kind of words…they can be influenced now you know." She said knowingly, Seth snorted slightly and Summer shot him a glare.

"Oh so I swear now... and the baby's first word will be ass or shit?" He said laughing slightly. He leant over close to Summer's stomach

" Hey there little guy, you're mom's a psycho…you hear that?" He whispered. Summer slapped Seth round the head with the magazine fighting back a laugh. The door opened and the doctor stood in the doorway glancing around the waiting room.

"Summer Roberts?" He asked looking around. Summer dropped the magazine and stood up followed by Seth who was smothering a grin. Summer linked hands with Seth and walked towards the office.

* * *

Marissa watched as Ellie played with her dolls chatting contentedly to herself and laughing and smiling. She watched with a faint smile on her face remembering all her dolls she had in her room back in Newport. The ring of her cell phone made her jump slightly and she reached into her pocket and pulled out her sleek silver phone and flicked it open…Jake cell. She sighed and reluctantly accepted the call.

"Hello?" She said in an overly bright tone, she could hear voices in the background.

"Hey Sweetie, just calling to check up on you! How're you doing?" He asked taking a sip of his orange juice and smiling across at the beautiful brunette who was sat in front of him wearing only a skimpy silk robe. Marissa paused debating whether or not to tell him where she was staying, not telling him was definitely the better option. She didn't want to go into the plumbing bill, his stuff, where she was staying.

"I'm good thanks, missing you. How are things going over in Paris?" She asked keeping an eye on Ellie as she continued playing with her Barbie and a teddy bear.

"Great thanks…the view from my apartment is great." He said smiling seductively at the barely dressed woman in front of him who was slowly unwrapping her robe.

"Well sweetie I'm sorry but I have to go, filming you know…love you." He said hurriedly as he moved closer towards the woman in front of him. Marissa almost let out a sigh of relief.

"Yeah bye…love you."

She hung up and smiled across at Ellie.

"Who was that?" She asked pointing to Marissa's cell.

"Oh…just a friend, so tell me about your teddy…what's his name?" She asked kneeling down next to her.

"His name is Mr Bigglesworth…Uncle Seth gave him to me." She said with her thumb in her mouth, Marissa smiled knowing that was a typical Seth name. Ryan paused in the doorway as he watched Marissa talk to his daughter and hand her the toys…this was how he had always wanted things to be. Him, Marissa and their kids…funny how things never turned out how you wanted. He smiled as he watched them play. It was weird how he actually wished she was staying longer when yesterday was adamant she would only be staying the night…

* * *

"So by the looks of this scan the baby is very healthy…of course due to your miscarriage with your previous pregnancy we will have to have more check-ups and appointments to make sure that the baby remains healthy." The doctor finished handing Summer the scan, tears started in her eyes and she felt Seth's hand hold hers tightly. She smiled across at Seth happily…maybe things would be okay. They'd have a child and have a real family, their own child.

"Thanks doctor."

Seth felt like the world had been lifted from his shoulders, things would be ok…they were having a baby. He returned Summer's smile and squeezed her hand.

They were having a baby…a mini Cohen. He thought proudly. He couldn't wait to tell Ryan and Mom and Dad.

* * *

Marissa jumped as her phone vibrated in her pocket, she dug her hands into her jeans and pulled out her cell and flicked it open.

"Hello?" She said keeping one eye on Ellie as she tottered across the room towards her toy box.

"Miss Cooper? Chris Kallend here, the plumber?" He said his voice rough and gravely. Marissa sighed remembering the slightly over-weight pervy man who had leered at her the whole time he had been trying to fix her plumbing system.

"Yes, is the apartment sorted?" She asked tiredly running a hand through her golden hair. As much as she loved being around Ryan again, no matter how awkward it was, she didn't want to impose on him any longer. She heard Chris sigh and knew it wasn't going to be good news…

"Well, the pipes have done a lot of damage, we managed to salvage most of your stuff but the whole system is going to have to be re-done. It's gonna take a good two months, maybe longer." He said. Marissa closed her eyes and sat down…great, just great. She couldn't stay at Ryan's for two months! Staying in a hotel for two months would be a disaster and she didn't really have anywhere else to stay…she could rent a place but what about the furniture? She couldn't by a whole new set of furniture just for two months…This was a complete disaster.

"Great thanks! What am I supposed to do huh?" She said angrily fighting back tears of frustration.

"I don't know I'm sorry…We'll try and get it done as soon as possible."

"Yeah thanks for nothing." She said flicking her phone shut hastily and sighing deeply. She closed her eyes and let a single warm tear streak slowly down her cheek. Why did Jake have to be away? She felt something tug on her skirt and she opened her eyes to find Ellie looking up at her with those big blue eyes…Ryan's eyes. She smiled slightly.

"Why you cwy?" She asked softly, Marissa smiled and wiped her eyes.

"Because my house is broken." She said tightening the hair band around her small blonde pig tails.

"Your house is broken huh?" A deep voice said from the doorway. Marissa looked up and smiled and felt the colour rise in her face. Ellie ran unsteadily over to Ryan and attached herself to his leg.

"Yeah, the plumber just called…it's gonna take two months to repair the damage!" She said watching with a small smile as Ryan picked Ellie up and walked over sitting down on the couch next to her.

"Two months huh?" He said hiding a smile. He looked across at her as she nodded and wiped her eyes with a delicate hand. He looked into her shining sapphire eyes and felt his heart beat a little faster. She's so beautiful, he thought breathlessly. He could…could he? Would that be too forward? Or…but she didn't have anywhere else to go. Would she say yes?

"So…you can't really stay at a hotel for two months without having to move around and there wouldn't really be enough room for your stuff…you need a real house, a house with a few extra rooms just for all your shoes." He said with a smile, she laughed slightly and shook her head.

"Yeah thanks for the info but where am I going to find a place like that?" She said oblivious to her surroundings, Ryan sighed slightly.

"I really don't know!" He said sarcastically, she looked across at him watching his face as a large grin spread across his face, she felt her heart melt as she looked into his smiling eyes. Was he really asking? Did he mean…did he want her to stay here?...He couldn't, why would he want her here for two months? She raised an eyebrow watching him curiously as he bounced Ellie on his knee grinning to himself. He fell silent and looked up at her, his grin replaced by a serious look.

" Stay here…It's free and I need a hand with Ellie when I'm at work and when Summer doesn't have afternoons off and…I'd like the company." He said flushing slightly. Marissa felt a grin work it's way slowly across her face and she felt her heart swell happily. He really wanted her stay. He was so cute when he was embarrassed! She thought as he flushed red and looked down at Ellie.

"But um…If you don't want to that's fine, I could find you a hotel or something it's just I…I thought it would make sense and it's been nice seeing you again really…But if you don't want to I understand if it's too um, weird for you or.." He stammered nervously, he was cut off by Marissa pressing a finger to his lips. He looked down at it before drawing his gaze up to her smiling one his heart pounding as she drew her finger away.

"Shutup…I'd love to stay here. Thanks so much!" She said leaning in and throwing her arms around Ryan who almost dropped Ellie in surprise. His heart pounded faster as he felt her body pressed close up to his, he could smell her sweet perfume and the fruity smell of her shiny hair. He had missed being so close to her…oh god stop thinking like this Atwood she doesn't want you, she's with some millionaire famous actor…But then why did she kiss me?...He shook himself out of it realising they were still hugging and crushing Ellie slightly. They pulled away embarrassedly and Ryan cleared his throat.

"It's um…no problem." He said nervously both looking at each other awkwardly. Marissa felt goose bumps on her arms and rubbed them away instinctively, every time she even brushed past him she felt that familiar tingle that rushed down her spine and danced across her skin…stop it, she thought to herself…he doesn't feel the same way, he's just asking you to stay over because he wants to be friends…nothing more…friends.

Another familiar awkward silence fell upon the room and hung thickly in the air as they both stole glances at each other before looking away embarrassedly. The silence was broken by the doorbell ringing and Ellie letting out a shriek and almost leaping off Ryan's lap, Ryan grinned and pulled her up and carried her over to the door leaving Marissa sitting on the couch smiling nervously. This was going to be awkward…how would Sandy and Kirsten react to her being here, she had an inkling how Kirsten would react…It wasn't going to be a fun weekend that's for sure.

* * *

Seth heard the doorbell ring and looked across at Summer nervously his stomach churning.

"They're here." He said watching as Summer sighed and composed herself. She smiled and took Seth's hand.

"Look everything's going to be fine, they're gonna be thrilled trust me…look how pleased they were when Ellie was born! Trust me Seth…" She said standing up and smoothing down her skirt. Seth smiled and nodded before looking her up and down.

"Is it wrong for me to find a pregnant woman so incredibly sexy…?"He asked standing up and slipping his arms around her waist. She grinned and tilted her face up to his.

"Not when it's me." She said huskily before leaning in and kissing him softly.

* * *

With Ellie in one arm and the doorhandle in the other Ryan pulled open the front door to reveal Sandy and Kirsten standing on the doorstep clutching a few bags and smiling.

"Hey Ryan sweetie." Kirsten said happily, leaning in and hugging Ryan before smiling at Ellie.

"Hello Ellie! Nana missed you." She said leaning and pressing on her nose gently causing Ellie to giggle and squirm in Ryan's arms. He grinned and handed Ellie over to Kirsten before hugging Sandy.

"It's been too long son…where's Seth?" He asked releasing Ryan and looking around. Ryan stood aside letting them in and looked around.

"Um…good question." He said absent-mindedly. Sandy struggled through the door with the bags whilst Kirsten walked right in, bouncing Ellie on her hip and smiling.

"How much stuff did you guys bring?" He asked incredulously looking at the two suitcases and two holdalls that Sandy was struggling under.

"Oh well you know Kirsten…'Always be prepared for all weather'." He mimicked whilst trying to lift the larger suitcase, Ryan grinned and picked it up for Sandy easily and slung it over his shoulder.

"Just dump them in the hall I'll sort them out later."

"Hey Dad!" Seth's voice carried through the hall from the stairs as he bounded down them happily with Summer following shortly after. Sandy dropped the bags and grinned pulling Seth into a hug

"Hey Seth, how are you?...Hey Summer you're looking fabulous as always." Sandy said with a grin, Summer smiled kissed him on both cheeks.

"Thanks Sandy how are you?" She asked brightly. Sandy smiled.

"I'm great thanks, how's the show going?" He asked as he dropped the remaining bags in a pile with the others.

"Oh it's great thanks." She said. Ryan walked over with a beer for Sandy and a glass of wine for Kirsten who took it with her spare hand.

"Thanks Ryan…oh I miss beer, Kirsten won't buy it for me and my secret stash has run out." Sandy said taking a long swig and sighing. They walked towards the kitchen as Summer and Seth exchanged nervous glances knowing Marissa was sitting in there…Kirsten stepped through the threshold still bouncing Ellie and sipping her wine when she stopped still…Marissa looked up and her heart froze as Kirsten stood there staring at her in surprise. Her look of surprise and confusion soon gave way to a glare. Ryan cleared his throat breaking the awkward silence and stood next to Marissa.

"What is SHE doing here?" Kirsten spat angrily looking at Marissa with disdain. Marissa swallowed, her heart hammering. She knew this was a bad idea…maybe she should just go.

"Um…she's staying here." Ryan said looking up at Kirsten and Sandy, Sandy was just standing there looking confused whilst Kirsten continued glaring at Marissa. Kirsten broke her gaze and looked towards Ryan in confusion. She didn't understand, why was she here? Why was he letting her stay here? After everything she had done she was sitting in his kitchen and he had let her in here…staying? Why was she staying? Were they together again? But wasn't she going out with that actor person…? All these questions raced around her mind as another long uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"So…champagne anyone?" Seth offered nervously

* * *

A/N Please review and tell me what you think!

Next Time: Kirsten tells Marissa exactly what she thinks of her being here and the press start rumours about Ryan and Marissa


	13. Boiling points and paparazzi

A/N Thanks for the amazing reviews again guys! I really appreciate them! I took your comments on board and I hope you like this part! The drama really starts and you'll all be getting what you want in the next few parts! The truth comes out! duh duh duh...so please review and tell me what you think!

* * *

Sandy opened the last polystyrene container and emptied it onto a dish with a smile. Kirsten pushed her food around her plate occasionally stealing glances at Ryan and then to Marissa. She just couldn't understand why he was letting her stay here? If she had been Ryan she wouldn't ever want to talk to Marissa again let alone invite her to stay in her house! Then again that's where she differed from Ryan, he had gotten used to being let down and having to forgive people over and over again for how much they had hurt him. She wasn't going to let Marissa hurt him again, not like Dawn had. She was going to stop this happening to make u for all the times in the past when she hadn't been able to, she wasn't going to let her destroy his life again.

Ryan wiped Ellie's mouth with a tissue smiling slightly as she giggled and looked down at the sauce she had gotten all over her face. He pulled her bowl closer to her and stole a quick glance at Kirsten and met her icy gaze, he could tell she wasn't coping well with Marissa being at the same table. He understood, she knew how much Marissa had hurt him and what had happened so she was bound to be confused as to why she was sitting at the table and staying with him. He had always known since the moment he met Kirsten that she was fiercely protective of her family which is probably why she was sending death glares across the table to Marissa but she didn't understand what things were like between the two of them and how much he missed her even after what had happened, he couldn't just shut her out completely. Hopefully Kirsten would just deal with it and not explode at Marissa or anything…hopefully Seth and Summer would make their announcement soon enough so they would forget about the Marissa situation.

"So how's work going son?" Sandy asked quickly noticing Kirsten glaring across at Marissa and wanting to pull the attention away from her. Seth looked up with a mouth full of rice and swallowed quickly.

"Great really, it's getting a bit hectic at the moment what with the first issue of The A.C coming out. But you and mom are invited to the launch party if you're interested." Seth said taking another mouthful of food, Summer rolled her eyes and muttered something that sounded like pig. Ryan looked across to Marissa and smiled at her noting how miserable she looked, mind you he would be to if she was on the receiving end of Kirsten's death glares…they were scary.

"Free meal? I'm there." Sandy said happily. Kirsten looked up and smiled slightly

"Yeah it sounds great honey, are you going into the office tomorrow Ryan?" She asked looking across at Ryan as he picked up the rice Ellie had just dropped on the floor, he looked up and nodded.

"Yeah, you can come and check the accounts out if you want? I need some help with all my paperwork." He offered hoping she would do some of his forms for him. Kirsten smiled.

"No thank you, I know that trick. You'll get me to do all of you filing, I'm here for a vacation." She said knowingly

"It was worth a try…oh Ellie!" He said grinning slightly as he looked at his daughter who was absolutely covered in rice and noodles. Seth laughed.

"Now Ellie…you might think Uncle Seth never gives you any advice but heed my words…When you eat food, you're supposed to put it IN your mouth not all over you face." Seth said. Ryan grinned and picked Ellie up out of her high chair.

"I'll just get her cleared up." He said walking out of the room muttering to her softly. Marissa smiled slightly as she watched him leave, he was so good with her. She would never have imagined to be so great with kids when she was with him…people surprise you though. She sighed and stared down at her plate purposefully avoiding Kirsten's eyes, she could almost feel hate gamma rays burning into her. She knew this was bad idea, why had she even thought that Kirsten would be okay with her being here? She had ruined her son's life. If she was in her position she wouldn't exactly welcome her with open arms. This was going to be one long evening and now with Ryan off sorting out Ellie she was left alone with the hate rays directed at her, at least Sandy wasn't glaring at her…he was just avoiding her eyes totally.

"So how's the talk show going Summer?" Kirsten asked looking up from her plate. Summer looked up and smiled

"Oh great really, we have um…Jennifer Aniston and Matt Dayton on next week." Summer said thinking to herself. Marissa looked up

"Matt Dayton? He's a friend of Jake's…I didn't think he'd be doing interviews so soon after getting out of rehab." She said looking across at Summer. Summer shrugged. Kirsten looked up and across at Marissa catching her eye.

"Isn't Jake your boyfriend?" She asked coldly, Marissa swallowed and nodded

"Yeah, we've um… been going out for a year now." She stammered nervously looking back down at her plate and taking a sip of wine. Kirsten nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear before sighing.

"I feel sorry for him." She mumbled under her breath just loud enough for everyone to hear. Marissa swallowed and pushed her chair back as Sandy rested a hand on Kirsten's arm

"Honey don't…" He started but Kirsten glared at him before turning her icy gaze back up to Marissa who was trying to compose herself and leave the table, Summer and Seth looked at each other worriedly.

"No Sandy, it's true. I do feel sorry for him, because somewhere down the line she's just going to get drunk and jump into bed with someone else but only this time it will be plastered all over the newspapers and I can't wait." She spat angrily, Marissa forced back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes and steadied her shaking hand as she stood up from her chair.

"Leaving so soon? Why are you here Marissa? What makes you think you can just waltz back into Ryan's life after everything you did to him? After how much you hurt him you're back again ready to do even more damage." She asked angrily finding herself on her feet but she couldn't remember standing up. She ignored Sandy telling her to sit down and glowered at Marissa hatefully, hating her for everything she had done to Ryan, for how much she had hurt him.

Marissa swallowed and drew her tear filled gaze up to Kirsten's cold one and sighed her heart hammering and her blood rushing in her ears as she stood there staring Kirsten down.

"Don't you think I'm sorry for what happened? Don't you think I regret everyday what I did and wish that I could just take it back. I would give anything to just turn back time and change what happened so things could be like what they were before. But I can't Kirsten and neither can you, I had no where else to go and Ryan let me stay here…he's moved on from it why can't you?" She whispered shakily her voice choked with emotion. Kirsten looked down at her hands and then drew her gaze slowly back up to Marissa her hands shaking and her heart pounding.

"Because I don't want you worming your way back into his life again and hurting him and my granddaughter. He deserves better than a little whore like you." She spat as Marissa flinched at her harsh words

"Kirsten!" Sandy said warningly but Kirsten ignored her and watched as Marissa turned and left the room bumping into a bewildered Ryan in the doorway who stood holding Ellie watching Marissa run past and tears and then he looked at Kirsten and sighed. She edged closer, wringing her hands nervously as everyone else just sat in a stunned silence. Seth itched to say something to break the silence but a warning look from Summer kept him quiet.

"Ryan I'm sorry but…I just don't understand why you're letting her stay here and just acting like she never did anything." She said quietly as Ryan set Ellie down in her high chair and turned to face Kirsten.

"I don't need you to understand, you can't understand and none of you will because you don't know what things are like between me and her okay? Just keep an eye on Ellie, I'll go check on her." He said softly, taking one last look at Kirsten before leaving the room silently. There was a long pause in which Kirsten drained her glass of wine, poured another one and Seth let out a long whistle.

"You can take the family out of Newport but you can't take the Newport out of the family." He said, receiving a glare from Summer in return

"I'll be quiet now." He said sitting back and closing his mouth. Sandy nodded

"I think that's best son…and Summer you have to teach me that glare so I can shut him up."

* * *

Marissa leant against the wall and sighed letting the cool breeze that blew around her play across her tear stained face. She closed her eyes and drew a shaky, unsteady breath. Maybe Kirsten was right, she should just stay away from Ryan before she hurts him again…But Ryan wanted her here, he had asked her to stay afterall. God this was so confusing, she couldn't deal with this. A warm salty tear slid slowly down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly opening her eyes and looking around the neat tidy garden and driveway. Her eyes rested on the red and yellow tulips that lined the flowerbeds and she smiled slightly…her favourite flowers. She suddenly remembered the night when Ryan had proposed, he had covered their apartment with candles and tulips…played Jeff Buckley and got down on one knee. It had been perfect…now she had ruined everything. Tears started in her eyes again and she sank down to the concrete floor and drew her knees close to her chest and rested her head on them, crying softly. She let the tears roll down her cheeks freely as she started to sob, each cry wracking her chest causing her whole body to tremble. Why did she have to just f the whole thing up? She could have had the perfect life with him but she had to go and get drunk and ruin everything! The tears flowed rapidly as she cried to herself, feeling the cool stone of the house on her back and the breeze blew around her causing her skin to prickle. She didn't even hear the front door open and Ryan stepped outside, he looked down at her curled up in a ball and sobbing and felt a pang of guilt…

Silently he drew closer and sank to his knees next to her, she looked up in surprise feeling his presence next to her. She met his deep blue eyes full of concern and felt colour rise in her blotchy, tear stained cheeks. She swallowed and wiped her eyes hurriedly on the back of her hands and sniffed. Ryan sighed and swallowed hard not really knowing what to do…he looked back at her and smiled weakly before putting his arm around and her and pulling her frail frame close to his. She let him pull her closer and slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder and sobbing softly. He could feel her shaking in his arms and hugged her tightly closing his eyes and ignoring his racing heart and the pounding in his ears as she trembled in his strong embrace.

"Ssssh…it's okay. I'm sorry." He whispered. She sniffed and just let him hold her, her heart hammering ignoring the fluttering feeling in the pit of her stomach and the shivers that raced down her spine.

"Maybe I should just go." She mumbled into his shoulder, he rubbed her back softly and smiled.

"Don't be thick…you're staying here okay? You have Julie Cooper as a mom, Kirsten's nothing to be scared of." He said jokingly. Marissa drew back slightly and smiled looking into Ryan's kind blue eyes, she sniffed.

"You're right…thanks." She whispered sinking into his embrace once more.

Crouched in the bushes a dark figure grinned and raised his camera taking a few snaps of the hugging couple…Gold…he thought.

* * *

Ryan bounced Ellie on his knee and smiled as she giggled loudly, he looked around the table and noted Marissa's empty space. She had said she had a job but he knew she was just trying to avoid Kirsten. Summer and Kirsten were talking about her TV shows and celebrity rumours whilst Sandy and Seth were talking about Atomic County. Ryan sighed and watched everyone chatting as Ellie giggled and gurgled as she tugged on his shirt gently. Seth looked across at Summer meaningfully and she nodded back, he coughed slightly and cleared his throat getting slowly to his feet.

"Um guys…me and Summer kind of have an announcement to make." He said shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. Summer smiled across at him and he smiled weakly back as Sandy and Kirsten frowned at them confused. Ryan smiled knowing exactly what this was about but he wasn't going to let that on.

"Well the thing is…" Seth started awkwardly, startled that suddenly he couldn't get the words out. This had never happened to him before. He opened his mouth and shut it again and Summer sighed.

"I'm pregnant, we're having a baby." She said smiling, Kirsten's confused expression changed into a grin and Sandy smiled disbelievingly. Kirsten jumped up form her seat and hugged Summer tightly as Seth shook Seth's hand.

"Congratulations!" Kirsten cried happily releasing Summer and hugging Seth tightly, he gasped slightly.

"Mom I think you just cracked a rib…" He said as Kirsten drew away and he rubbed his ribs gently, Ryan set Ellie in her playpen and gave Seth a manly hug.

"Congratulations man, and you Sum." He said with a wink, releasing Seth and hugging her tightly.

"I think this calls for some champagne!" Sandy said with a grin

* * *

Marissa stepped out of the Modelling agency building and quickly donned her favourite pair of Chanel sunglasses as a swarm of paparazzi swooped across the street shouting her name. She silently wished she had hired a bodyguard when she had the chance, but with Jake around she hadn't really needed one. She sighed and ignored them as she drew closer to her cab where the driver was waiting. Suddenly she turned around as she heard one reporter yelling something.

"Is it true you're having an affair with Ryan Atwood?"

What? She thought…how did they know about Ryan? What was going on? The reporter caught her confused expression and fought to get closer.

"You and Atwood? Are you together? What about Jake?" He asked quickly struggling to get closer as he was jostled by the other reporters. Marissa felt her heart hammering…what was he talking about? How did he know about Ryan and why would they think they were together? Who had they been talking to? She thought numbly as she practically threw herself into the car, the noise of their yells dimming slightly as the door slammed shut behind her. She stammered Ryan's address to the cab driver who nodded and pulled out of the parking space, the yelling press running after the cab shouting questions Marissa couldn't hear. Her blood was rushing in her ears as she replayed the questions over and over in her head…Ryan Atwood, how did they know? She sighed shakily and looked out the window as the sky scrapers and office blocks whipped past. She hoped she hadn't dragged Ryan into the mess that she called her life…

As the skyscrapers and sleek tall building were slowly replaced by larger apartment blocks and houses the sun had started to set over the dusky horizon and the huge figure of Ryan's magnificent house rose in front of her and she sighed with relief. Even facing Kirsten was better than the screaming paparazzi. She smiled slightly as the thought of Ryan, he had been so sweet and nice to her earlier. She could still feel the ghost of his strong arms around her…holding her tight. She sighed and shook off the feeling, there was no point thinking like this. It was just a hug, you were upset and he was just being there for you…as a friend. The driver pulled up outside the gates and Marissa stepped out of the cab gracefully, her heels clicking against the stone. She walked over to the driver's window and handed him $20. He looked up at her and grinned greasily

"Thanks Miss Cooper…you know you're even prettier in real life." He said looking her up and down. Marissa fought back a look of disgust and forced a smile.

"Thanks." She said turning her back and walking up the drive towards the house. As she drew closer to the door her eyes rested on the place where she had sat, crying, where Ryan had come over and held her in his arms…causing her whole body to tingle and her heart to race. Stop it…we're just friends. She told herself over and over, nothing more than friends. But deep down she knew she wanted to be more than that…She shakily took out the key Ryan had given here and put it into the lock and turned causing the door to slide open. She had a key to his house…that was just so weird to her. It was like they were living together, well of course they were living together but you know…like properly moving in together. She shut the door behind her and stepped into the cool hallway and sighed hearing talking and laughing spilling out from the next room. She wasn't ready to face Kirsten again, so she walked over to the kitchen to make herself a drink. She walked through the door and was surprised to find Ryan sitting on the counter top drinking a beer. He smiled and set his beer down on the side with a clink. Marissa couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey, you're back. How was work?" He asked sliding off the counter as she walked towards the fridge and pulled the large door open. She pulled out a bottle of juice and smiled tiredly

"Tiring, anything interesting happen when I was gone?" She asked before taking a sip of juice. Ryan grinned.

"Well there's the small matter of Seth and Summer having a baby."

Marissa's mouth dropped open and she started to smile. Wow, Summer was pregnant!

"Wow…that's great." She said setting her bottle down on the side, Ryan nodded placing his hand on the work top and leaning back against it.

"Look I just want to say, I'm really sorry about earlier with Kirsten and everything…" He started but Marissa shook her head.

"Don't worry about it, it's okay. I've been called much worse." She said smiling slightly. Ryan grinned.

"You know that's not something you should be proud of…and frankly I'm not surprised." He said with a smirk, Marissa feigned an indignant gasp and slapped him playfully on the arm. They laughed slightly and Marissa accidentally placed her hand over Ryan's, she felt his soft skin under hers and sparks shot between them and she felt her skin tingle before she pulled her hand away. She flushed red and looked down clearing her throat slightly as Ryan looked away embarrassed. God everytime he touched her his heart raced at what felt like 100mph…An awkward silence fell upon the room broken by the sound of a pair of high heels walking into the room. Marissa looked up and found Kirsten looking between them. At least she wasn't glaring, Marissa thought vaguely. Ryan looked between them both warily and Kirsten seemed to realise what he was doing.

"It's okay I…I wanted to apologise." She stammered looking up at Marissa who looked rather taken a back. Ryan smiled slightly and looked across at Marissa who tried to smile weakly back…apologise? This was so weird… Kirsten walked out of the room and signalled for Marissa to follow her, Marissa turned to go and took one last fleeting look at Ryan who grinned as she left the room and was pulled into what looked like an office or a study. Kirsten sighed and looked up at Marissa.

"Marissa look I…I just wanted to apologise for what I said earlier. I guess it was just the shock of seeing you again and I'm pretty tired from the flight over here. I'm really sorry and I know it's none of my business what goes on between you and Ryan it's just…you know how protective I am of my family and I just don't want Ryan getting hurt again." She said softly. Marissa saw the Kirsten she used to know again, the nice reasonable Kirsten. She smiled slightly and looked up into Kirsten's soft blue eyes.

"I know, it's okay. I'd be the same if I were in your position. Me and Ryan aren't getting together, we're just friends and I'm not going to hurt him." She said honestly but secretly longing to be more than friends, wishing she could just be in his arms again, kiss him and tell him how much she loves him. She shook herself out of it and looked back to Kirsten who was nodding slightly.

"I know…I'm sorry." She said, Marissa nodded.

"Me too."

Then Kirsten leaned forward and hugged Marissa tightly taking her by surprise…was she actually hugging her? At least she wasn't sending her death glares anymore…

* * *

In Newport

Julie sighed humming softly to herself as she picked the paper up off the table and took a sip of wine. She glanced down at the front page and felt her heart stop as she read the headline over the picture that had first grabbed her attention.

MARISSA COOPER PLAYING AWAY?

Horrified Julie let her gaze travel past the headline and down to the picture below it. Her daughter in a passionate embrace with…oh my god…with Ryan Atwood. The wine glass slipped from her hand and shattered on the floor sending shards sliding across the floorboards. Shakily she read the story below it.

World famous supermodel Marissa Cooper was spotted in a passionate embrace with hugely successful, multi millionaire architect Ryan Atwood. Marissa Cooper, 24, was seen yesterday outside Atwood's, 24, mansion in New York. Marissa is currently dating movie Star Jake Hayes whilst Ryan is a single parent and head of Cohen and Atwood ltd. Turn to page 5 for more on this story…

Julie stared down at the picture again furiously, after all she had done for her daughter…after all that careful planning she had just run back to HIM. She had the perfect life, a famous model, superstar boyfriend, money…what more could she want? Oh yes…Ryan Atwood! She swept the paper off the table angrily and sat down. What did she have to do to keep her away from him?

She had to go and see her daughter face to face and knock some sense into her…Julie Cooper was going to New York!

* * *

A/N I hoped you liked it, please review and tell me what you thought! Thanks I will probably be posting another part very soon...

Next Time: Julie comes to New York and the truth comes out with lots of repurcussions (sp?) for Ryan and Marissa...


	14. Destroyed lives and Catfights

A/N Thanks for the brilliant reviews, your comments were great! Especially Kari and EVCLGSB Thanks guys! I really hope you like this part, a lot of drama and angst of course! After all it is my favourite thing to write! So Julie Cooper is coming to New York and sparks will fly…I hope you enjoy it and please review and tell me what you think! Thanks guys!

* * *

Marissa rolled over in bed her covers tangled around her as her eyes fluttered open slowly. Beams of golden sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains, bathing the room in light. Marissa squinted slightly, shielding her eyes from the glare and rolled over staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. She still wasn't quite used to waking up in Ryan's house. She gazed up at the unfamiliar ceiling and sat up slowly, untangling herself from the bedcovers she swung her long tanned legs out of bed and rubbed the tiredness from her eyes with the heels of her hands. She gently slid off the large double bed and shuffled over to the mirror checking her rather dishevelled appearance before shuffling over to the en-suite bathroom and turning on the shower. As she pulled off her thin silk slip Goosebumps prickled across her smooth skin as she shivered slightly. Why had she bought a slip with her? She was always cold in Summer in Newport let alone Winter in New York. Oh yeah, because half of her stuff had gotten soaked and the other half she had dumped in her storage vault. She watched steam billow from the shower and smiled before getting in. The warm water beat down upon her bare skin and she sighed, her thoughts turning to Ryan as they so often did now she was living with him. She loved being close to him again, fair enough they were only friends but just being able to talk to him again, to be around him made her so happy. Those years when they were apart she had felt so alone, even if she was surrounded by friends she would still long for those long meaningless talks she shared with Ryan late at night. She let the last of the water run down her back before turning off the shower and carefully stepping out and reaching for a towel.

She wasn't going to blow this opportunity this time, she had another chance to be close to Ryan and she wasn't going to screw it up. She knew how she felt about him but at the same time she had no idea. She knew she loved him, she always would but whether she was actually in love with him she couldn't tell. When he had held her and comforted her last night she had felt that old feeling ignite inside of her and now she couldn't stop thinking about him. She wanted to be with him, to be able to held in his arms and kiss him and tell him how much she loved him. But she couldn't…he didn't feel the same and they were 'friends' now anyway. She sighed again for what felt like the fifth time in only a few seconds before drying herself off and getting dressed quickly. She pulled a baby blue halter top over her head and tied the ends before running a brush quickly through her shining golden blonde hair and smiling as she left the room in a good mood. Things were finally starting to work out, Kirsten was okay with her, she was friends with Ryan again…even though she wasn't sure they had ever been friends…and she was happy for what felt like the first time in years. She bounced down the stairs happily when she heard a familiar noise that made her heart skip and her stomach dropped slightly. She could hear muffled yells from outside, clicks of cameras, people shouting her name…paparazzi. She broke into a slight jog and peered through the blinds to the driveway and was shocked by the flash of a camera and sudden yelling and a surge of reporters pressing closer to the window. She drew back sharply shutting the blinds and stumbling back a few steps her heart hammering in her ears. Shoot, she thought desperately. They had followed her here, maybe the cab driver had tipped them off?

She had to talk to Ryan, as if he didn't know already. She followed the sounds of voices to the kitchen were she found Ryan, Seth and Sandy talking in the kitchen. They looked up as she entered and Ryan silently offered her coffee. She nodded weakly.

"Ryan I don't know what happened but…someone must have told them and now…now they're all outside." She said desperately, fighting back tears of frustration. Great, now she was bringing all the crp from her world into his. This wasn't fair! Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Why were they so interested in Ryan anyway. Ryan looked up, he looked tired as he handed her a cup of coffee and sighed.

"I think I know why." He said quietly before reaching behind him and pulling out a paper and handing it to Marissa as Seth and Sandy excused themselves and went into the living room silently. Marissa took the paper with shaking hands and felt tears burn in her eyes as she read the headline and her eyes travelled down to the picture below. How? Was all that went through her mind. She looked up at Ryan with tear filled eyes and he sighed deeply before setting his coffee cup down.

"I…I'm so sorry, I've dragged you into this mess I call a life and…I'm sorry." She whispered shakily tears welling in her eyes as she suddenly remembered Jake. There was no way he wouldn't hear about this and he would be so angry…it'd be over. Ryan drew closer and she could feel his presence next to her as she looked down at her feet tearfully.

"Hey…it's okay, at least my company will get some extra advertising huh? It's not your fault." He said softly, tilting her face up to face his so she was looking into his kind, deep blue eyes. She felt her heart falter slightly and she smiled weakly.

"But Jake…he'll…he'll be so angry and…" She stammered dissolving into tears again, he was jealous enough as it is with her even talking to another man but this? This would send him over the edge. Ryan shushed her softly. He felt a stab of sympathy for her, he was so glad he didn't have to deal with the paparazzi. As much as it pained him he had to do the right thing. As much as it hurt to think of her with him he knew that she loved him and she wanted to be with this Jake guy. It wasn't his place to ruin things even if he wished he was in Jake's place.

"Look, give him a call. Explain to him what really happened and if he doesn't believe you then…he's an A$5." He said smiling slightly. Marissa laughed weakly and wiped her eyes and gave Ryan a nod.

"Thanks." She whispered feeling stupid for crying in front of him. She gave him a watery smile and he smiled back.

"You can use the house phone, it'll cost a bomb to use your cell." He said watching her sadly as she walked towards the phone and back to Jake. 'Forget it Ryan, she loves him not you. Things are too messed up between you two, there's too much history. Forget it'. He told himself as he watched her pick up the phone and shoot him a quick smile before dialling the number quickly.

Marissa smiled at him her heart hammering, 'see if he wanted you he wouldn't be giving you such good advice over Jake. He doesn't want you, it's over. You caused too much trouble for him to want you back again.' She told herself as the phone rang a few more times before Jake's familiar voice filled her ear.

"Hello?" He asked tiredly. Marissa swallowed nervously and breathed deeply.

"Hey Jake it's Marissa…I uh don't know if you've seen the papers but I need to explain something to you." She said nervously as there was silence across the line for a few seconds then a sigh.

"Yes I have seen the papers and it looks like you need some explaining. I'm gone a week and you run off with our architect!" He said angrily sitting up in bed. Marissa fought back tears and steadied herself.

"It's not what it looks like, you know as well as I do how the press twist things. Look this is what happened okay? The pipes burst in our apartment and the damage is going to take 2 months to fix. I had nowhere to go, April and Hannah are in London and you know how I feel about hotels and two months in a hotel is ridiculous anyway. I had nowhere to go and Ryan offered to let me stay at his. I was a bit upset over the apartment and he just gave me a hug okay? A normal friendly hug because I was upset and I needed someone and YOU are in Paris." She said pacing the hall as Jake fell silent and she waited for his answer. He sighed again and rubbed his eyes.

"Okay I believe you but why didn't you tell me?" He asked. Marissa ran a hand through her hair.

"Because I didn't want to worry you okay? I have to go, things are bit out of control with the paparazzi and I need to talk to my manager. I love you." She whispered glancing over at Ryan who was washing up his coffee cup.

"I love you too sweetie." He said before hanging up and lying back down in bed. He felt a soft hand creep across his chest and a soft voice whispered in his ear.

"What did she want?" The woman asked softly as she pulled the covers over her bare tanned body. Jake grinned and leant in.

"Nothing really, now where were we?...I think I remember." He said leaning in and kissing her softly.

* * *

Julie stepped out of the cab and looked up at the large beautiful house in front of her and frowned, okay so he had done quite well for himself but that still didn't change things. She passed the swarms of paparazzi that had now been locked outside the gate by security and police and smiled as they shouted at her and yelled. She drew nearer Ryan's house. She couldn't believe Marissa was living with him! God that girl was so stupid sometimes, jeopardising things with Jake for Ryan Atwood. What was she thinking? She had been so thrilled when she discovered Marissa was dating Jake Hayes, he was exactly the type of man Julie had hoped she would end up with. Rich, famous, good looking and successful. Someone who would boost Marissa's career even more. But now she was living with Ryan and there were pictures of them in all the papers and rumours flying everywhere. This was a disaster and only one Julie Cooper could resolve. She had to knock some sense into her daughter and she didn't care what it took, after all she had pulled out all the stops last time and she was willing to do it again. As she marched up the vast driveway she eyed the expensive cars in the driveways and looked the beautiful house up and down and scowled. She came to the large mahogany doors and rang the bell twice and stood on the doorstep impatiently. She had footsteps drawing closer and ran over her speech in her head. The door opened slowly and Ryan stood in the doorway a dishcloth thrown over his left shoulder and gripping the door with other. Julie faked a wide smile whilst Ryan just stared back.

"Um…Mrs Cooper? Do you want to talk to Marissa?" He asked as Julie stood there smiling. She looked him up and down.

"Yes thanks Ryan, you're looking well." She said her voice sickly sweet. Ryan just stared back in bewilderment. How did she know Marissa was staying here? Maybe she had seen the paper? Julie Cooper coming never meant good news.

"Um…thanks. You too? I'll um get Marissa." He said nervously walking into the house.

"Come in." He said finding she already had and was looking around. He yelled up the stairs whilst Julie looked around. Wow she thought, this place was nice. Still, he may have a nice house but he was still an ex-con and was nowhere near good enough for her daughter. Marissa hurried down the stairs to find Ryan standing at the bottom looking slightly confused. Then she spotted her mother standing slightly to the left of Ryan looking around waiting impatiently.

"Mom?" She asked uncertainly. Julie turned around and applied another large fake smile.

"Marissa honey! How are you sweetie?" She asked brightly, again in that sickly sweet tone. Marissa looked across at Ryan who shrugged smiling slightly. He slipped out of the room to join Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Summer who were playing scrabble.

"Seth, cupboardy is not a word!" Sandy said loudly grinning slightly. Seth opened his mouth in indignation.

"It is!" He protested. Kirsten stopped laughing and turned to Seth.

"Okay then Seth, what does it mean? Put it in context." She challenged. Seth grinned and thought slightly as Summer suppressed a grin.

"Fine, it means cupboard like…That box seems very cupboardy." He said triumphantly. Sandy laughed and spotted Ryan in the doorway.

"Hey son, who was at the door?" He asked as Seth and Kirsten turned to face him.

"Um…Julie Cooper." He said as Kirsten looked at him in surprise, Seth opened his mouth.

"Really? We better get the crucifixes and holy water ready." Seth said warily looking around him. Ryan and Sandy grinned whilst Kirsten fought back a smile and tried to throw a scolding look but failed miserably.

* * *

Marissa looked her mom up and down, she knew why she was here. She had read the papers and was coming for a rant about her and Jake. She might as well get it over with. Julie surveyed her daughter and took a deep breath.

"We both know why I'm here Marissa. I just don't see how you could be so stupid? You have something wonderful with Jake and you're willing to give it up for HIM?" She said with disgust. Marissa flinched slightly at her tone.

"Don't talk about Ryan like he's a piece of dirt, he's the one who let me stay here when I had nowhere else to go!" Marissa said angrily trying to keep her voice down knowing full well that Ryan was in the next room. Julie rolled her eyes.

"Look Marissa, you're relationship with Jake has too much potential to be squandered over some silly misunderstanding in the papers." Julie said her tone softened. Now it was Marissa's turn to roll her eyes.

"Funny, I seem to remember you saying that about Luke and look where that ended up!" Marissa said lightly throwing her mom a dirty look. Julie stiffened slightly and glared coldly at her daughter. She wasn't going to let her ruin things…

"Marissa, I'm serious. Being with Jake is the best thing for you, staying here with Ryan Atwood will only bring you down." She said looking Marissa straight in the eyes. Marissa looked at her in disbelief, how could Ryan bring her down? It was more like the other way around and how could she just stand there insulting him behind his back in his own home! Her mother hadn't changed a bit. She glared at her whilst Julie's fake smile faded.

"You don't know what's best for me!" Marissa retorted trying to get the conversation away from Ryan because just hearing his name made her heart beat faster. Julie scowled and sighed.

"I know a whole lot more than you do! Since you and Ryan broke up look how much better your life is! You're rich, famous and successful and have a wonderful boyfriend." She said listing them off on her fingers. Marissa shook her head and laughed.

"Yeah because I'm SO happy. I was so much happier when I was with Ryan and I would give anything to go back to then!" She said her voice shaking slightly. Julie just sighed and shook her head patronisingly.

"You might think that Marissa but it isn't true. I'm not going to let you screw things up after all I sacrificed and all I did to get you away from HIM and into the life you have now!" She said angrily her voice rising slightly. Marissa stopped, staring at her mother confused…get you away from him? What did she mean? What…what was she talking about?

Julie stopped still her heart hammering…oh god, she had said too much. The truth was coming out…She watched as Marissa's expression changed from anger to confusion and disbelief. Her heart hammered faster and faster as she stared at her mother.

"W…what are you talking about? What do you mean?" She stammered not taking her eyes off her mom's guilty expression. Julie remained silent staring down at her shoes uncertain of whether to tell her or not…

"What do you mean!" She demanded. Julie remained silent once more and Marissa grew angry again her blood rushing in her ears and her heart pounding.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" She yelled her hands shaking as Julie slowly looked up into her shining blue eyes.

"Didn't you ever wonder how you got so drunk that night when you weren't even drinking? Didn't you ever wonder why you never remembered getting into bed with that guy? Never remembered actually doing anything with him? Only waking up? Why I called Ryan to come and pick you up when you weren't going anywhere?" She asked softly her voice steady as she stared straight into her daughter's wide desperate eyes as they overflowed with tears.

Ryan stood rooted to the spot unable to move as Julie's words ran around his head…she couldn't mean…but why would she? This was so messed up. She couldn't mean what he thought she meant could he? No…that was ridiculous…that would mean.

He couldn't even process it. Why would she though…?

Marissa was numb. She stared up at her mom in horror her whole body trembling with suppressed rage and anguish. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening. She repeated to herself. Julie smiled slightly.

" You didn't sleep with anyone honey…I just made you think that you did. See that's all it took to split up that so called relationship with that ex-con toe rag." She said as Marissa just stared at her in disbelief. She couldn't believe it…she…her own mother…she couldn't…

Kirsten looked across at Sandy's dumbfounded expression then back to Ryan who was standing staring down at his shoes looking blank and disbelieving.

"Ryan sweetie?" She whispered softly, but she got nothing back. Ryan just stood there blankly.

Marissa stood staring up at her mother with a mix of horror and disbelief, her eyes were wide with anguish as tears flowed freely down her face. Her whole frail frame trembled as she stared into Julie's cold and remorseless eyes. Her heart was hammering hard against her chest and the rushing in her ears was deafening. She couldn't even process what was going on, her mother had…she had…she had set the whole thing up? She had ruined her life and destroyed her last hope of happiness and she wasn't even acting like she was sorry! She felt numb, how could this have happened? She opened her mouth and found that no sound came out so she swallowed hard and blinked back her tears.

"Why?" She whispered shakily as a thousand thoughts rushed through her head, her mind buzzing. She hadn't really slept with anyone? So her and Ryan had been through hell and back for nothing! Julie sighed and looked down at her leather cowboy boots before facing her daughter with a steely glare. She could see she was practically destroying her right there and then but it was for her own good.

"I wasn't going to have you marry him. He's not good enough for you and he was only going to bring you down. I would not have my daughter marry some trailer trash boy from Chino. When you were dating I thought it was just a faze and soon enough you'd realise he wasn't good enough but no…you were still living in some fantasy land where you thought he would actually stick by you and support you. I had to do something because you were too infatuated to see the truth." She said calmly not flinching as Marissa let out a strangled sob, her hands shaking with fury and distress. She couldn't believe she was just standing there and coming out with this like she had done nothing wrong, she had ruined her life and she didn't even care. All those years she had spent crying and wishing she could go back, all the guilt over something that wasn't even her fault! All the pain and hurt Ryan had suffered thinking she had betrayed him all because of Julie. Marissa felt white hot anger bubble deep in the pit of her stomach and something seemed to snap. Her hand swung out through the air and collided with the side of Julie's face with a sickening slap. Julie stumbled backwards a few steps clutching at the area on her face where Marissa had hit her. Her mouth was open and she looked furious. Marissa edged towards her shaking with fury as tears slid down her cheeks.

"How could you? You ruined my life! Ryan meant everything to me and you just destroyed my whole life and my last chance at happiness! I hate you" She yelled her voice rising and shaking with anger as tears burned in her blazing blue eyes. Julie shook her head.

"Face it Marissa, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be where you are now. You'd be a nobody living in the numbered streets with a bunch of kids and you'd be miserable" She said her composure slipping as she grew angry. Marissa shoved Julie hard.

"No, I'd be happy! I would have been happy if it wasn't for YOU!" She yelled shoving her mother again who shoved back angrily.

Ryan swallowed hard realising he had to do something before they ripped each other apart. He still couldn't process what had happened. All those years he had been thinking this whole ting was Marissa's fault, blaming her it hadn't been her at all. She hadn't even done anything. He could feel the Cohen's concerned gazes burning into his back and he knew he had to get out of there before they started asking him if he was okay…because he wasn't. He could be happily married with Marissa and living a perfect life if it wasn't for…that woman. How could someone do that to their daughter? He walked forward slowly dreading coming face to face with Marissa but he had to stop this. His mind was buzzing and his heart pounding as he stepped out into the hallway his legs feeling like jelly. Marissa was pulling Julie's hair and Julie was yelling at her. Ryan watched Julie was an uncontrollable feeling of hatred rushing through him. He walked steadily forward aware of Kirsten calling him name but he ignored it. He was trying so hard to keep his emotions under control. He just didn't know where to put this…if he thought things had been awkward before what would they be like now? Why was everything so screwed up?

"STOP IT" He yelled surprising himself slightly, Marissa and Julie stopped both still holding each other's hair but looking up at Ryan.

"Julie, I want you out of my house before I call the police." He said warningly, his eyes flashing dangerously. Julie and Marissa let go of each other gingerly and stepped back a few paces. Julie straightened up and regained what composure she had left and tossed her hair back. She smoothed down her clothes and looked up meeting Ryan's cold, intense gaze.

"I'm going, but I just want you to know…it wouldn't have lasted between you two anyway. I was just adding fuel to the flames." She said. Ryan forced down the bubble of anger and hatred that was threatening to burst inside of him and held back Marissa as she lunged at Julie again. Julie left with one departing smirk before leaving, slamming the door hard behind her and causing the windows to rattle in their frames. Ryan let out a sigh his heart still racing and his hands shaking as he turned to face Marissa who was standing alone in the hallway, her breathing ragged and her whole body quivering as tears rolled steadily down her flushed red cheeks. She slowly lifted her gaze so she was looking at Ryan, her vision blurred by the continuous stream of tears. She met his sad blue eyes and they stood there staring at each other for a few moments that felt like a life time. She just knew that she would never be able to see eye to eye with him again, not after all this. Not after all HER mother had done. Would he ever even talk to her after everything that had happened…this was so unbelievable, this couldn't really be happening could it? Oh God why was her whole life a screw up? I mean yeah, at least she hadn't actually slept with anyone but would that really change things now? It had been four years for them both to get used to the fact but would it really change things between them? She looked into his face and sighed deeply her breath shaking. He looked back into her eyes and he knew she wouldn't stay with him now, not after everything he had said to her when she hadn't even done anything. Everything was such a god damned mess. He couldn't wrap his head around it. He had to say something to her before she bolted. Even though if he thought he spoke all his emotions would come tumbling out at once, anger, hurt, pain, guilt all mixed up at once…he couldn't handle this. Why couldn't they have just gone on thinking things were like they were, at least he and Marissa were talking and the awkwardness had gone. Now it would be back full measure.

"Marissa I…are you okay?" He whispered his voice trembling. She met his gaze again, of course she wasn't okay. At least he was talking to her though. She couldn't handle this, she couldn't just stand in front of him and say everything was alright. She had ruined his life…she couldn't do this. Not again.

"No…I'm not. I…I can't be here right now. I…I need to go and clear my head, get some space. I'll…I'll be back later okay?" She stammered tearfully reaching for her jacket and grabbing her keys from the pocket. Ryan nodded, numbly as she walked briskly past him wiping her eyes as more tears fell from her eyes. She left through the front door shutting it gently behind her leaving Ryan alone in the hallway with his buzzing thoughts.

* * *

Ryan POV

This is so screwed up, Marissa probably hates me and everyone heard everything. Now everything's going to be totally awkward and I don't think I can handle it. I can't even take in what's happened it's just so, messed up. She never even did anything and I said…I said all those things and I can't just take them back now. God I feel like such an idiot! I shouldn't have let her go out by herself, she's not thinking straight. I know I'm not. Who knows what she'll do? It's Marissa Cooper afterall, I'm such an idiot why did I let her walk out? The past four years have all been a lie basically, I've been blaming her for everything and in the end she didn't even do anything to be blamed for! Where does that leave us? We shouldn't really have ever broken up… I'm just so confused, I know I love her…but I'm not in love with her. Am I? What if we'd never broken up? I'd never have had Ellie…all I do know is that I have to go and find her before she does something stupid.

Ryan looked up, pulled from his thoughts by a timid voice. He spun around and saw Seth standing in the doorway with Sandy, Summer and Kirsten behind him. Great…They were all looking stunned and awkward.

"I…Are you okay man?" He asked quietly. Ryan looked up and thought about the question. Truthfully no, maybe he wouldn't respond with the usual fine he was so used to giving.

"No…look I have to go and find Marissa before she…you know. Can you watch Ellie for me?" He asked looking at Kirsten. She nodded and looked up at Ryan with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Ryan." She whispered. Ryan nodded not really knowing what exactly she was sorry for but he didn't really have time for explanations and questions. He had to find Marissa. He had to apologise…he had to talk to her. He grabbed his keys from the hook of the wall and ran out the door closing it behind him leaving Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Summer in a stunned silence.

He fired up the engine and reversed the range rover out of the driveway and past the few remaining reporters who had decided to stick around. She couldn't have got too far, she didn't have car. Unless she had caught a cab. Where the hell was he going to start looking for her? New York was a pretty big place. Why had he let her leave? He just hoped she was okay, he couldn't handle it if anything happened to her. It would be his fault, well Julie Cooper's really but still partly his. He just hoped she wasn't doing anything stupid! If he lost her, he wouldn't be able to handle it. He would never see her shining blue eyes again, her beautiful smile, hear her voice or hear her laugh…then it dawned on him. He…he was…He did love her, he was in love with Marissa Cooper. Great…even better. He thought darkly, but he was right. He should have realized all along, the moment he saw her again there had been that familiar feeling deep down inside. He had to find her. He stopped at the traffic lights drumming his fingers against the steering wheel trying to think of where to look first. Where would she go? Come on…think like Marissa. Okay that was difficult seeing as he wasn't a girl.

"Come on think Atwood." He muttered to himself as the lights changed green, he needed to choose a turning. Suddenly the thought of it, he remembered Marissa telling him that sometimes she sat in Central Park by the lake just thinking…maybe she would go there? It was worth a shot. He sighed feeling a little better and turned right heading towards the park at top speed.

* * *

Marissa collapsed down on the bench and placed her head in her hands, dusk was settling over the city and the breeze was cold. She shivered slightly and stared out over the rippling water and sighed, tears rolling down her cheeks. She couldn't take this…another screw up adding to the mess that was her life. Things with her and Ryan were definitely over now, her mother had ruined his life for no good reason. It's not fair, she just wanted to be with him but everything just kept getting in her way. Maybe it was a sign. She shivered again and looked up at the cloudy sky, great it was going to rain. Perfect. She couldn't go back to Ryan's now, not yet. She needed time. For what she didn't know, just for her to straighten things out in her head…she just wished Ryan would come take her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Like that was going to happen, not after today's fiasco. This was it for them…for certain.

* * *

A/N So...Drama! Tell me what you thought! You review and I post...deal?Hope you enjoyed that! I wont be posting next week as I'm going on holiday so this will have to do!

Next Time: Ryan finds Marissa and they share a passionate moment...


	15. I will try to fix you

A/N Thanks for the brilliant reviews, your comments were great! Especially Kari and EVCLGSB again! You guys are all great! This is the part you've all been waiting for! The big R/M climax so please tell me what you think! I have taken your rain suggestions on board! Lol Enjoy and review!

A/N2: Lyrics are from Fix You by Coldplay

* * *

Ryan pulled his car up by the park gates and killed the engine before taking a glance out of his window. The rain was pouring down in torrents making that familiar drumming noise on the window. He sighed and looked around for his jacket…great he didn't have one. He jumped slightly as lightening rippled across the black angry sky and the rain pelted down harder. She better not say I don't do anything for her…he thought darkly as he put his keys in his pocket and opened the door and stepped out into the icy rain and the driving wind. He groaned, locked his cars and ran through the gates the rain spattering against his face, within seconds he was soaked through to the skin and shivering. It was times like these he missed Newport. He ran along the pathway looking around and folding his arms across his chest in a futile attempt to block out the biting wind and the driving rain. The park was empty and the darkness only made things harder…how the hell was he going to find her? He didn't even know if she was here! He felt rain water trickling down his back and groaned, either he was going to drown or catch pneumonia out here. He reached into his jeans pocket which were already stiff and wet with rain water and pulled out his phone, he flicked it open and watched as droplets spattered onto the screen and he wiped them away hastily. Scrolling through his phonebook he continued along the gravely pathway, deeper into the park. He found Marissa's number and dialled it quickly. He shivered and looked down at his soaked T-shirt. The call went straight through the voice mail. 

"Hey, you've reached Marissa Cooper. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave a message after the beep I'll get back to you. Thanks!"

Ryan smiled slightly at the sound of her voice and waited for the beep. He didn't know how she would hear this message over the howling wind behind him but it was worth a try. He sighed shakily as he shivered again. Just hearing her voice was making his heart beat faster.

"Um Marissa it's Ryan…I just need to know you're okay and that you haven't done anything…you know. Um…please call me back and tell me where you are and I'll pick you up. I…I'm so sorry about…everything and I just need to know that you're okay because if you're not I…I don't know what I'd do. Please just call me and tell me you're okay because…I…I love you." He stammered his heart pounding, he flicked his phone shut and sighed shoving it in his pocket wishing he hadn't said that last part. He continued along the path feeling more and more hopeless as minutes went by. The weather wasn't letting up and he was so cold he was sure he couldn't feel his fingers or toes. This was such a stupid idea, Central Park is huge! How was he going to find her even if she was here? He was going to let her down again, he didn't deserve her. Why had he left that message! He felt so stupid, she had a boyfriend! She wouldn't want to be with him! God he was such an idiot, but he was just so worried about her. He had to know she was okay…He looked up and did a double take. A few metres ahead of him there was a figure sat on a bench, head down…it looked like Marissa..it had to be her.

* * *

Kirsten watched Ellie as she gradually dropped off to sleep and smiled, she kissed her softly on the forehead and turned around to face Sandy who was sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table. Kirsten frowned and sat next to him with a sigh. 

"Do you think Ryan's okay?" She asked leaning her head against Sandy's shoulder. Sandy sighed deeply and wrapped his arm around Kirsten pulling her tighter to him.

"I hope so, he'll find Marissa and they'll work things out…we just have to leave them to it." He said softly. Kirsten nodded and chewed on her bottom lip anxiously.

"I just can't believe that Julie…I can't believe she did that!" She said angrily. Sandy shifted slightly.

"I know…I think that's it for Marissa and her."

Kirsten nodded.

"I think that's it for me and her as well…she ruined their lives because she's just so god damned selfish!" Kirsten said exasperatedly, she couldn't believe Julie had done that…she had ruined her daughter's and Ryan's lives and caused them so much pain and suffering and she didn't even care! Sure she knew Julie Cooper was pretty cold-hearted and selfish at times but this…this was too far.

* * *

Marissa closed her eyes against the pouring rain and the icy wind as she shivered slightly and drew her jacket tighter around herself with shaking hands. She pulled her hood lower over her eyes and breathed in deeply trying to stop the flowing tears that streaked down her rain flecked face. She wiped them away hurriedly but they were only to be replaced by more. She couldn't go back, not yet. She didn't think she could face the Cohen's…Ryan. What was he going to think of her now? Fair enough she hadn't slept with anyone but her mother had set the whole thing up and basically ruined their lives. This was so screwed up, why did this always happen to her? Just as she starts to be happy again something comes along and sts all over it. She felt someone's presence next to her and she looked up from the brim of her dripping hood. 

Ryan sat down next to Marissa and sighed looking up at the black angry sky, his heart was hammering and his mind racing as he tried to work out exactly what he was going to say to her. Why did he always get so nervous around her? What if she didn't even want to talk to him?

Marissa felt her heart skip a beat as she saw a soaking wet Ryan sitting next to her just staring up at the sky and shivering. She smiled slightly, blood rushing in her ears and her heart pounding as his gaze slowly lowered and met her tear-filled one. They sat there staring at each other, lost in each other's gazes for a while before Marissa looked down at her lap and swallowed the choking sob that threatened to surface.

"W…what are you doing here?" She stammered as the rain pelted harder down on them, the wind blew scattering dead leaves into the air.

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

Ryan looked up at her, becoming breathless as he stared into her beautiful blue eyes. His hands trembling as he edged slightly closer along the bench, not taking his eyes from her.

"I came to see you, I had to check if you were okay. That you hadn't done something…"He trailed off awkwardly as Marissa smiled weakly, rain drops and tears rolling steadily down her cheeks.

"Stupid?" She offered. Ryan smiled and felt himself flush slightly but when he looked up Marissa was smiling too. She broke his gaze and looked off into the distance her whole body trembling.

"Ryan I…I'm so sorry…For everything. For my mom for…for her showing up and, everything she did and…I understand if you're upset with me and, if you want I'll find somewhere else to go it's just…I screwed up your life again and I just keep messing things up! I just wish everything could be simple for once, you know? I'm so sorry Ryan." She said her voice verging on a sob as more warm tears trickled from her eyes and glided down her cheeks. She looked down at her hands suppressing the sob that desperately tried to escape her lips. Ryan reached forward and gently tilted her face upwards and looked into her eyes, their faces inches apart.

_When the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

"Marissa, don't apologise. None of this is your fault okay? I've been a complete a$ to you and you…you didn't even do anything. Don't even think about moving anywhere else because…I guess I kinda like having you around." He said softly with a smile. Marissa smiled back and wiped her eyes hurriedly, her breaths coming in ragged gasps as she desperately fought back sobs.

"I…The past few days you've been here I…I've actually been happy again. I mean yeah it was a bit awkward but I didn't really realise how much I missed having you around and…I was so scared that I'd lost you tonight and…I really want you to stay with me. Okay I'm babbling like Seth now but…I guess what I'm trying and failing to say is…I love you and nothing that you or your family can do will change that. I don't care what happened four years ago. I care about now…I care about you." He whispered staring deep into her eyes his heart racing. Marissa looked into his blazing blue eyes and felt her heart melt, he loved her. He said he loves her. Oh god he actually loved her, he felt the same. She stopped shivering and suddenly she felt a surge of relief and happiness. This was perfect. Him and her, alone in Central park in the pouring rain. She felt a smile light across her face and he smiled back his breath coming out in silvery, smoky plumes in front of him. Her blood was rushing in her ears

_Tears stream down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down your face  
And I…_

She leant slowly closer their noses inches apart, the atmosphere was electric as invisible sparks shot between them. His hand rested on her cheek drawing her closer and shivers leapt down her spine. Lightening filled the darkened sky, illuminating the whole park in white light. Their noses grazed gently and their lips met, fitting together perfectly. Marissa felt her heart swell and it seemed like fireworks were going off in her stomach as she slipped her arms around his neck. She pressed herself closer to his strong, wet body and the kiss deepened.

_Tears stream down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down your face  
And I…_

Ryan slipped his arms around Marissa and gently lifted her off the bench, she wrapped her legs around his waist and they broke apart both smiling, lost in each other's eyes.

"I love you too." She whispered before leaning in and kissing him hungrily wrapping her arms around his neck. Ryan smiled into her mouth before letting his tongue slide over hers. It felt so good just to be kissing her again. He didn't notice as the rain soaked them both and thunder boomed loudly as lightning illuminated the park again. They were too lost in each other.

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you.

* * *

_

Ryan's eyelids fluttered slowly open and he stared up at the cream ceiling above him, not recognising it as any ceiling in his house. He closed his eyes against the sun that was streaming through the windows and opened them again taking in his surroundings. His tired blue eyes travelled over the unfamiliar night stand where he saw his watch, the cream walls, the large mirror, the wide screen TV on the sideboard and the clothes that littered the floor. His clothes…Marissa's clothes. Then it all came rushing back to him in one glorious moment, Julie Cooper, Central Park, Marissa in the rain, kissing, him telling her he loved her, more kissing, hotel room…The Hotel! That's where he was. Finally having his bearings he rolled over to find a peacefully sleeping Marissa. Her golden, honey blonde hair was fanned out on the pillow as she slept on her side, her chest rising and falling softly. Her bare, tanned shoulder stuck out from the duvet and Ryan lay his head gently next to her and kissed the dip of her bare slender neck softly. He inhaled her sweet perfume and smiled softly to himself, kissing her soft skin again. Just lying here next to her made him feel light headed. She stirred slightly and smiled in her sleep before settling down again. Ryan gently wrapped a strong arm around her slender, delicate shoulders and closed his eyes. Not wanting to move from this spot ever. It was perfect.

Marissa stirred feeling soft lips plant a kiss on her neck. She smiled recognising Ryan's cologne and shifted slightly smiling to herself as she felt his strong toned arms wrap themselves around her. She relaxed into his warm embrace closing her eyes as her heart hammered, her skin tingling at his touch. She could stay here forever. Just him and her. She played last night's events over in her head, her smile growing wider each time.

"I guess what I'm trying and failing to say is…I love you and nothing that you or your family can do will change that. I don't care what happened four years ago. I care about now…I care about you."

Ryan's low soft voice echoed in her head and she felt goosebumps dance across her skin as she remembered kissing him last night. The rain pouring down around them, both soaked, lightening illuminating the night sky and the wind whipping around them both as they sank into each other's embrace. Finally together. She nestled closer into Ryan's arms and slipped her small delicate hand into his. Their fingers interweaved and she lifted his hand up to her lips before planting a gentle kiss on it.

"Morning Stranger." She whispered huskily, a sexy smile creeping across her face. Ryan grinned as his heart hammered. He caressed her arm gently and kissed her neck again.

"Morning…"He replied between kisses. Marissa giggled softly and turned to face Ryan, their faces inches apart on the pillows. She looked into his bright blue eyes and felt her heart swell with happiness, he loved her. She loved him. For once things were perfect. She looked down and then back up, meeting his eyes with a provocative smile.

"I'm having a shower…care to join me?" She whispered softly. Ryan grinned and kissed her lips softly before drawing back.

" I'd love to." He murmured into her ear as she sat up pulling the covers over her slender naked body. He watched her walk over to the bathroom with a smile on his face and she turned back shooting him a dazzling smile. He slid out of bed, ruffled his head and followed her towards the bathroom…

* * *

The Doctor frowned and looked up at Seth and Summer who were waiting nervously. 

"Okay…well your follow up seems to be fine. The baby is in a good position and is a healthy size. Everything seems to be fine." He said with a smile as Seth and Summer let out a sigh of relief and smiled at each other.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" The doctor asked seriously, looking between Seth and Summer who looked at each other. Summer looked uncertainly towards Seth, did she want to know? She had always thought she would want it to be a surprise but maybe she did want to know. Then she could have baby names, decorate the room and make everything perfect. She wanted to know…but would Seth?

Seth stared into Summer's large chocolate brown eyes trying to figure out what she was thinking. He knew he wanted to know but Summer…she probably wanted the surprise. In the end it all came down to her really, she was the one having the baby and he knew he didn't really have a say in much…

"Do you Cohen? Because I think I do…I mean we could think of names and decorate the nursery because Ryan said the house in nearly ready for decorating? What do you think?" She asked nervously, giving his hand a slight squeeze. Seth smiled and gripped Summer's small hand gently.

"I want to know…we want to know." He said turning to the doctor and smiling. The doctor nodded and looked down at his file as Seth and Summer waited anxiously. Summer was desperate for a little girl and Seth was desperate for a son..

"Your baby is…he's a boy." He said with a smile, taking off his glasses. Seth let out a whoop and Summer smiled, she thought she'd be disappointed but she wasn't. The point was she was having a baby and a little boy was just as good. She could paint the nursery baby blue and he could wear little dungarees and caps…She smiled and threw her arms around Seth who had stopped whooping

"We're having a boy Cohen!" She said happily, Seth hugged her tightly resting his head on her shoulder and grinning from ear to ear. He was having a son, he could read comic books with him and play ps2…this was great.

* * *

The warm water drummed down on Ryan's back as he felt it wash over him, he ran his hands down Marissa's side and she grinned and pressed her body close to his. Their lips met and they kissed passionately, water streaming down their faces and bodies. Marissa giggled and threw a handful of shower foam hitting Ryan in the face. He grinned and scooped it off with his hand and chucked some at Marissa hitting her in the chin making it look like she had a beard. They laughed loudly and Marissa kissed Ryan's shoulder softly, working slowly up to his cheek and across to his lips. He slid his arms around her waist and kissed the dip of her neck softly. 

"I love you." She whispered over the sound of the rushing water. Ryan smiled.

"I love you too."

The sharp sound of the ringing phone cut through the sounds of water and Ryan looked up and groaned. He kissed Marissa swiftly.

"I better get it." He said reluctantly, she nodded and turned off the water as Ryan stepped out of the shower and pulled a white fluffy towel from the rack and tied it round his waist. Marissa's eyes travelled over his wet, shining, toned body and she smiled to herself. She missed just being with him, having moments like this…She never had this with Jake…oh god Jake! She had totally forgotten about him, she would have to break things off. Of course she would, she loved Ryan and being with him was the most important thing to her. She didn't even love Jake did she?...No, it wasn't love like she had with Ryan. Nothing was. Ryan picked up his cell from the sideboard.

"Hello?" Ryan said picking up the remote and turning on the TV.

"Hey honey it's Kirsten, I was just wondering when you were going to be back? Is Marissa okay?" She asked. Ryan had left her a message last night explaining that he couldn't drive back because the weather was too bad and he and Marissa were going to stay in a hotel. She didn't envy Ryan, she had spent all night up with Ellie after she had had another nightmare about the exorcist and was crying for her daddy. It had been a long time since she had stayed up the night with a toddler. Ryan smiled as Marissa shuffled out of the bathroom wearing an open robe and rubbing a towel through her hair.

"Um later on this morning probably, Marissa's fine, well not fine but dealing with things. I've got some work to do but I'll probably do it from home. How's Ellie?" He asked flicking through the channels and finally resting on the news.

"Oh she's fine, asking for her daddy though." Kirsten said with a smile. Marissa glanced over at the TV as the news anchor woman started to talk and a familiar face appeared on the screen.

"In other news, Exclusive pictures of Hollywood actor Jake Hayes have been released into the press this morning. The various pictures show Hayes with several other women outside his hotel in Paris where he is filming his new movie, Behind the curtains. Jake who was been dating supermodel Marissa Cooper for a year now denies rumours they have split and says the pictures are fake."

Marissa watched in mingled horror and fury as the pictures appeared on the screen showing Jake kissing a tall brunette woman, holding hands with a blonde and kissing with another brunette. Marissa felt angry tears sting in her eyes and she looked up at Ryan who had his back to her and was still talking to Kirsten oblivious of the new report playing in the background. It felt like her heart was beating at 100mph as she looked at the pictures tears welling in her angry eyes and her hands shaking. She couldn't believe this, she didn't know how to feel…how could he? After giving her a lecture about that picture of her and Ryan HUGGING when the whole time he had been seeing other women behind her back! What a pig! She thought angrily as burning tears slid down her cheeks. A strangled sob escaped her lips and she pulled her robe tight around herself before tearing her eyes away from the screen and fleeing the room, slamming the door behind her. She couldn't take this…she didn't know what to feel. She wasn't crying because of HIM, she was crying because he lied to her…because she had been stupid enough to believe him, because of him she hadn't been able to get back with Ryan sooner…

Ryan heard the bedroom door slam and he turned around bewildered to find Marissa gone, he quickly finished his conversation with Kirsten and glanced across at the TV to find pictures of…oh god it was Jake with another woman…Shh!t, he thought before running out the door regardless of the fact that he was in a towel. He had to find her…

* * *

A/N So...what did you think? I had to put in some nice R/M fluff before all the drama kicks off again! Lol please review and tell me what you think and I will update as soon as possible! Thanks guys!

Next Time: Ryan comforts Marissa and Marissa dumps Jake. Seth and Summer plan baby names and Jake comes back to New York to talk to Marissa only to find her with Ryan...


	16. Wasted tears and baby names

A/N Thanks for the brilliant reviews, your comments were great! I'm sorry for the delay but I was on holiday, this part is very short but it's better than nothing because I've been really busy lately! Hope it's okay for you though, if it's too short I'm sorry but the next post will be longer! Please review and tell me what you think an I will post another part!  Enjoy!

* * *

Marissa stopped halfway down the empty hallway and leant against the cream walls letting the tears fall softly down her face. Her breath came in ragged gasps as she swallowed in an attempt to quell the flowing tears. Her heart was hammering in her ears as she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to steady her shaking hands. She didn't even know why she was wasting tears over him, he was just a filthy lying pig. She opened her eyes and found tears still welling in them causing the hallways to blur. 

Marissa POV

God I'm so stupid. I should have realised, all those times he was "working late". This must have been going on for weeks, even months and I had been to stupid to even figure it out. I'm so confused, I don't know what to feel. I'm not as upset as I thought I would be…wasn't I being hypocritical in this whole thing? Afterall I had been doing the exact same thing last night with Ryan. This is so screwed up. But maybe this would turn out for the best. I could break up with Jake, he'd never have to know about Ryan and then we could just be together. Who am I kidding? Like things in my life are ever as easy as that. What am I doing out here in just my robe? This is such a mess, I need Ryan…

Marissa sighed deeply and started walking shakily back towards the hotel room wiping her eyes…

* * *

Ryan sprinted down the hallway as fast as the towel around his waist would allow him, he didn't want to get arrested for indecent exposure. With one hand firmly holding the fluffy white towel around his waist in place he ran the other through his wet hair in frustration. He had to find her, he couldn't let her run off again. He knew any normal person wouldn't be best pleased if their partner was all over the news along with sordid pictures but this was Marissa…she didn't handle bad news well. Would she still want to be with him after this? Maybe she would need time alone, time away from men. Great. He thought as he rounded the corner and bumped straight into someone. He stumbled back desperately clinging onto his towel and looked up meeting a large pair of slightly blood shot sapphire eyes. He let out an audible sigh of relief and looked up into her eyes and smiled slightly. 

"Marissa! I…I'm so sorry." He whispered tucking his towel in at the top so it would stay up, Marissa nodded and suddenly appeared to notice Ryan's appearance and smiled softly.

"It's okay…it's not your fault and..I…I guess it's for the best. I mean, we can be together properly now right?" She stammered forcing back the tears that burned in the back of her eyes. Ryan felt a grin creep slowly across his face as he looked into her eyes as she smiled in return her eyes gleaming.

"I guess so." He said with a grin before leaning in closer, their lips met softly before Marissa kissed his hungrily running her fingers down his bare back. Ryan lifted his hand up to her cheek and let it rest there gently as he kissed her passionately. Suddenly he was aware of his towel slipping and his eyes snapped open as he pulled away. Marissa let out a stifled shriek as his towel hit the floor leaving him standing in the middle of the hallway…totally naked. Ryan felt heat rush to his face as he desperately reached down to pick it up his heart hammering as he wished the ground would just swallow him up right now. Marissa giggled and caught his hand as he reached to pick it up and smiled seductively.

"I prefer it off…" She whispered.

* * *

Marissa let her finger hover uncertainly over the call button as her eyes travelled across Jake's number, could she really do this? God, she hated doing this over the phone but he didn't deserve to get a face to face break up. Her hand shook uneasily as she pressed the call button and held the phone to her ear, her heart hammering. She was going to finish with him, but even after what he had done she couldn't help but be upset after all the time they had spent together it was only natural right? She sighed and smiled slightly as it went straight to voicemail. Perfect. She breathed in deeply and started as the beep sounded in her ear. 

"Um Hi Jake It's Marissa…I don't really know how to say this so I guess I'll just come out with it…" She said shakily, pausing to catch her breath. She looked around and felt tears sting in her eyes…Stop it, she urged herself. Why was she crying over him?

"It's over, I can't stay with you. I know what you've been doing in France, there's pictures everywhere. How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me? But to tell you the truth, I'm glad. I finally get to escape and live my own life without you checking up on me, getting jealous if I so much as make eye contact with a guy. I'm sorry…no wait I'm not sorry, you should be. Don't bother calling me back, I don't want to talk to you. I'll tell Ryan to forget the new house. I'm not going anywhere with you. I thought you were different but in the end , you're the same as every other sleaze bag out there. Goodbye Jake…" She finished holding back tears and keeping her voice steady, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he could make her cry. She hung up and set the phone down with shaking hands and rested her head in her hands letting the tears flow freely now. God she was so stupid…how could she cry over him? She thought desperately, scrunching her delicate hands into small, shaking fists. She didn't want to feel like this, she wanted to be happy. Happy that she was finally back with Ryan, where she belonged. But she still did love Jake, granted not in the way she loved Ryan but she loved him none the less and he had betrayed her. She had a right to be upset didn't she?

She sighed shakily as the tears continued to flow freely. She smiled slightly as she remembered all the good times they had shared. When they first met at his film premier, going away together, the kisses, the nights spent together…but then there was the other times, the arguments, jealous rages, shouting, the little digs that made her feel so insignificant and the one thing that Ryan would never do…the time he had hit her. She knew after it had happened she should have just left him and walked out but he had seemed so sincere when he said he was sorry and she knew he wouldn't do it again.

She looked up and wiped her eyes, sniffing and straightened herself up. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction, she wasn't going to cry anymore over him. She was with Ryan know, the man she loved, who treated her right and loved her in return. She was finally where she belonged, with the perfect guy.

There was a soft knock at the door and she looked up wiping her eyes furiously before whispering a soft come in. The door opened slowly spilling light into the dimly lit room. Ryan stood in the doorway holding two steaming mugs and smiling nervously. Marissa smiled as she felt her heart swell, she loved him so much. Maybe things were finally going to be okay. He sat down on the bed next to her and handed her a mug.

"I got you some hot chocolate, I know it's your favourite…Are you okay?" He asked softly as she looked towards him and smiled weakly. She looked down at the swirling brown liquid then drew her gaze back up to Ryan's.

"I am now…" She whispered.

* * *

Seth collapsed down onto the bed next to Summer and sighed tracing his fingers softly over Summer's tanned, smooth stomach. She smiled slightly and met Seth's gaze. 

"You okay?" She asked softly. Seth nodded still looking down at her stomach before meeting her chocolate brown eyes.

"Yeah I was just thinking of baby names…"He said with a smile and Summer rolled her eyes in exaggeration.

"Uh oh, there better not be anymore Thor's or…Ezekiel's in there." She said warningly as she sat up and crossed her legs. Seth grinned and shook his head.

"What's wrong with Ezekiel? It's a great name for a boy." He said indignantly. Summer couldn't help but smile as she looked into Seth's face.

"Yeah getting past that…so what were you thinking of?" She asked seriously, leaning back against the pillows and resting her hand on her stomach. Seth leant back, following suit and looked up at the ceiling.

" I was thinking of Matthew, you know after your cousin…if it's too weird for you then that's fine it's just…I…I thought." He babbled trailing off as Summer smiled tearfully remembering her 12 year old cousin, she pressed a finger to his lips and silenced him. Tears welling in her eyes as she smiled and leant closer.

"I love it…baby Matt…" She said looking down at her stomach and smiling happily, Seth smiled and leant in, kissing her softly and lovingly.

* * *

Jake looked down at his phone and read the message alert. He looked out the window and groaned as he saw the gathering paparazzi shouting and flashing their cameras. There was no way Marissa didn't know, great. He had screwed things up and now his career would probably go down the pan as well. He dialled voicemail and listened the stiff, recorded voice tell him he had one message. He opened it and listened thinking desperately of how to get his way out of this one… 

"Um Hi Jake It's Marissa…I don't really know how to say this so I guess I'll just come out with it…"

He felt a feeling of dread creep over him, this was it. It was over. He heard her breathing shakily down the line and closed his eyes. He knew what to do…he knew how to get out of this.

"It's over, I can't stay with you. I know what you've been doing in France, there's pictures everywhere. How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me? But to tell you the truth, I'm glad. I finally get to escape and live my own life without you checking up on me, getting jealous if I so much as make eye contact with a guy. I'm sorry…no wait I'm not sorry, you should be. Don't bother calling me back, I don't want to talk to you. I'll tell Ryan to forget the new house. I'm not going anywhere with you. I thought you were different but in the end , you're the same as every other sleaze bag out there. Goodbye Jake…"

She was obviously upset…there was still a chance he could get her back but he needed a plane ticket to New York…

* * *

A/N again sorry for the length but I've been really busy and it's better than nothing right?...right? Oh...aaanywho I hoped you liked it, next part chocka full of drama! 

Next Time: Jake returns to New York, Seth speculates over Ryan and Marissa getting back together, Marissa bonds with Ellie and Jake finds Marissa in a rather compromising situation which causes sparks...and fists to fly


	17. I'm with Ryan now

A/N Right guys! Do you know what time it is? POSTING TIME! YAY, so this is basically the part where it all kicks off! please I really need you guys to review this part because I am really self-conscious about action scenes...I really struggle with them which is why this took so long! I need you guys to tell me if it stinks or not and give me any advice because I really struggle with action scenes! Eeeek, you'll probably think it's terrible but oh well the drama is good anyway. Jake is even more evil, if he could get any worse so enjoy this! It's butt kicking time! please review and tell me what you think! P.S Thanks for your reviews, I really appreciate it!

* * *

Ryan smiled across at Marissa as he opened the front door his heart hammering. They had agreed not to tell everyone yet, they would give things a little time. Wait for the Jake thing to blow over. Anyway as Marissa had said…"it was more exciting if it was a secret." Plus there was all the press to deal with. He stepped into the familiar hallway and Marissa followed him close behind looking around. He could feel her presence at his side and he smiled inwardly, he couldn't help it. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt like this…except for when he was with her. Maybe things were actually looking up for once. He looked around the large empty hallway and listened for any noise. Usually when he walked in he heard Summer yelling or Seth shouting at the playstation. He looked across at Marissa who shrugged and slipped her hand in his and smiled slightly. 

"Maybe we have the place to ourselves." She whispered huskily, he grinned and leant in closer their lips inches apart.

"I hope so." He whispered with a smile, she felt his breath flutter across her face with a tickle and she felt tingles shoot down her spine. Their faces inches slowly closer and their lips brushed softly ready to form a passionate kiss when a yell caused them to shoot apart quickly.

" SETH!" A voice they both recognised as Summer's cut through the silence harshly. Ryan raised his eyebrows across at Marissa who shrugged. They walked further into the hallway, Marissa's heels clicking against the hard marble floors. Suddenly Summer stomped down the stairs angrily, her face slightly flushed and her hands balled into fists at her sides. She didn't seem to notice Ryan and Marissa standing there as she hurried down the stairs muttering profanities under her breath. It was not until she reached the bottom of the staircase that she looked up and saw Ryan and Marissa standing there. She looked up and her scowl lifted and was replaced by a smile.

"Hey guys!" She said brightly her mood changing totally in a split second as it so often did. She smiled at them but watched them carefully at the same time. They had been gone all night and Seth had bothered her all morning with his theories about them getting back together. They both looked happier, but had they really got back together? This soon…She pushed the thought aside and walked over to Marissa and pulled her into a warm hug.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly as she stood on tiptoes and hugged her friend tightly. Marissa nodded and drew back.

"Yeah…I think so and so you don't have to dodge the topic and be all awkward I know about Jake and I finished with him this morning." She said quickly as she noticed Summer open her mouth and she knew her well enough to know she was about to bring it up. Summer looked relieved and turned to Ryan.

"Hey Ry…I think you better go and see Ellie, she was asking for you this morning. Now I need to go and find Cohen and go rage blackout on his hiney." She said looking around determinedly. Ryan and Marissa exchanged confused glances and Ryan turned to Summer.

"Um…hiney?" He questioned with a smile playing at the corner of his lips. Summer turned back to Ryan and grinned embarrassedly.

"Oh, we're not swearing in front of the baby…they can be influenced at an early age you know?" She said knowingly before walking off shouting Seth's name loudly, fists clenched once more. Marissa laughed and Ryan grinned and headed towards the stairs.

"I'm just going to check on Ellie…you wanna come?" He asked leaning against the banister as he turned to face her with a smile that made her heart melt. She couldn't help but smile back and walked towards him.

"Sure, she's so cute!...She obviously doesn't get that from you though." She teased playfully running up the stairs as Ryan gasped in mock indignation and chased after her.

"Looks like we should have named you the Bitch instead of the beauty." He said remembering that night in LA, it felt like a hundred years ago. He chased her up the stairs and pulled her towards him tickling her down the sides of her stomach, where he knew it always made her cry with laughter. She shrieked and fell back into his embrace laughing as he laughed with her, his heart hammering as he looked down into her deep blue eyes. She stopped laughing and looked up into his eyes turning around so her body was facing his. Ryan cleared his throat and drew back as he heard Ellie crying and Marissa swallowed and looked away shivering at his touch. He took her hand and leed her through to the room both disappointed at what they had just missed out on. Ryan opened the door to his daughter's bedroom wishing Ellie could have cried just that second later…just a second. He stepped into the pink room and saw his daughter gripping onto the bed rails he had attached to her bed to stop her rolling out of it, and crying. When she saw Ryan emerge in the doorway her crying slowed a little but she sniffled and reached her hands out as a sign for him to pick her up. He reached out and pulled her from the bed and rested her on his hip and rocked her gently as Marissa watched from the doorway in awe, she didn't even know how to hold a kid let alone stop one crying.

"Hey, hey…ssshh it's okay. Daddy's here. What's all this fuss about?" He asked softly as Ellie sniffled and rested her head on Ryan's shoulder sucking her thumb. Marissa smiled, and caught Ellie's bright blue eyes…Ryan's eyes. The toddler smiled and waved, pulling her thumb from her mouth. Marissa waved back and Ryan turned around still rocking Ellie.

" I'm going to take her downstairs into the playroom, would you mind watching her for a few minutes while I call the office?" He asked feeling bad for just dumping his daughter on her. Marissa nodded with a smile.

"Sure! Hey Ellie do you want to show me some of your toys?" She asked softly. Ellie smiled and nodded her thumb now back in her mouth. Ryan grinned and handed Ellie over to Marissa who took her gently, slightly nervous. Oh god…she thought to herself worriedly…what If I drop her? She held her close to her and started to smile as she got used to it. This wasn't so hard, she thought. Maybe her natural instincts were taking over. Ryan couldn't help but smile as he watched Marissa rock his daughter gently. This was how he had wanted things to be…him and Marissa and a family together. He knew he was getting ahead of himself and they had only just gotten back together but still, this could work. He thought happily. Realising he has just been standing there the whole time he snapped out of it and looked over to Marissa.

"Um well, I've just got to make some calls…I'll be back in a minute. You know where the playroom is right?" He asked as he headed for the door. Marissa smiled and nodded shifting Ellie further up her hip as she gradually slipped lower. Ryan grinned and left the room leaving Marissa with Ellie. She looked down at the small child in her arms and sighed nervously.

"Right, let's go and see your toys then!" She said brightly as Ellie smiled back.

* * *

Jake stared out of the small, round plane window as the ground got closer and closer. His ears popping as the plane descended rapidly he looked down at the lights of JFK airport and smiled. He knew he still had a chance, he could still get her back. She always swallowed his apologies and forgave him in the end, it was only a matter of explaining and "but I love you"s until she would forgive him again, just like she had all those other times. He smiled to himself and ate another handful of peanuts before working out exactly what he was going to say…This was going to be so easy, he thought 

He didn't know how wrong he was…

* * *

Marissa sat Ellie down on the carpet next to her as she reached into the large box of toys that stood in the corner of the small, toy-filled, slightly messy room. 

"This is my favouwite toy." She said pulling out a large, slightly battered share bear as she held it out proudly showing Marissa. Marissa felt a smile light across her face as she remembered the share bear she owned…

"It's Shear Bear!" She said brightly as Ellie nodded happily and tucked the teddy under her arm and took out a few Barbie's from her brightly coloured toybox and held one out to Marissa.

"You know…I used to have a share bear when I was little." Marissa said taking the Barbie from Ellie's small hand and looking down at it remembering all the dolls she had used to play with.

"Really? My Mommy bought it for me…before she had to go away." Ellie said brushing the dolls' hair. Marissa swallowed and chewed on her bottom lip nervously…what did she say to that? God why was she worrying about a conversation with a 3 year old? She could just change the topic and she would never even notice! Still she couldn't help but wonder, did she remember anything about her mum? Oh wait of course not, she left when she was a baby. What had Ryan told her? That she had just left?

" So how many dolls have you got?" Marissa asked as Ellie continued to brush her doll's hair clumsily.

"Lot's! you wanna play?" She asked and Marissa smiled and nodded…This wasn't so hard afterall.

Ryan watched from the doorway with a smile on his face, he heard footsteps behind him and turned around to find Seth creeping melodramatically behind him with his finger pressed tightly to his lips. Ryan has seen this too many times to count.

"Hiding from Summer again?" He asked turning to face Seth who stopped in mid step and nodded.

"Yeah. So…what's the deal with you and Marissa?" He asked stepping away from the door as Ryan followed suit making sure Marissa wouldn't hear the conversation. He sighed and walked across the hall with Seth behind him.

"Um…okay, If I tell you this you can't tell anyone okay?" He said warningly as Seth's face lit up at the thought of secrets.

"Of course I won't. You know you can trust me with your secrets!" He said innocently as Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Sure, like that time I made you promise not to tell Kirsten I broke that vase, then you did because she thought it was you, like that time you told everyone in my office that I liked Sarah the intern when I told you not to, like that time…" He listed off but was cut short by Seth rolling his eyes dramatically.

"Okay, okay so I don't have the best track record but look…I promise I won't tell anyone! Scout's honour." He said making the sign with his hands and putting on his best puppy dog eyes. Ryan couldn't help but grin and give in.

"Well um…you know last night? Well, me and Marissa kind have might of, sorta got back together…" He said feeling himself turning red as a large grin spread across his face. Ryan chewed on his bottom lip nervously waiting for Seth's reaction.

"I KNEW IT!" He yelled grinning as Ryan smiled back as Seth did a little dance.

"Summer owes me 5 bucks…Summer owes me 5 bucks." He sang happily to himself as Ryan watched frowning slightly but grinning at the same time. His song was interrupted by a yell…

"COHEN!"

Seth stopped in mid jig and his expression froze and Ryan's grin widened.

"I gotta go!" Seth said hurriedly getting ready to run, Ryan made a whipping noise and Seth scowled back at him before scooting around the corner.

Ryan watched Summer un past him shouting Seth's name and shook his head before going back to check on Marissa.

* * *

Later...

Marissa let her robe slide neatly off her body and land, pooled around her ankles. She smiled seductively at Ryan who sat on the bed his mouth hanging open. She stepped slowly forward closer towards Ryan as he looked up at her with wide eyes and a small smile on his face. His gaze travelled over her long, tanned, slender body and he gently ran his hand down her midriff feeling his heart pumping faster and faster. She slid down onto the bed next to him and kissed him softly, their lips meeting and her tongue slipping gently over his. He slipped his arms around her slim waist and she wrapped her delicate arms around his neck, feeling the warmth of his body against hers. They kissed hungrily as Marissa skilfully unhooked her lacy black bra. Ryan smiled into her mouth and reached over to the nightstand looking up into Marissa's face as her golden hair shone in the dim lamp light, her eyes sparkled and she smiled. He turned off the light plunging the room into darkness. He could feel her body pressed against his and he kissed her passionately never wanting to leave this moment. Just him and her, together.

Marissa moaned planted a row of kisses down the inside of Ryan's neck, she loved him so much it hurt and she just couldn't imagine ever being without him again. As they slipped under the covers she could tell he was smiling and smiled back through the darkness as she felt his soft touch and tingles danced across her skin. She had missed being able to do this without someone asking her to, pressurizing her. She had missed actually wanting to do this and someone wanting to do it because they loved her…she had missed Ryan.

* * *

Jake looked up at the large, beautiful house in front of him and smiled as he rang on the doorbell. He was going to get her back and no one was going to stand in his way. The door slowly opened revealing a medium height, pretty brunette who he recognised from somewhere. He frowned slightly, maybe it was this Atwood guy's girlfriend. She looked him up and down and began to scowl heavily. 

"What are **you** doing here?" She demanded with distaste. He disliked her immediately.

"I need to see Marissa, she is staying here right?" He asked peering behind her. She pulled the door shut a little more and glared at him.

"Yes she is staying here but she doesn't want to see YOU so I suggest you turn around and crawl right back under the slimy rock you came from you dirty cheating pig." She said angrily. Jake glared back at her clenching his fists, who was she to talk to him like that? He pushed his anger back down and forced a smile.

"Look I need to talk to her and it's not up to you to decide who she sees." He said gritting his teeth with rage. The girl didn't back down though.

"It is when it's scum like you."

Okay that was it, he thought. He shoved the door causing her to stumble back a few steps and for the door to swing wide open and hit the side of the wall with a bang. The brunette stared up at him in surprise which was quickly replaced by anger again as he strode through the hallway.

"Marissa?" He yelled. Summer couldn't believe him, he was just marching in here! What a pig, how had Marissa ever dated him?

"Seth! Ryan!" She yelled loudly trying to mask the fear that was building inside her she needed someone and she needed them now. She didn't stand a chance against keeping him out! Jake spun around to face her his eyes full of anger.

"Shut up, where is she?" He asked angrily, gripping her arm hard. Summer felt her eyes watering as the pain in her arm intensified…where was everyone? She thought desperately as Jake gripped her arm harder. If his grip got any tighter she thought her arm might break, she knew better than to scream…She choked on the words as they came tumbling out of her mouth…

"U…upstairs." She whispered her voice shaking as tears started in her eyes. Jake smiled a sick greasy smile and let her go. She felt a wave of nausea pass over her and she stumbled back trembling from head to toe. Jake turned his back on her and started up the stairs as Summer started to cry…she felt warm hot tears course down her cheeks as she watched him disappear up the staircase. She had to get someone and get someone now…before something terrible happened.

Jake took the stairs two at a time ignoring the stitch forming in his side, he chewed on his bottom lip apprehensively as he reached a all with several doors branching off. Great, he thought to himself. He had to do it quickly before that little cow downstairs called the cops or something. Striding forward he yanked open the first door to reveal an empty guest bedroom. He sighed, this was going to take forever but he didn't care. He needed to make her see sense. He continued along the hallway yanking the heavy doors open as he went until he reached double doors…the last one he thought with a twisted smile upon his face. She had to be in here.

* * *

Seth walked out into the hallway glad to escape his parent's make out session that was taking place in the kitchen, he was surprised his eyes hadn't melted by now. He started to whistle 'Sound of Settling' by Death cab when he saw Summer standing by the stairs. He stopped in mid-whistle and stared at her back for a few seconds. 

"Hey Sum, you owe me 5 bucks!" He said cheerfully. He received no reply from Summer and walked slowly closer, he saw her trembling and could hear her sniffing. He suddenly felt a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he drew closer.

"Summer?" He asked gently placing a hand on her shaking shoulder. She spun around to face him, her eyes were red and bloodshot and tears were coursing steadily down her face. She was holding her arm up to her chest. She saw Seth in front of her and felt a fresh wave of sobs rush up to the surface. Feeling the horrible sinking feeling heighten, Seth pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly, she buried her face in his chest and cried.

"Summer what's wrong?...What is it?" He asked softly, gently pulling away so she could look up and face him. She took a breath but it hitched slightly in her throat as another tear fell from her chestnut eyes.

"It…It's Jake, he…he was at the door and…he…he wanted t…to speak to Marissa and…I wouldn't l..l..let him in so he pushed me…out the way and now he's gone upstairs looking for Marissa…and…I think he's gonna do something stupid…he…he looked so angry and…" She trailed off into fresh sobs and Seth looked up the stairs the horrible feeling intensifying by the second…Ryan was up there with Marissa. Oh holy crp on a stick, he thought to himself. He gripped Summer by the shoulders and looked squarely into her eyes, she looked up at him, her eyes full of tears and her breath coming in shaky gasps. She just felt so weak and useless, she had just let him in and now he could be doing god knows what up there to her friend!

"Summer, I need you to call the cops okay? I'm gonna go and get Dad and you need to stay calm for me okay? This isn't your fault…" He said softly. Summer nodded weakly, sometimes it seemed as if Seth could read her mind. She loved him so much. Feeling marginally better about herself she walked shakily over to the phone and began to dial 911. She just hoped Marissa was okay and that that creep wasn't going to do anything stupid…Suddenly as the phone began to ring she realised…where was Ryan?

* * *

Marissa rested her head on Ryan's bare chest and sighed contentedly as he stroked her hair softly. She smiled to herself as she listened to the steady beating of his heart. She could just stay here forever. Ryan felt the soft silkiness of her hair beneath his fingers and smiled. Just the feeling of her skin against his was enough to make goose-bumps rise on his flesh. He loved her so much, and it wasn't until now that he truly realised what he had been missing out on those 4 years they were apart. He would never let her go again. Suddenly the sound of rattling at the doorknob jerked him from his thoughts. He looked down at Marissa and met her sparkling blue eyes. She looked back it him her heart pumping…good thing they had locked the door. She thought. 

"Who is it?" Ryan called out, sitting up in bed and ruffling his hair as Marissa silently slid out of the bed and reached for her robe. There was no answer…Marissa glanced across at Ryan her expression uncertain, he shrugged and pulled on his boxers and a pair of jeans. Cautiously he made his way over to the door and placed his hand on the handle. Marissa pulled her robe tighter around herself, being away from Ryan she had just noticed the cold. She rubbed her arms and watched and Ryan slowly opened the door…

"Jake?" Marissa stammered incredulously, her stomach tightening and her heart hammering. Ryan looked up at Jake and then back across at Marissa as Jake furiously surveyed the situation. He looked between the barely dressed Marissa, the un-made bed then to the shirtless Ryan who stood in front of him…He felt anger bubble up deep inside of him and he balled his hands into fists at his sides. Marissa's eyes widened in terror, she had seen that expression before and nothing good ever came of it.

She felt tears sting in her eyes and she rushed to Ryan's side and looked up at Jake who seemed to be struggling with his words…

"Marissa I…" He started but trailed off, he looked back to Ryan and swallowed hard. So this was how it was, she was with him now…had she been with him the whole time? He looked down at Marissa's hand and found it linked with Ryan's. He closed his eyes briefly and opened them again forcing back the anger that was threatening to burst out of him. How dare she…

"What are you doing here Jake?" Marissa asked coldly, glaring at him and wondering at the same time who had let him in. She felt Ryan squeeze her hand gently and she smiled inwardly. With Ryan by her side she wasn't scared of Jake anymore. Jake sneered at her and looked back at Ryan and then back to Marissa.

"What do you think? I came to get you back." He said silkily with a sickly smile on his face. Marissa snorted and Ryan frowned slightly. She couldn't believe he actually had the nerve to show up here and actually think he could get her back! She wasn't going to let him walk all over her anymore. Ryan shifted slightly feeling really awkward, he was just standing there like an idiot whilst they were talking about things that had nothing to do with him. But he had to stay here, he had to be there for Marissa and make sure nothing happened to her. He didn't trust this Jake guy…

"You really actually think you can get me back? I don't want you back Jake. I'm happy without you." She said watching Jake's smile falter.

" I'm with Ryan now."

* * *

Seth walked slowly into the kitchen and was glad to see that Sandy and Kirsten were no longer in mid makeout session but Kirsten was giving Ellie some lunch. Sandy looked up and grinned at his son. 

"Um Dad…there's a little problem" Seth started gaining his mother and father's attention, but Ellie continued to giggle and slop food down her front.

"What is it son?" Sandy asked warily.

"Well it seems Marissa's boyfriend Jake stopped by and got a little angry and…in a nutshell basically broke in and is now upstairs looking for Marissa who I think…might be with Ryan." Seth said quickly knowing he couldn't waste any time babbling. Sandy raised a bushy eyebrow and looked across at Kirsten.

"Have you called the police?" He asked quickly and Seth nodded.

"Summer's on the phone now."

Sandy nodded silently.

"Okay then, Kirsten stay with Ellie. Seth come with me." He said taking control of the situation and leading Seth out of the room. As they were leaving Kirsten piped up.

"Sandy?...Be careful." She warned softly, Sandy nodded and shot her a brief smile before leaving with Seth.

* * *

Jake opened his mouth slightly but closed it again shooting another glare across at Ryan who just stared stonily back. Marissa squeezed Ryan's hand and smiled in satisfaction at Jake who just stood there looking angrily at the pair of them. 

"So your with **him**?" He asked throwing a glance in Ryan's direction. Ryan forced down the bubble of anger that was threatening to burst. Marissa nodded proudly her heart hammering in her chest, she refused to show the fear that was beneath the surface. She knew what Jake could do but she had to show him, show him that she wasn't scared and that he couldn't walk all over her.

"Yes I am Jake, and I love him. He treats me right which is more than you ever did." She retorted her voice shaking ever so slightly. Jake snorted which made Ryan's anger rise. This guy was really irritating him now…

"Your telling me your in love with this guy? You've known him for what like…5 minutes?" He said cold. Marissa rolled her eyes.

"I've known him for longer than I've known you, I've known him since I was 16. We were engaged when we were 20!" She spat angrily. Jake stared at her and then looked at Ryan in confusion who was staring at the floor wishing the ground would just swallow him up right now. Jake felt his fists shaking as he looked at Marissa who was smiling cruelly, she had a right to rub this in his face but…she had lied to him. No one lies to him and gets away with it.

"You were engaged? What happened then? Wasn't she good enough for you." He sneered at Ryan who was fighting to keep his temper, not for Jake's sake, for Marissa…

"Shut it, can't you take a hint? It's over okay? Now get out of my house." He warned his blazing blue eyes flashing dangerously. Jake smirked and rolled his eyes.

"You heard him Jake, get out. It's over, I love Ryan and he loves me. He treats me right which is more than you ever did." She said harshly just wishing he would get out and leave them both alone. Why did he have to come and ruin everything. That was it, Jake had had enough of this. He wasn't going to stand there and take this from that little…

Jake lunged forward his fist raised and his other hand grabbing Marissa firmly by the shoulder. Ryan felt something snap inside him as tears burst from Marissa's eyes and she let out a whimper. Not caring what would happen to him, only what would happen to Marissa he threw himself at Jake's midriff knocking the wind clean out of him and causing him to let go of Marissa abruptly. They both fell backwards into the wall with a crunch. Ryan's eyes were blazing with fury whilst Jake's were cold and malevolent…dangerous.

Dimly Ryan was aware of Marissa shrieking but the next thing he saw was a fist coming straight at is face, it hit him squarely in the jaw causing pain to lance through his whole face like fire. He evaded Jake's next clumsy blow and aimed one at Jake's eye. It hit the target causing Jake to grunt with pain, Ryan withdrew his hand his knuckles stinging and turning red. He shoved Jake hard and Jake shoved angrily back before throwing a swift blow to Ryan's stomach. Ryan reeled backwards trying to draw breath but was unable as the air rushed from his lungs and his stomach ached dully. He stumbled back into the door and Jake rushed at him angrily. He could hear Marissa screaming for them to stop and her sobs…it broke his heart to hear her like that. He quickly ducked out of the way causing Jake to hit the door with a sickening crunch allowing time for Ryan to regain his composure, his stomach aching and his face still throbbing angrily. He ran his tongue over his teeth just to check they were all there and tasted the familiar coppery, metallic liquid in his mouth. He quickly threw two carefully positioned punches to the face and torso causing Jake to stumble back.

Marissa watched in horror as the two men struggled with each other, she couldn't watch each time Ryan got hit…why had she let this happen. Everything had been going perfectly but once again things were ruined. She looked out into the hallway and saw Seth and Sandy running up the stairs. They caught her tearfilled gaze and then looked back to Ryan and Jake who were rolling on the floor…Another tear glided slowly down her face as she rubbed the place on her arm where Jake had grabbed her…Come on Ryan, she urged silently. Just end this. Please.

Ryan found himself on top of Jake and drew his fist back poised to strike but Jake caught Ryan's fist easily and gripped it hard, Ryan struggled to free it but Jake's grip was too tight. He gave his hand a swift jerk causing a snap like a gunshot to fill the air and fire lanced up Ryan's entire arm, he groaned in agony as Jake released his hand and his eyes watered. He pounded Jake hard with his uninjured arm until Jake let out a painful grunt and his body went limp…

As Marissa heard the snap of Ryan's arm she whimpered and felt a wave of nausea sweep over her…when she opened her eyes Jake was lying unconscious on the floor and Ryan had rolled sideways cradling his injured hand and breathing heavily.

Seth and Sandy rushed over as she stood there rooted to the spot…why did everything have to go wrong? She thought desperately as the tears flowed faster and faster…

* * *

A/N so...was it as bad as I think it is? Let me know! Sorry about the cheesey fight scene but as you already know I really can't write action! Lol I prefer angsty drama, heartbreak and romance and a little comedy! But gimme advice and tell me what you though. Jake really is a pig isn't he? Please review! 

Next Time: The police arrive and Marissa apologises to Ryan. Jake is arrested (does happy dance) and news of Ryan and Marissa's relationship hits the press...again

Lo, that sound good enough for you? Review and I post!

Rach X


	18. I've waited long enough

_A/N Sorry for the wait guys! I had serious writer's block with this post, I just couldn't write it or get it to flow so it doesn't start that well but I actually started to know what I was doing towards the end! So the second half is a lot better! I really hope you like it! Just to warn you, I am back at school next week so posting will probably be less frequent as I am starting my GCSEs and will have a ton of homework and coursework to do. Also this part is quite short so sorry if I disappoint you but the next one will hopefully be a lot longer! I found this really hard to write so please be nice and review! Thanks guys!

* * *

_

R_y_an gritted his teeth against the fiery pain that throbbed in his wrist as he cradled his arm close to his chest, rolling away from Jake's unconscious form that lay next to him not moving. He was dimly aware of Seth kneeling next to him and asking him something but the words never reached him, all he was thinking about was Marissa. Frantically he looked around him, looking for any sign of her. Was she okay? He felt someone shaking his shoulder but he shrugged them off causing another bout of pain to lance through his arm and making his eyes water slightly. Then he saw her standing in the doorway, tears were pouring steadily down her cheeks and she was sobbing uncontrollably. She met his pain filled gaze and took a tentative step towards him.

Marissa felt sob after sob rack her body causing her chest to heave with each ragged breath. She looked down at Ryan who was sitting up, cradling his arm and staring at her whilst Sandy and Seth frantically asked him if he was okay. As she looked into his intense, blue eyes it felt like they were the only two people in the world. Jake wasn't lying unconscious a few feet away, Seth and Sandy weren't kneeling next to Ryan…it was just them. She shook herself out of her semi-catatonic state and immediately rushed over to Ryan her heart pounding.

"Ryan." She whispered tearfully as she knelt in front of him Seth and Sandy watching in hope that she could get Ryan to actually say something. Since they had been trying he had just been staring at her the whole time. Ryan looked up hearing Marissa's voice and smiled weakly before it faded from his face...

"I…I'm sorry." He stammered as she cast a brief look over to Jake's still figure. She fixed her large sapphire eyes back on his and looked at him despairingly.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry okay? You didn't do anything wrong, you saved me from that…that pig." She said casting a filthy look over to Jake. Ryan smiled slightly and fell silent. Seth looked towards his brother his hands shaking slightly. He couldn't get the sound of his arm snapping out of his head, he could just hear it over and over…

"Are you okay man?" He asked softly not taking his eyes off his brother's face, he could already see a nasty bruise forming under his eye. It had been a while since one…he was suddenly reminded of all the times in Newport. He smiled slightly and Ryan nodded but grimaced as the pain in his arm intensified. Seth raised an eyebrow challenging him and Ryan sighed.

"I guess not." He admitted with a weary smile. Sandy grinned and patted him on the back gently.

"Looks like you haven't lost your touch." Sandy said nodding his head towards Jake. Everyone smiled, in the distance sirens could be heard drawing gradually closer and getting louder as they went. Sandy stood up and looked out the window watching as a police car drew up outside the house. He looked back towards Ryan and Marissa who were hugging and smiled faintly.

"I'll go and deal with the cops okay?" He said giving Ryan a warm smile. They nodded and Sandy hurried down the stairs leaving Ryan, Marissa, Seth and an unconscious Jake upstairs.

"This is so screwed up." Ryan mumbled to himself.

"Well hey, it wouldn't be a Cohen family gathering without some kind of scandal!" Seth said with a grin as he helped Ryan up. Voices could be heard from downstairs and Ryan felt himself growing nervous…what if he was arrested? He couldn't do that to Ellie…it wouldn't be fair. Oh why did he have to screw things up all the time? Breathing heavily through the pain in his arm he looked across at Marissa who tried to shoot him a reassuring smile. He could hear footsteps growing closer as they edged up the stairs and Jake stirred slightly letting out a low groan. Ryan felt panic sear through him, it was going to be okay. He felt Marissa grip his good arm tightly as police officers arrived at the top of the stairway closely followed by Sandy. They surveyed the scene quickly before stepping over towards Ryan as the other officer quickly cuffed Jake as he began to wake up.

"Excuse me? Are you Ryan Atwood?" The officer asked quickly, Ryan looked up and nodded not able to find his voice.

"Okay well your father told us roughly what happened but we're going to have to ask you to write a formal statement, the same goes for the rest of you. I see no reason for you to come down to the station but it would be better if we had the statements now…then I think you should get that arm checked out." The officer said grimacing slightly as he looked at Ryan's now swollen arm.

Ryan nodded and the police officer started to talk into his walkie talkie. Marissa slipped her hands into Ryan's and gave it a small squeeze, he looked across at her his heart pounding and smiled weakly.

"Thanks" She whispered softly.

"For saving me"

* * *

"…Then I knocked him out and you came." Ryan finished as the cop quickly wrote down what he was saying. He finished his sentence and looked up at Ryan.

"Okay so that's it, um all you need to do now is sign it but…by the looks of your hand that might not be too easy." He said with a slight smile as he looked down at Ryan's arm. Ryan smiled and reached out for the pen with his left hand.

"I guess I'll just have to try left handed then…" He said carefully trying to scribble a messy signature. He handed the form back to the officer who nodded and made towards the door.

"You better get that checked out now…get someone to drive you." He said opening the door and leaving Ryan alone in his room. The door opened again and Marissa edged in nervously shooting him a small smile.

"Hey." She whispered before sitting down on the bed next to him, the mattress dipping slightly with her small weight.

"How's your hand?" She asked.

"Hurts like hell…um, would you mind taking me down to the hospital if that's okay?" He asked looking back at her, she smiled and brushed his hair from his eyes lovingly.

"Of course I'll take you, as long as you don't start checking out all the nurses." She teased as he feigned a look of indignation.

"Me? What on earth would give you that idea?...I'll just go check on Ellie first okay?" He said kissing her swiftly on the lips. She kissed him back lovingly before following him out of the room.

* * *

Summer looked up as Seth entered the room his hands in his pocket, she wiped her eyes and forced a weak smile as Seth drew slowly closer. He smiled and sat down next to Summer on the couch and wrapped his arms around her delicate shoulders. She relaxed into his arms and rested her head on his chest sniffing slightly.

"Is Ryan okay?" She asked softly keep her gaze fixed on the rug in front of her. Seth swallowed and nodded.

"Yeah, I think his arm might be broken but he's okay…what about you?" He asked rubbing her back gently. She sighed and forced back the tears that she could feel prickling at her eyes. She wasn't okay…

"No…I just can't help thinking that this whole thing is my fault! I shouldn't have let him come in! Now because of me Ryan's got a broken arm!" She cried starting to sob again. Seth's eyes widened slightly, how could she think this was her fault? He tightened his embrace and shushed her gently.

"Summer none of this is your fault…you wouldn't have stood a chance against Jake, if he wanted to come in he was going to get in one way or another. None of this is your fault okay? So I don't want you beating yourself up about it. It's just unlucky that you were the one to answer the door…if it was me then, he'd still be lying on the driveway right now." He said with a grin. Summer smiled and laughed slightly slipping her arms around Seth's waist.

"With your chicken arms?" She said laughing and wiping her eyes. Seth grinned and kissed the top of her head gently.

"I love you Cohen." She whispered softly. Seth shifted closer and looked into Summer's watery hazel eyes.

"I love you too Summer."

Suddenly Summer pulled away from Seth with a little shriek and looked down at her stomach.

"The baby kicked! Quick put your hand on my stomach!" She said happily grabbing Seth's hand and pressing it towards her stomach. Seth felt a small push against his hands and he felt his heart swell…that was his son in there. He felt a smile creep across his face and he looked across at Summer her eyes shining with happiness.

"Looks like he's gonna be a little soccer player." Seth said happily, Summer grinned tears sparkling in her eyes.

"Matthew Ezekiel Cohen." She whispered happily. Seth looked at her in surprise his eyes wide.

"Ezekiel? You're going to have his middle name as Ezekiel?" He asked incredulously and Summer nodded happily.

"Yeah, I figured we could have a name from my family and one from yours and…it's a good middle name to use when he's in trouble. I've heard your parents use it enough times." She said happily. Seth grinned and hugged Summer tightly before kissing her gently, she slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately, her heart thumping and the baby still kicking…

* * *

"…You'll have to take these twice a day, preferably with a meal. If they're not strong enough come back and we'll arrange some stronger medication. I've scheduled an appointment in about 6 weeks for you to have the cast removed. You may have to have some physio afterwards but I can't see it coming to that. It should heal well enough." The doctor finished handing Ryan the bag of medication and smiling. Ryan nodded and took the bag from him and shook his hand with his left hand.

"Thanks very much." He said edging towards the door, he couldn't wait to get out of here. He hated hospitals. The doctor held the door open for him and Ryan gave one last wave before walking out the room to join Marissa who was waiting outside reading an out of date cosmo magazine with her face on the front. She dropped the magazine and smiled at him.

"Oooh nice cast, can I sign it later?" She asked teasingly eyeing up Ryan's Blue cast. He grinned and slipped his good arm around her waist. They tried not to notice the stares they were receiving as they made their way down the corridor towards the exit.

"So I was thinking…since your going to be staying on a uh…um more permanent basis would you um…I was thinking maybe you could get the rest of your stuff from storage and move it into the house?" He stammered nervously looking across at her. He was so cute when he was nervous, she thought happily as a smile crept across her face.

"Really? I'd love to…but I have a better idea, how about I move it into your room." She said softly smiling slightly as she watched Ryan turn to face her a smile curling at the corner of his lips.

"That does sound like a good idea…then you'd be there to nurse me back to health." He said huskily with a wink. Marissa giggled and pressed herself closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder as they walked out of the automatic doors.

"I like the sound of that, how about a sponge bath when we get home?" She whispered into his ear, her breath tickling his ear. His grin widened as they walked towards the car.

"Definitely…nurse Cooper."

* * *

Seth sat on the corner of the bed his chin resting on the heels of his hand staring at the small box that sat on the windowsill in front of him. He sighed deeply shifting slightly on the bed as Summer slept soundly across from him. Her bump was beginning to show now. He looked back at the small black velvet box that had been in his nightstand drawer for about a year now and reached out for it. He blew the settling dust from the top and opened it slowly revealing a platinum ring with a large sparkling diamond fixed in the centre. He felt all the memories come flooding back…Memories of the time when he had bought the ring, the plans he had set up…everything.

_**Flashback**_

_Seth lit the last candle and smiled at the room in front of him. Perfect, he thought as the candles flickered sending waves of golden light dancing across the walls. She would love it! He carefully stepped over the carefully laid rose petals…actually he had just thrown them randomly across the room but no one needed to know that…and made his way over to the door carefully checking in his pocket for the hundredth time to make sure the ring was there. This was going to be perfect, it would be him, Summer and the baby. He gently closed the door knowing there was a risk of the room catching on fire but it was a risk he was willing to take. As he slowly walked down the stairs whistling happily he stopped still as he heard a shriek and shattering glass. He quickened into a run and jumped the last two steps causing him to skid across the hallway. He could hear whimpering and moaning coming from the kitchen and sprinted towards the door throwing it open. He burst into the room panting and gasping for air when he saw Summer slumped on the floor clutching her stomach and moaning with pain, tears streaming steadily down her flushed face. He felt the air rush from his lungs as he knelt down next to her gripping her hand and looking into her pain filled eyes. _

"_Summer! What's wrong, is it the baby?" He asked hurriedly his stomach sinking as Summer nodded slowly gasping for breath. It broke his heart to see her in this much pain. _

"_It hurts Seth…it hurts, please make it stop." She begged desperately tears running down her cheeks and her whole body trembling as pain coursed through her stomach. Seth felt tears burn in his eyes as he watched her groan in agony…it was the baby, there was something wrong with the baby. _

"_Okay, there isn't enough time for an ambulance. I'll get you into the car and drive you to the hospital. It'll be okay." He assured her his voice shaking as he gently helped her up causing her to whimper in pain. She sobbed desperately her whole chest heaving with each sob. _

"_But Seth…the baby, something's wrong…what if I lose it!" She wailed pitifully breaking Seth's heart. _

"_It'll be okay I promise…" He whispered as he helped her towards the door praying to god that he could keep his promise to her. Praying that his son would be okay. Thoughts of the ring disappearing from his mind. _

_Three days later_

_Seth pulled into the driveway shutting the stereo off and killing the engine. He looked up at the house and sighed closing his eyes and fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. He had to be strong, for her. Slowly he turned to face Summer who sat silently in the passenger seat next to him staring blankly down at her hands which her resting in her lap…clutching the scan picture in her hand tightly, her knuckles turning white. Tears were welling in her empty brown eyes as she looked down at the picture tracing a finger delicately over the small figure pictured. Seth felt the tears spill from his eyes and fall softly down his cheeks as Summer began to sob softly at first, tears flowing steadily as she shook slightly. The sobs became louder and more frequent as the tears flowed faster and she trembled from head to foot chest heaving with each sob. His broken heart aching, Seth reached across pulling Summer into a hug. She resisted slightly at first before relaxing into his embrace and resting her head against his chest still sobbing uncontrollably. Seth could feel her shaking in his arms and held her tightly never wanting to let go, he couldn't lose her too. He let the tears flow freely as she cried in his arms over their baby. He could feel warm wetness steadily growing where her head was resting but he didn't care. All he cared about was her, he had to be there for her. He rested his head gently on top of hers feeling her soft hair against his face. He looked down at the scan in her hand and felt a shuddering sob escape his lips. Their baby…their son, he was gone. They had lost him. He could feel Summer's now flat stomach pressed against his as he ran his hand softly up and down her back as she shuddered in his arms still weeping. Words couldn't describe the grief he felt right now as he and Summer cried in eachother's arms over their dead son. A son they hadn't even got the chance to get to know yet. What kind of god did that? What kind of god killed a poor innocent child?_

_Summer felt Seth's arms encircle her as sob after desperate sob escaped her lips and racked her body, as the tears flowed faster and as she let the pent up grief escape in a burst of tragic emotion. She rested her head against his chest sobbing uncontrollably as she gripped the scan holding onto it for dear life, it was all she had left of her baby, their baby. She didn't know if she could carry on, if she could live normally after this. She had lost her baby…it was going to be so perfect, her, Seth and their son. Now all that had been taken from her and she didn't know how to think or feel normal again. How could anything be normal after this? How could she live a normal life after this? How could she wake up and go to work, eat lunch with friends, go to meetings, pretend to be happy each day when inside she was secretly dying. How could she survive after this? She felt the tears flowing, the warm salty tears leak from her eyes as the emotion was slowly drained from her. She could feel Seth shaking slightly and she knew he was crying too. She knew he was upset too but he didn't know what it was like for her. She had carried her son inside of her for 7 months, felt him kick and move inside of her, been to all the checkups, feel him grow gradually as her stomach got bigger and bigger. He didn't know what it was like for her to lose a part of herself…Her baby, their baby…their son was gone. _

_Seth closed the bedroom door softly behind him, he had left Summer sleeping on the sofa. The candles and rose petals were gone, he had got rid of them whilst she was sleeping at the hospital. He couldn't have her coming home to that. He leant against the closed door feeling the hard wood against his back. Sighing deeply and closing his eyes he titled his head up to the ceiling breathing heavily through his nose trying to calm the shaking that had overtaken him as he finally released the tears he had been holding back all day, holding back for Summer's sake. She didn't need him crying all the time, she needed him to be strong for her. For him to look after her when she needed him the most. He felt a single warm tear leak from the corner of his closed eyes and streak slowly down his face leaving a long wet track down his cheek. The first was followed by a second, then a third and a fourth and a fifth until he lost count and the tears were flowing freely. He banged his head softly against the wood, then again and again getting harder until a sharp pain pierced his skull and he stopped sinking down into a ball on the floor, hugging his knees closely to his chest and resting his head on top of them. He breathed in shakily his throat aching painfully due to the large lump forming there. He opened his eyes and looked at the room in front of him. He slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out the small black box that had been sitting there for three days. He held it in his hands as they shook and swallowed hard as he closed his fist around it and threw it against the wall with all the force he could muster in his tired, grief stricken state. He couldn't ask her…not now, not for a long time….He could wait for her, he had waited before and he could do it again. She would be worth the wait…_

_**PRESENT**_

Seth closed his fist around the small black box and smiled slightly…he had waited long enough.

* * *

A/N So…what did you guys think? Okay I know it's short and started really badly but it got better towards the end didn't it? Please review and tell me what you thought and hopefully I will have time to post soon! Thanks guys!

Next Time: Ryan explains to Ellie that Marissa will be staying around for longer, Seth plans his proposal and Ryan receives a mystery phone call…


	19. Proposals, families and phone calls

A/N I'm so sorry guys that is has been SO long since I last posted but I'm back at school now and I've started my GCSEs so I have SO much homework and now some fun Science coursework to get through! Joy of joys! So basically I've had hardly ANY time to write anything but I managed to scrape a few minutes yesterday to write this, it's not my best but hopefully it will satisfy you for now as the good parts are still to come! A lot drama (I know even MORE drama!) coming up in future parts so keep your eyes peeled! I hope you like it and please review!

Thanks!

* * *

Ryan smiled down at his daughter as he zipped her coat up to her neck and carefully put a pink bobble hat on her head. She giggled as it slipped over her eyes and reached to pull it up. Ryan grinned and pulled it up.

"There you are!" He said happily making Ellie giggle again. He placed her in the stroller and buckled her in because she had a habit of trying to escape. He could hear heels clicking against the marble floor behind him and he smiled to himself as he felt arms slip around his waist and a chin resting on his shoulder.

"Hey." Marissa whispered softly her head resting on his shoulder, her breath tickling Ryan's ear.

"Hey to yourself." He replied turning his head slightly so he could kiss her softly on the cheek. He could smell her sweet perfume and the fruity smell of hair and he breathed it in deeply.

"So Ellie's all set I see…pink hat! Wow, pink is SO in at the moment!" Marissa said leaning down in front of Ellie and smiling as she flicked the bobble on top of the hat causing Ellie to giggle.

"Um I don't think she really cares that much about fashion right now Marissa." Ryan said sceptically but with a small smile at the same time. Marissa gasped in mock indignation and clutched her chest.

"Ryan! Of course she does, see how happy she is because you finally dressed her in a matching outfit. God men know nothing!" She said teasingly with a grin her blue eyes sparkling as Ellie shifted impatiently in her pushchair.

"Hey, come on we're not that bad!" He said defensively as she stood up and looked him in the eyes. She rolled her eyes dramatically and drew slightly closer.

"I suppose not…you do have some uses." She whispered huskily before kissing him quickly. Ryan slipped his arms around her waist hugging her slim body close to his. Their lips met again and Marissa felt his soft lips against his and slipped her tongue inside before wrapping her arms around his neck, she felt shivers and goose-bumps dance across her skin as she relaxed into his arms feeling her heart pounding and rushing in her ears. As Ellie let out a small squeal they reluctantly pulled away. Ryan smiled apologetically before kneeling down in front of Ellie.

"What's the matter eh?" He asked softly noticing tears forming in his daughter's eyes. She squealed again and reached out across the room opening and closing her fingers. Ryan turned around and spotted Share Bear lying on the floor a few metres away. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"What happened to Share Bear?" He asked picking the bear up and catching a grinning Marissa's eye as he handed the bear to Ellie who took it and held it tightly.

"Dwopped it." Ellie said. Marissa smiled and linked arms with Ryan who had already started to push the stroller towards the door.

"You know the whole devoted Dad thing is so hot." She said. Ryan grinned.

"You want to go to the park Ellie?" Marissa asked as Ryan opened the door. Ellie squealed in delight as they headed out the door causing both Marissa and Ryan to laugh. Marissa smiled to herself as they walked down the drive together…almost like a family. Even though she had only known Ellie for about a week or two she already felt like she was a part of her life. She was part of a real family again…

* * *

Seth opened the bedroom door and smiled softly to himself as he watched Summer lean over the mirror and apply her mascara carefully. He loved her so much, everything about her from the way she cried at nearly every sad movie to the way she always burnt the toast. He just wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, which is why he had planned the perfect night for her tonight. The perfect night for him to propose.

She caught his eye in the mirror and smiled warmly, putting down her mascara and turning around. Seth smiled back his stomach churning nervously. He was going to ask her tonight.

"Hey handsome, shouldn't you be at work?" She asked cheerfully bounding over to Seth happily. Seth grinned and slipped his arms around her waist pulling her petite figure closer to him, his heart hammering.

"Hmmm handsome eh? You must be in a good mood. In answer to your question I should be at work but I thought I'd take a day off, you know see the 'rents off back to Newport and spend some quality time with you." He said grinning their faces inches apart. She smiled and placed her hands on his shoulders having to tiptoe slightly since she wasn't wearing her heels.

"Good answer." She whispered before grazing her nose with his gently and meeting his lips with hers in a passionate clinch. When they eventually pulled away she flushed slightly and smiled up at Seth who grinned back stupidly.

"You know, my Mom's filling in at the office for Ryan and my Dad's off having lunch with some old friend so…we have the house all to ourselves." He said raising an eyebrow. Summer giggled slightly and feigned innocence.

"Really? And why could we possibly want the house to ourselves Cohen?" She asked walking towards the bed and sitting down it. Seth grinned and moved closer so he was standing in front of Summer. He looked down at her before sliding onto the bed next to her.

"Hmm I don't know…maybe we could um re-arrange the furniture, or do some spring cleaning…but maybe not in Ryan's room because god knows what I'll find under his bed but…"

"Sssssh" Summer whispered placing a delicate finger to Seth's lips cutting off his babble immediately.

"I know exactly what you want the house empty for Cohen and frankly…I think it's weird that you would find me attractive right now, I'm getting fat but it doesn't even look like I'm pregnant yet so when I go into work everyone will be like, oh my god Summer put on wait. She must be depressed, maybe she split with her boyfriend and turned to the cream cakes…"She started to babble and now it was Seth's turn to cut her off. He held her head in his hands and kissed her softly cutting her off, he drew away and she smiled.

"Right…so I take it you like me fat then." She said blushing slightly. Seth leant back on the bed and Summer followed suit, he reached and tucked a stray strand on chestnut brown hair behind her ear.

"You're not fat and actually many men find pregnant women very attractive." He said knowingly with a smirk. Summer raised an eyebrow.

"What so they like fat women who get back pain and throw up every morning and sweat and have like weird cravings for cucumber ice cream?" She asked sceptically.

"Well…when you put it like that" He started earning a playful slap from Summer causing them both to laugh. He paused slightly and ran a hand up and down her arm gently.

"I still think your hot Sum…irresistibly hot." He said smirking, Summer grinned and leant closer planting another kiss on Seth's lips happily.

"Thanks Cohen."

He leant forward and kissed her softly wrapping his arms around her and enveloping her in his arms.

Ryan watched with a smile on his face as Marissa pushed Ellie on the swings, Marissa smiling and laughing as Ellie squealed in delight holding onto the chains for dear life. Marissa caught his eye and grinned her eyes sparkling. He smiled back and waved slightly as he dragged his feet along the floor as he swung back and forth on his swing. He thought this would have been hard, having Marissa back in his life again after everything and with Ellie but it wasn't…it was like everything came naturally to them. Like they were suddenly a real family. Getting to his feet he put his hands in his pocket and shuffled over to the next swing set and stood next to Marissa as she pushed Ellie back and forth gently. He grinned and slipped his hand inside hers.

" You're really good with her you know?" He said as Ellie let out another squeal of delight. Marissa turned to him looking surprised but happy nonetheless.

"You really think so?" She asked turning her gaze back to the swing and Ellie, she felt a surge of happiness cross over her. Ryan thought she was good with Ellie…

"Yeah, she really likes having you around." He said taking over from Marissa pushing the swing, she stood aside smiling to herself happily. She had never felt like this before, like everything was just perfect. Ryan began to slow down until the swing eventually stopped and Ellie reached her hands out as a sign to get out. Ryan picked her up and set her down on the floor where she clung to Ryan's leg. Marissa laughed slightly. Ellie looked up at Marissa and smiled.

"Daddy?" She asked, Ryan looked down and smiled at his daughter.

"Yes sweetie?" He asked knowing how much she loved asking questions.

"Is Mawissa gonna be my new mommy?" She asked. Marissa felt her heart jump into her throat as she looked across at Ryan who swallowed hard and looked back at her his heart pounding in his ears…he had been waiting for this question and he had thought so hard about what to tell her but now…standing with them both in the park together he knew the answer.

Marissa was almost deafened by the sound of blood rushing in her ears, oh god…she thought this is so terrible…She looked across at Ryan again who smiled slightly and then looked down at his daughter before bringing his blue eyes back to Marissa who felt like there was a lead weight in her stomach.

"Yes…yes she is." Ryan said softly. Marissa felt tears burn in the back of her eyes as she looked at Ryan her heart still hammering but the weight gone. He had said yes…he wanted her to stick around.

Ellie smiled and hugged Marissa's leg causing her to laugh through her tears as Ryan gripped her hand tightly. She couldn't believe it, she felt so happy. Ryan watched as tears coursed softly down Marissa's cheeks. He knew this was best for his daughter, best for him and best for Marissa. Things were finally working out for the best…

* * *

"…Cohen it's freezing! Where are you taking me?" Summer whined gratingly, shivering slightly as Seth steered her forward, she took small steps carefully not knowing where she was through the blackness of the blindfold that covered her eyes. The floor felt like grass…

Seth grinned slightly, keeping his hands fixed firmly on her shoulders as he carefully steered her across the grass, getting closer and closer…His stomach was churning nervously as he held his breath running over everything that could go wrong…

"It's a surprise okay…just relax and let me take you to where we're going." He said softly smiling as he saw the two tall oak trees in front of him. He stopped and Summer stumbled slightly, grumbling to herself.

"You know you better not be planning anything kinky Cohen…" She warned as Seth reached around to gently untie her blind fold. Summer felt the material being lifted from her eyes and blinked, the sudden change in light causing her to squint. Her eyes eventually adjusted to the dim sun that was setting in the pink sky over the horizon, she looked ahead and felt her heart leap into her throat at the site before her. She looked between the two tall oak trees down at the blanket in front of her, on it sat a hamper full of food and around it were candles that shone and flickered in the dusk. She felt tears sting at her eyes and turned around to face Seth who was smiling nervously his hands in his pockets.

"Cohen…" She whispered weakly looking up at him and smiling, he smiled back. She couldn't believe he had done this for her…then something horrible dawned on her.

"Oh god…is it our anniversary! Oh my god I'm so sorry Cohen I forgot!" She stammered hurriedly her eyes pleading and her heart hammering…she could have sworn their anniversary wasn't until April…Seth laughed slightly as Summer chewed on her bottom lip nervously.

"No it's not our anniversary, it's not until April…although it was nice to see you squirm! I just felt like…treating you to a night out that's all." He said taking her small soft hand in his and leading her over to the candlelit picnic before him. Summer swallowed blinking back the tears in her eyes as she smiled happily, her heart hammering. God he was so sweet, she thought to herself.

"Cohen! Your so sweet sometimes…wait a minute…you haven't done anything terrible have you?" She asked narrowing her eyes slightly but jokingly. Seth grinned and slowly sat down as Summer followed suit.

"Now Summer, usually that would be a safe suggestion but this time you are wrong! Now…strawberry?" He asked holding a strawberry out to Summer who giggled and took it from him…

* * *

Ryan frowned down at the building plans in front of him and scratched his head whilst chewing on the end of his pencil. He sighed and looked up at his computers and typed in another set of numbers before scribbling a measurement on the blue prints. He could hear Marissa and Ellie laughing in the next room and he smiled to himself. Things were going so great at the moment it's hard to believe it was really happening…He jumped slightly as his phone rang, he set down his pencil and picked it up with a sigh.

"Ryan Atwood…" He said tiredly, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"Hi Mr Atwood it's Sarah, just to let you know that another clients come in requesting a re-model. It uh a Mr and Mrs Cohen." His secretary said with a slight laugh. Ryan grinned and shifted in his chair.

"Oh really, well tell them I'm not giving them a discount." He said with a grin.

"Will do, um they want you in Newport to start work in about 2 or 3 weeks."

"Thanks Sarah, oh also can you leave the Davies Prints on my desk. I'll be in tomorrow." He said with a tired smile.

"Sure, bye" She said brightly before hanging up. Ryan yawned and put the phone back in his cradle…so that was Sandy and Kirsten's way of getting them all back for Christmukkah, He thought happily.

Just as he was getting back to work the phone rang again, he sighed, put down his pencil and reached for the phone.

"Ryan Atwood…" He said listlessly. There was silence on the line for a few seconds and Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Hello?"

The line crackled slightly before a slight sigh was heard down the line before a soft familiar voice.

"Ryan…it's Emma I…I'm back in town."

Ryan almost dropped the phone as his heart leapt into his mouth…sh!t His hands shaking he slammed the phone down on its receiver and closed his eyes, his heart pounding. He knew things were too good to be true.

Seth slipped his hands in Summer's and stood up, leading her across the grass as she rested her head on his shoulder. She smiled contentedly to herself as they walked through the park together, the red sun setting behind skyscrapers illuminating the sky in scarlet light.

"Seth, I just want to say thanks…tonight was really great. I love you." She whispered happily looking into his kind brown eyes. Seth swallowed and smiled, gripping her hand tightly as he lead her around a willow tree.

"I love you too Sum." He whispered leaning closer, his stomach churning and his heart pounding as their lips met softly, fitting perfectly like jigsaw pieces. He shivered slightly as he kissed her passionately and inhaled her sweet perfume and the fruity smell of her soft chestnut hair. As they gently drew apart Summer opened her eyes and let out a gasp. Her face was bathed in an orange glow as she looked down at the candles in front of her…Her hand flew to her mouth as she looked down at the candles in front of her and then up at Seth who was smiling nervously and shifting from foot to foot.

"Cohen I…"She stammered, words getting stuck in her throat as she looked back at the beautiful glowing mass in front of her.

There on the grass, spelt out in candles and tea lights were the words…

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

She let tears flow freely down her cheeks as her heart hammered and blood rushed in her ears. Her hands trembled as she turned again back to Seth. He swallowed hard feeling sick with nerves…god he hoped they were happy tears. He slowly got down onto one knee and reached into his pocket and pulled out the small black box and opened it as Summer silently cried. She looked down at the ring in front of her, the large diamond in the centre sparkled in the candlelight and she smiled…

"Cohen I…"

"I…I figured I'd spell it out for you because if I…If I tried to actually ask you I'd start babbling nervously and I…"

He was cut off by Summer pressing a finger to his lips, silencing him like the many times she had before. She smiled and drew her finger away from his lips.

"Yes." She whispered. Seth looked up at her his stomach ceasing the churning but his heart still pounding.

"W…what?" He stuttered his hand shaking as he held up the ring. Summer laughed weakly the warm tears coursing down her cheeks as she grinned from ear to ear.

"YES!" She cried happily. Seth felt a grin creep across his face as relief and happiness washed over him. A gentle breeze blew through the trees causing the candles to flicker and the orange light to dance across their faces as Seth gently pulled the ring from the box and Summer held out a dainty hand. He slid the ring delicately onto her finger and looked up into her tear-filled hazel eyes.

"I love you Summer Roberts."

* * *

a/n I know what you're all going to say PURE CHEESE! I know and I am ashamed but oh well! I like fluff and cheese so! Fluffy cheese! Lol I hoped you liked it! Lots of R/M coming up! and lots of angst! Yay! Please review and hopefully I will post soon!

Next Time: an unwanted visitor arrives at the Atwood House, Seth and Summer announce their engagement and Ryan and Marissa receive more unwanted attention from the press.


	20. Memories

A/N Okay guys, firstly I just want to apologise for the huge wait for an update but here are my reasons before you all attack me!

I've been ill recently and spent most of my time in bed feeling miserable, but the plus side is I now have lots of ideas

I am in two shows so I have loads of rehearsals

I have so much coursework and homework that I have had hardly any leisure time at all

I have been writing a new fic **Heart of Glass** at the same time (BIG HINT to go check it out and review!)

Okay so basically this part is cruelly short but it's some background info about Ryan and Emma's relationship and how things ended with them which is important because as you may have already guessed she will be making an appearance in the not so distant future. So I'm really sorry, don't hate me and tell me what you think!

* * *

Ryan sat back in his chair with his head in his hands breathing in deeply as his heart hammered against his ribs. He let the phone ring continuously in front of him, the tinny ringing filling his ears as he swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He couldn't handle this, everything had been going so well he should have known it was too good to be true. Something had to get screwed up sooner or later. 

Just hearing her voice again bought back all the memories. Ellie being born, the panic he felt when the doctors said she wasn't breathing, sitting in front of the incubator whilst his daughter struggled to stay alive. Trying to convince Emma to look at her daughter, taking Ellie home and holding her in his arms, watching as drank her way through a bottle of vodka, trying to pull it away from her, having a glass thrown at his head…finding the note.

* * *

FlAsH bAcK 1 

"_DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Emma screamed her already alcohol flushed cheeks reddening as she yelled at Ryan, her hands balled into fists as she gripped the bottle of vodka tightly in her hand, swaying drunkenly as Ryan flinched at her screaming. He looked at her with sad eyes, he couldn't do this. He couldn't cope with this all over again, first with his mom now her? He couldn't do it, but he had to…he had to do it for their daughter. _

"_Don't you even care what you're doing to this "family"? To your daughter, to me? Can't you see the damage you're doing? You're not sober for more than five minutes and when you are you're looking for something else to drink!" Ryan yelled his body tensing as he eyed the bottle in her hands as she staggered dangerously, swaying on the spot. She stumbled and glared at him. _

"_You think you're so high and mighty don't you? Up there on your high horse! You don't know what it's like for me, you don't know what it was like watching my daughter dying in front of me!" She sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks as she gripped onto the table for support. _

"_Yes I do, I was there. She's my daughter too. Do you really think getting yourself like this is going to do any good? She needs you to be her mother!" He said desperately. He couldn't cope with this, she needed help but how was he supposed to give it to her when she wouldn't let him?_

"_Oh shutup Ryan. You can't make me do anything okay? Who do you think you are anyway? You're just so perfect aren't you? You never do anything wrong, well I'm not like that Ryan! I have problems this is how I deal with them!" She yelled the tears still flowing as she took another swig of vodka causing Ryan to grimace. _

"_Problems? You think I've never had problems? I've been through more than you can ever imagine and you stand there saying I'm perfect? You don't know anything. Drinking won't solve your problems."_

_Emma scoffed and took another sip of drink_

"_I really hate you sometimes." She spat hatefully. Ryan sighed heavily. He was past caring what she said about him anymore, it was always the same when she was like this. _

"_Emma please, just get some help. You're killing yourself and I can't just standby and watch it happen." He pleaded glancing over at the intercom, he was surprised Ellie hadn't woken up through all of this. It wasn't fair, he had promised himself that when he had kids he wouldn't let them have the same childhood he had, but Emma was turning into his mother…_

"_Ryan just shut up. You can't make me! I don't need help so just BACK OFF!" She yelled _

_Ryan swallowed his heart hammering. _

"_I can't"_

_Emma's face twisted in anger and she raised the bottle above her head, swaying as she hurled it forward. Ryan ducked instinctively but he wasn't quick enough. The bottle clipped the top of his head and shattered, showering him with broken glass. He hissed as a sharp pain shot across his head, he felt blood trickle down his forehead as Emma stood still in front of him her eyes wide with tears. _

"_Ryan i…" She whispered shakily. _

_Ryan raised a hand to his head, his hair was sticky with blood and he winced in pain. He drew his sad blue eyes up to hers as she started to sob, he shakily took a few steps forward as she dissolved into tears. His head throbbed angrily as he silently walked out of the room leaving her in a sobbing heap on the floor…

* * *

_

Flashback 2

_Ryan yawned widely and rolled over, running his hands over the cold bare sheets next to him, the space where Emma was supposed to be, the place where he had lay her down after she had passed out drunk again. He groaned and rubbed his eyes his limbs aching and protesting with lack of sleep. He had been up half the night with Ellie, Emma hadn't heard her crying…she was still out cold. _

_He sat up slowly pushing back the duvet and swinging his legs from the bed and stretching his arms and back hearing a satisfying click and groaning slightly. He forced his eyes open as his heavy eyelids drooped over his eyes again, he could hear Ellie crying on the intercom. Shuffling across the bedroom he grabbed his robe and pulled it over his toned shoulders and walked across to Ellie's crib where she lay crying and gurgling. _

"_Hey sweetie." He mumbled softly, smiling down at his daughter as she squirmed in her crib. He gently reached down and lifted her out, holding her close to his chest and rocking her gently as she started to sniffle and gurgle. After a few minutes of rocking and soothing he shuffled back across the room with Ellie still in his arms and made his way down to the kitchen. Once he got downstairs he settled Ellie in her rocker and walked over to the kitchen ruffling his untidy blonde hair and yawning again widely. The air smelt of stale cigarettes and alcohol, on the counter sat an ashtray brimming with dog ends and ash and a glass with a dribble of whiskey sitting in the bottom. He frowned and put the glass into the sink and emptied the ashtray into the bin, he hated Emma smoking. She hadn't smoked the whole time with Ellie, in fact before Ellie she hadn't started drinking either. But after Ellie was born it had all started, he guessed it was because she couldn't deal with her being so sick but she had left Ryan to take care of their daughter and clear up after her. It was like his mom all over again._

_He put some coffee on and sat at the breakfast bar watching his daughter with a tired smile, his once bright blue eyes dull and lifeless. He loved Ellie so much, more than anything so he didn't mind having to take care of her 24/7 but he just wished, more than anything that Emma would turn back into the girl he used to know. The happy, funny, intelligent girl he fell in love with, he didn't bother trying to look for Emma, this had happened to many times. She'd be out buying more booze or getting wasted with the few friends she had left. He stared out of the window wondering how he was going to finish the pile of work he had waiting for him when something caught his eye, sitting on the coffee table was a piece of yellow paper. Curiously, he got to his feet and dragged himself over to the lounge where Ellie was giggling in her rocker. He smiled slightly and looked down at the note, instantly recognising the swirly scrawl on the front. _

_Ryan_

_He picked up the note with trembling hands, a distinct sense of dread coursing through him and he gently brought it up to his face and unfolded it ignoring Ellie's soft cries as he started to read…_

**Dear Ry, **

**I just want to say that I'm so sorry, sorry for everything I've put you through. I couldn't face having to tell you this face to face because I know you'd try to change my mind so this is why I'm writing you this letter. **

**I can't do this anymore Ryan, I'm not cut out for this. I'm a mess not a mother and you and Ellie both deserve better than this. I'm leaving and don't try and contact me to get me to stay because you and I both know this is for the best. I know you'll take care of Ellie and you'll be happy together, you don't need me ruining both of your lives. **

**I'm sorry, just tell Ellie I love her. **

**I love you Ryan**

**Emma X**

_Ryan let the note drop from his hands, it fluttered to the floor and rested there haunting him as he looked down on it. Playing the words over in his head as he forced back tears and took a shaky breath his heart pounding and his mind racing. She had left him just like everyone else had done, his mother, his brother, his father, Marissa and now her. He covered his face with his hands, his whole form shaking as he desperately willed the tears back, she was gone. She had left them both._

_Ellie shrieked and started to cry again loudly and Ryan looked up, his vision blurred by surpressed tears. Why was he being so weak, why was he so surprised? Everyone let him down in the end, why should he expect any different from her? She was just like his mother. _

_He stood above his daughter and gently lifted her up into his arms, holding her to his chest and rocking her softly as she cried in his arms and he cried with her…how was he going to cope? He let the tears fall softly down his cheeks as he held his daughter in his arms…

* * *

Present_

Ryan glared at the phone willing it to stop ringing, how dare she call him? How dare she even think he would want to talk to her after what she did? After how she treated him and how she treated his daughter. He wasn't going to let her worm her way back into their lives, not after all the damage she had caused…

* * *

A/N I know…short right? Oh well it's something and it's important and I am stressed so please review and I will post soon…and check out **Heart of Glass** ! My new fic! Cheers guys! 

Rach X

Next Time: Summer and Seth announce their happy news, Ryan is worried about Emma turning up causing a rift between himself and Marissa and a "Mystery" visitor shows up


	21. Trust, Tears and Familiar Faces

A/N Sorry for the delay with updating but I've been so busy and I was writing my other fic Heart of Glass (btw that's a big hint to read and review) I hope you like this and please tell me what you think!

* * *

"Oh my God you guys! Congratulations! Let me see the ring!" Marissa shrieked as Seth and Summer grinned at her, both holding hands. Summer held her hand out to Marissa to took it and stared down at the ring in amazement.

"Wow It's beautiful." She whispered in awe…as she stared down at the gleaming ring she was suddenly reminded of the engagement ring Ryan gave her. She still had it…she wore it around her neck on the chain that Ryan bought her for their anniversary all those years ago. She sighed inwardly running through all the memories she had of Ryan. She knew she had blown her chances but maybe she still had one with him…

"Have you told your parents yet?" Marissa asked pulling herself out of her thoughts and bringing her attention back to Seth and Summer. They looked at each other.

"No, I was going to ring them after I told Ryan…where is he anyway?" Seth asked frowning slightly and looking around. Marissa smiled slightly.

"Oh he's working in the study."

Seth raised an eyebrow.

"I bet he's getting loads done with one arm, I better go and tell him the good news. You can talk about girly wedding plans…." Seth said kissing Summer swiftly on the cheek with a grin before disappearing up the stairs.

* * *

Ryan ran his good hand through his hair in frustration and sighed deeply as the phone stopped ringing. Thank God, maybe she had finally gotten the hint. How could she actually think he would want to talk to her after everything she did? He closed his eyes and leant back in his chair with a wide yawn, he should go check on Ellie and Marissa…then he could go to bed. He would finish off his mound of work tomorrow. As he prepared to lift himself from his chair the office door burst open and Seth bounded in happily, grinning like a maniac and bouncing up and down. Ryan stifled a groan and met Seth's gaze with a tired smile.

"Guess what bro…" Seth said still bouncing slightly as Ryan got to his feet unsteadily and looked his brother up and down.

"What…?" He said listlessly, he had gone through this process many times and nearly 99.9 of the time it lead to something about Summer. Seth watched his brother walk slowly forward and in the back of his mind he could tell something was up, he looked different. Being Seth he pushed it to the back of his mind as he met his brother's tired gaze unable to control his grinning.

"Well…basically…I PROPOSED TO SUMMER AND SHE SAID YES!" Seth yelled ecstatically unable to control himself, he was just so happy right now. Ryan felt a grin creep across his face as he pushed Emma to the back of his mind and concentrated on his brother.

"That's great man! You finally did it…Congratulations." He said injecting some happiness into his voice as he pulled Seth into a manly hug and patted him on the back. Seth pulled away still grinning maniacally and bouncing on the spot. Ryan smiled to himself suddenly reminded of how Seth was every Chrismukkah.

"I still can't believe she said yes, and when I think back to before you came in Newport when she thought my name was Stanley." He said with a smile whilst looking out the window. Ryan grinned again, even if Seth didn't know it he could always take his mind off things.

"So…are you coming downstairs for some champagne my dear friend? I think a celebration is in order." Seth said clapping his hands together. Ryan nodded.

"Yeah, is Ellie still up?" He asked. Seth paused.

"Um yeah, Marissa and Summer are with her I think…talking about dresses already." He said rolling his eyes. Seth headed over to the door closely followed by Ryan whose arm had started to throb slightly, he better take some painkillers. As Ryan reached the door the phone suddenly started to ring again causing him to jump slightly and swing around sharply. The colour drained from his face as he stared at the ringing phone, the small red light flashing where messages had been left. All by the same person no doubt. He stared at the phone his heart hammering before turning to face Seth who was watching Ryan curiously. He frowned slightly and leant against the door frame.

"Dude, aren't you gonna answer that?"

Ryan swallowed

"Um No it's okay, they can leave a message. Like you said, we need to celebrate." He said forcing a smile, Seth appeared to be satisfied and bounced through the doorway leaving Ryan to follow him out. Ryan took one last look back at the ringing phone and sighed before jogging to catch up with Seth…

* * *

Marissa took another sip of champagne and smiled serenely over the rim of her glass as the golden liquid bubbled in front of her. She watched as Seth and Summer kissed happily, mumbling to each other on the couch across the room. They looked so happy; things were finally getting going for them. They were really getting married. She sighed inwardly; she couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. She knew it was stupid but, she wanted to be the one engaged. She had been there before and she had screwed it up, would she get a second chance with Ryan? Would he ever have the courage to ask after what happened last time? She was being stupid anyway; she had only just started talking to him again about a month ago! She shouldn't expect things to move this fast, especially after everything that happened between them. She swallowed and looked across at Ryan who was staring at the fire, watching the flames crackle merrily, a vacant, sort of sad expression on his face whilst his intense, piercing blue eyes followed each leap and rise of the flames. There was definitely something up, she could tell. He was too quiet, sure Ryan was never really that talkative but he hadn't said anything in over ten minutes and was just staring into space the whole time. Something definitely wasn't right.

She set her glass down on the side and shifted on the couch slightly, leaning over towards Ryan and resting a hand on his shoulder. He turned to her slightly and the vacant expression cleared, replaced by a weary smile.

"Sorry I was miles away." He mumbled as Marissa smiled slightly.

"Are you okay?" She whispered softly her breath tickling his ear as she rubbed his arm gently.

Ryan sighed unsure of what to say, he hated lying to her but he didn't want to bring the whole thing up. It was Seth and Summer's night and he didn't want to burden her with all his past problems anyway. But then again, she had a right to know. They had said no more secrets…

"Yeah, I'm just tired that's all. I've got loads of work, guess I've just been a little stressed…Thanks for taking Ellie to bed." He said turning to her with a smile. Marissa forced one back, she knew that wasn't it. She knew there was something more but she wasn't going to press it. It wasn't the time…

Seth stood up and tapped the side of his glass, clearing his throat causing Ryan and Marissa to snap out of their conversation and turn to face Seth.

"Right well, as you know…the lovely Summer here has agreed to be my wife and we are going to be married. I want to take this opportunity to thank you guys for putting up with us for all these years, especially Ryan for letting us stay here but…as the new house is nearly finished we will be moving out soon. Yes Ryan, you'll finally get us out of your hair. I want to say thanks and if you'll agree…I want you to be my best man." He said smiling, swaying slightly from the champagne. Ryan flushed slightly and grinned shaking Seth's hand and pulling him into a hug.

"Of course I'll agree, now I get to plan YOU a bachelor party and thank god I'll finally have the house to myself." He said laughing slightly

Marissa watched as Ryan talked to Seth about bachelor parties and frowned, she would find out what was going on. Something was up and he wasn't telling her what it was…

* * *

Marissa shuffled through the papers on Ryan's desk with a frustrated sigh, where was her passport? She needed it now or she would miss her flight. She had a three day shoot in Paris and her plan left in an hour! She tried not to panic as she pulled each drawer open, each time having no luck. This was a disaster. As she pulled open the last drawer she let out a long whistle of relief when she saw the small wallet with the words passport stamped across the front. Thank God for that, if she missed this shoot that was it…she would be dropped from her agency. She slid the passport safely into her pocket and straightened up, pushing the hair from her eyes and tucking it behind her ears. She hated to leave Ryan and Ellie, especially when he was acting so weird, but she couldn't avoid this. It was a big shoot with Louis Vuitton.

She piled the papers that she had moved and straightened things up when the blinking light on the phone caught her eye, she looked at the small screen and did a double take when she saw that Ryan had 23 messages…23? That was a lot of messages. She frowned and stared down at the machine her heart hammering, should she? Just listening to one, just to see what it was wouldn't hurt would it? It would only be from work right? She sighed and withdrew her hand, she couldn't do that to Ryan…it would look like she didn't trust him. She did trust him but…he was just acting so strangely and…She swallowed and pressed the button her frame shaking as the robotic voice echoed. "Message One"

"Hey Ryan it's um…it's me again…" a soft feminine voice said

Marissa swallowed hard, it was a woman…it was just his secretary or someone at work. Why was she being like this? She trusted him, she knew he would never do anything like that, why was she jumping to conclusions?

"I know I keep calling but I just need to talk to you. You can't keep ignoring me, I'm a part of your life whether you want me to be or not. Just please, answer my calls. Let me explain…please. I Love you." The voice whispered tearfully.

Marissa let the machine beep as a lump rose in her throat, her heart pounded and her head spun as tears sprung to her eyes…she didn't understand…who…w…he couldn't be…whoever it was, she loved Ryan and she had called before…She let warm tears roll down her cheek as she sank into the chair. Come on…she was overreacting. He wouldn't cheat on her…he wouldn't.

Would he?

* * *

Marissa hurried down the stairs with her bags, sniffing and making sure that Ryan couldn't tell she had been crying. He was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, when he caught sight of her he smiled.

"Did you find it?" He asked hopefully, she swallowed ignoring the urge to burst into tears and nodded with a smile, holding up her passport.

"Yeah you were right it was in your office. You ready?" She asked her voice wavering slightly…come on marissa, pull yourself together. There is nothing going on. She told herself firmly

_Then why is there a woman saying she loves him on his answering machine?_

Echoed a small voice in the back of her mind, she sniffed and straightened up as Ryan took her bags with a smile and headed out the door…

The car journey was mostly silent as Ryan drummed his fingers against the steering wheel whilst humming slightly, his stomach churned nervously. Emma hadn't called again, maybe she had given up? He thought hopefully. God, he should tell Marissa, he hated keeping things from her…maybe she could help him? He looked across at her, she was staring out of the window one hand resting on her cheek. He loved her so much, he should just trust her…she would help him, he should give her a chance

Marissa watched the building whip past as the sped along the roads, she hated the silence. She couldn't stand not knowing, not knowing who that woman was and why she had called, why she loved her boyfriend….why Ryan hadn't told her or said anything. She sighed and swallowed, she was going away…she wouldn't leave things like this, she had to ask him…she couldn't let things happen the way they had with Jake. Not again. She took a deep breath and turned to Ryan, trying to control her shaking hands.

"R…Ryan?" She ventured shakily.

"Hmm." He said keeping his eyes on the road but his attention was on Marissa. She swallowed again and gripped the car door tightly for support.

"Um…I was in your office and there were a few messages left…I…I guess I wanted to get rid of a few for you so I was going to write some down and…I listened to the first one. It was a woman Ryan and, she said that she loved you…and that she had called you before…you want to tell me what is going on?" She said her voice trembling, she wasn't aware of the fact that there were tears in her eyes or that she was now gripping the car door so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. Her heart was hammering hard and pumping in her ears as she watched Ryan's expression change, his lips tightened and he sighed deeply. He gripped the steering wheel, he knew this was going to happen…but, she had looked through his messages?

"Marissa I…why were you looking through my messages? Don't you trust me?" He asked slightly hurt…she actually thought he would cheat on her…Marissa swallowed trying to blink back tears…he was avoiding her questions.

"If I hadn't I wouldn't even have known some girl was calling you saying she loves you. It's just as well I did…are you having an affair? Please, just tell me know if you are. Just don't lead me on and lie to me, please Ryan…just tell me." She pleaded tears rolling softly down her cheeks as Ryan's jaw tightened, he kept his eyes firmly on the road. He couldn't believe he was hearing this, she actually thought he would do that to her, she didn't trust him at all. And to think he thought he could tell her about Emma?

"You really think I would do that to you? You really think I could after everything that happened between us? After knowing how much it hurts to have the person you love with someone else? I can't believe that you really don't trust me that much…after everything that happened…I actually thought that I could tell you what's been going on and that you would trust me…but, now I don't know." He said his voice cracking slightly with hurt.

Marissa sniffed and stared at Ryan intensely.

"Who is she Ryan? Just tell me…" She whispered, she knew she had hurt him but he still wouldn't answer her, after everything with Jake, she couldn't handle this all over again…Ryan gripped the steering wheel tighter and looked across at Marissa angrily.

"It's Emma okay? She keeps calling and she wants Ellie back! I was going to tell you but since you don't even trust me…do you know what? Drive yourself to the airport, I'll walk back." He said angrily pulling the car over with a swerve and braking harshly, he unbuckled his seatbelt angrily and threw open the door. Marissa sat there stunned…Emma…that's why he had been acting so strange, oh god what had she done?

Ryan turned back and peered through the door, his heart hammering and tears pricking at his eyes.

"I thought you were the one person I could tell, the person I could trust…but what's the point of trusting someone who doesn't trust you?" He whispered angrily before slamming the door and storming down the road leaving Marissa sobbing in the passenger seat…

* * *

Ryan walked determinedly down the side of the main road, the icy wind biting at his face causing his cheeks to tinge pink. Small white snowflakes flurried around him, dancing on the bouncing gales and settling on his shoulders. He blinked back tears of frustration. What on earth was he doing? This wasn't Marissa's fault…if he had just told her from the beginning…He sighed and stopped looking up at the grey sky with contempt. Why did she look through his messages though? He shivered and shoved his hands into his pocket watching the cars crawl past through the heavy traffic. He loved Marissa more than anything…he should go back, this wasn't her fault. He loved her and he wasn't going to leave things like this…

Marissa sat in the passenger seat, the engine still humming and Ryan's car keys swinging in the ignition. Tears rolled steadily down her cheeks as she peered into the rear view mirror hoping to see Ryan walking back to her. Why had she been so stupid? Why did she even check his messages? Then none of this would have happened, now he thought she didn't trust him which made everything so much worse. Especially with all that happened with Emma and now having her coming back into his life…she was such an idiot, she was finally with the man she loved and they were happy and she had to go and screw everything up again. She breathed out shakily in a long sigh watching her breath come out in plumes of silvery mist. She couldn't leave things like this, she loved him.

_Then what are you doing still sitting here?_

A little voice in the back of her head said. She turned the engine off and grabbed the keys, sniffing and wiping her eyes as she shakily stepped out of the car, her heels sinking the settling snow on the sidewalk. Locking the car she wiped her eyes again and looked around desperately for any sign of Ryan. The icy wind made her shiver and she pulled her thin jacket around herself in a futile effort to block out the cold. She squinted through the falling snow for any sign of him…nothing. She felt tears burn in her eyes and she swallowed hard. She wasn't letting him go again…She broke into a run, stumbling on the uneven snow, her heels sinking and sliding. She looked around, her face stinging in the cold as snowflakes settled in her hair. She let the warm tears roll down her numb cheeks as she desperately searched for any sign of him…She continued running, wondering what she must look like. Running along the side of a main road in high heels. She let out a small yelp as she tripped, she thrust her hands out to break her fall causing them to sting in pain as they hit the cold snow and the hard road side. She gasped slightly as a hand fell on her shoulder, her knees and hands stinging, she looked up slowly and came face to face with…

"Ryan…" She gasped breathlessly tears in her eyes as he helped her up, his expression unreadable. She got shakily to her feet and met Ryan's intense blue eyes and she felt her hammering heart flutter. She blinked the snowflakes from her eyelashes and looked down at the floor nervously before bringing her gaze up to Ryan.

"Thanks." She whispered her voice cracking as the tears returned. Ryan smiled weakly, his heart hammering against his ribs as he gazed into her face, not knowing what to say to her…maybe he should start with sorry…

"I'm sorry…" He mumbled quickly and grinned when he realised Marissa had said it at the same time. They smiled and flushed slightly.

" I'm sorry Ryan, I…I shouldn't have looked through your messages. I don't want you to think I don't trust you because I do…I trust you more than anyone but since Jake I…I don't know, It's like I'm waiting to get hurt again. I'm so sorry Ryan, I don't want to lose you, not again." She said her voice shaking as she shivered.

"You're not going to lose me." Ryan whispered pulling Marissa close to him, she started to sob as she rested her head against his strong chest. She could hear his heart beating and she smiled through her tears as she shivered violently.

"It's my fault, I should have told you about Emma. It's just…I'm so scared that she'll come back for Ellie…that I'll lose her. I…I just thought that maybe If I ignored it, it would go away. I should have told you, I should have trusted you to understand." He said shakily as he held Marissa close, wrapping his strong arms around her. She tilted her face upwards so she was looking up into his and smiled, her teeth chattering.

"I love you and I trust you. No more secrets?" She said with a sniff. Ryan smiled and nodded, planting a kiss on her forehead. She felt his warm lips on her forehead and smiled weakly before shivering again. She was freezing.

"You cold?" Ryan asked softly

"Always." She whispered, he grinned and pulled off his coat and draped it gently around Marissa's shoulders. He smiled, but deep inside he knew this wasn't over…Emma wasn't going to give up. He wrapped his arm around her and leant his face closer to his, their lips inches apart as their noses grazed softly. Their lips crashed into one another as they kissed hungrily, sharing warmth as cars crawled past, some wolf whistling. When they pulled apart Marissa looked up and grinned embarrassedly as she noticed they were standing in front of a huge Billboard, one with her face on it. Ryan followed her gaze and grinned as he saw Marissa's beautiful smiling face looking down on him.

"Wow, I guess I have two of you…" He said as she laughed and they kissed again, Marissa stopped shivering and wrapped her arms around his waist as they headed back to the car.

* * *

Summer bounced Ellie up and down on her knee and smiled as Ellie giggled and squealed. Seth watched from the other side of the room with a small smile on his face, that could be his wife and his son in a few months. He couldn't believe he was really getting married to this amazing woman, and they were having a baby. He sighed, Ryan said their house was in the finishing stages and then it would all be so real…He caught Summer's eye and she smiled at him happily. He still needed to tell his parents…his mum would definitely be happy, she kept making subtle hints about she really wanted to go to another wedding. Things were just turning out so well for a change. No doubt a new drama would be on it's way soon enough…

* * *

Seth picked up the phone and slowly dialled in his parent's number, his finger hovered over the call button uncertainly before he pressed it and sighed deeply. It rang a few times before a click signalled someone picking up…

"Cohen residence." Sandy's gruff, cheerful voice filled Seth's ears. He sighed, thank god, he didn't think he could face his mother's squeals right now.

"Hey Dad, it's Seth." He said with a grin. Sandy smiled

"Hey son, how're things going?"

"Great actually, it's actually why I called…I err, have some news." He said nervously. There was a slight pause on the line.

"Go on…"

"Well, I uh…me…I asked Summer to marry me and he said yes." He babbled quickly, his heart hammering as he waited for a response.

"That's Great son! Congratulations, your Mother is going to be so pleased!" Sandy said grinning, he was really happy for him. He knew how much he loved Summer, he smiled remembering when he proposed to Kirsten.

"Thanks, can you uh tell Mom. I have a headache and I don't think I can deal with screaming or squeals right now." He said laughing slightly, Sandy laughed.

"Sure son, I'll call you later. Say Hi to everyone for me."

"Sure, bye Dad."

Seth put the phone down with a grin. He heard Ellie crying downstairs and sighed, Summer had gone out and he was left with Ellie until Ryan got back. He loved the kid and he did need the practise but it seems he never did anything right when he was left alone with her! He walked along the hall whistling happily to himself when something struck him sharply around the back of the head. A shooting pain shot through his head as his vision greyed, he dropped to his knees as the room span around him. He fell face-forward to the floor falling unconscious.

* * *

Ryan opened the front door and put his keys into his pocket with a sigh, Marissa was now on a plane to France. He wouldn't see her for three days. He slipped his jacket off, shivering slightly as the warmth of the house greeted him. He checked the mail that sat on the table and walked into the kitchen putting a pot of coffee on when he heard Ellie giggling. He smiled but it soon faded when he heard another voice…one that definitely didn't belong to Summer of Seth. His blood rushing in his ears he approached the playroom with trepidation, he reached the doorway and he could hear Ellie starting to cry and wail. His breath hitched in his throat as he stepped through the doorway.

What he saw in front of him made his heart stop still and his mouth go dry. A tall blonde woman stood in the middle of the room smiling and holding his daughter. He stood rooted to the spot as the blonde looked up and smiled.

"Hey Ry…"

* * *

a/n So...what did you think? I wonder who that could be? please press the ickle purple button and leave a review, it'll keep me happy:) 


	22. Stop

A/N Okay sorry for the huge delay and thanks for the great reviews, as a consolation here is a HUGELY long part full of lots of drama angst and all things dramatical! Lol so enjoy and don't forget to review! Or I will forget to post.

* * *

Ryan felt a chill run through him as he heard her voice again. He swallowed hard but his mouth felt like sandpaper, he looked from Emma to his daughter who was crying and wailing loudly. He tried to speak but his voice wasn't working. Emma was rocking Ellie gently and smiling, oblivious to her shrieks and wails. She was soothing her softly and smiling, her sleek blond hair falling over her eyes. His heart was pounding and blood was rushing in his ears, deafening him. He felt numb…how had she got in here? Where was Seth? He knew Summer had gone out but Seth should be here, where was he? He wouldn't have let her in…suddenly it felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach.

"W..what are you doing here?" He asked bluntly, steadying his voice. Emma looked up, still rocking Ellie in her arms and she smiled slightly at Ryan her brown eyes bloodshot and weary. She looked back down at the little girl who was still crying and pulling at Emma's jacket whilst reaching out for Ryan with her other hand. Ryan swallowed hard, he couldn't stand seeing his daughter like this and especially as he couldn't do anything about it…not yet anyway. Emma finally met his gaze for longer than a few seconds.

"What do you think Ryan? I came for my daughter, I came to see you both." She said softly smiling. Ryan felt sick as he looked at her holding his daughter, the daughter she had abandoned.

"What is wrong with you? What makes you think that you can just turn up here again and expect me to let you walk back into our lives after what you did?" He asked his anger rising as he clenched his fists tightly, he couldn't lose him temper, not whilst she was holding his daughter. He had to keep things under control. Emma continued to smile not taking Ryan's comment in.

"She's gotten so big, she's beautiful." She whispered breathlessly, ignoring him and not taking her eyes from her screaming daughter who was writhing and struggling in her arms.

"You're hurting her." Ryan said desperately watching as Ellie shrieked, Emma still gripping her tightly.He moved slowly forward and Emma drew back her eyes wide, pulling Ellie closer to her chest. Ryan swallowed hard his heart hammering.

"Emma please, just give me Ellie and we can talk okay? Just talk." He said softly looking her straight in the eyes, his gaze trained on her as he tried to keep it away from his daughter, his heart aching with each cry. Emma frowned, her jaw working as she looked from Ryan back to Ellie…

"Talk? Ryan, that's what I want. I just want to talk to you, about us about our daughter. Do you really think I would hurt her? I love her Ryan and I love you, I just want us to be a family again. For you to trust me." She said with tears welling in her eyes, Ryan forced back a scoff. She was already turned on the waterworks, he had learnt not to trust her tears a long time ago but for now he needed to keep her happy.

"Okay, just give me Ellie okay?" He said reaching out his arms and drawing slowly nearer. Emma looked down at Ellie who was still crying her face red as tears rolled down her cheeks, she gently handed her over to Ryan who took her in his arms hurriedly and pulled her towards his chest, hugging her and rocking her gently, sighing with relief. Emma watched awkwardly, wrapping her arms around herself insecurely as tears welled in her eyes.

"it's okay sweetie, it's okay. Daddy's got you." Ryan whispered gently as he rocked a now sniffling Ellie in his arms as she calmed down. He looked up from his daughter to Emma who was leaning against the wall trembling slightly as she looked around.

" Emma…" He ventured carefully as Ellie snuggled against his chest, Emma looked up meeting his gaze but hers was distant, something definitely wasn't right.

"How did you get in here?" He asked softly not wanting to set her off, he knew what her temper was like. She looked at him and smiled reaching into her pocket. She pulled out a small key and held it up so it caught the light.

"You never changed the locks, the place hasn't changed that much since…" She trailed off looking down at the floor. Ryan felt a flair of anger.

"Since you abandoned your daughter when she needed you? Since you left me to take care of her by myself, since you realised you were too drunk most of the time to be a real mother?" He spat angrily losing control of his temper, he couldn't hold it in. He hadn't seen or heard from her in nearly 2 years and she expects to just be able to waltz in and to be a mother again. It was too much…he couldn't let her do it.

Emma stared at him for a few seconds, closing her fists around the key in her hand, her whole hand shaking as she did so. A tear slipped from her eye and down her cheek and she met Ryan's intense icy glare.

"Ryan I, I'm sorry. I was messed up and confused, I didn't know what I was doing. I just want to be part of her life, I want to be her mom." She said her voice cracking with emotion. Ryan scoffed as Ellie rested her head on his shoulder.

"You can never be a mother, you had the chance but you walked out on her. She doesn't need you, she has me and Marissa." He blurted out as Ellie smiled at the mention of Marissa's name. Emma froze staring at Ryan.

"Marissa? You mean that B!tch who broke your heart? That supermodel…so you're back with _her _then? She's not her mother, I am. Nothing will change that." She retorted growing more angry by the second. Ryan lowered Ellie to the floor where she stood, clinging onto Ryan's leg tightly.

" Look I'm not even having this conversation with you Emma, you abandoned your daughter, left me with just a note, then break into my house 2 years later and expect me to welcome you back with open arms? You're not being a part of Ellie's life, If I have to take this to court then I will because seriously who do you think they will side with? Me or the alcoholic "mother" who walked out on her daughter when she was a baby?" He said sarcastically keeping his hand rested on Ellie's blonde head as she hugged his knee.

Emma swallowed hard clenching her fists harder so her nails were digging into her palms sharply, she clenched her teeth and drew a shaky breath. She wasn't leaving without her daughter, she didn't care what it took…She inched closer until she was standing in front of Ryan, forcing tears from her eyes. They rolled down her cheeks steadily as she looked down at her daughter who was sucking her thumb and hugging her father's leg. She was so beautiful. She sighed sadly before looking into Ryan's blazing blue eyes.

"Fine Ryan…I'll just…"

she was cut short by Seth appearing at the top of the stairs with a groan rubbing his head and looking around with confusion.

"Ryan? I…oh my god." He mumbled catching sight of Emma. As Ryan looked over to Seth Emma took her opportunity, she drew her knee up into Ryan's groin hitting him with as much force as she could muster, causing him to double over gasping in pain as she grabbed Ellie harshly and pulled her into her arms and sprinting from the room, Ellie screaming in her arms, Seth yelling and Ryan collapsed to his knees struggling to get to his feet as his eyes watered in pain. She ran towards the door blocking out the yelling and screaming and just concentrating on getting to the car, with Ellie…getting her daughter back…

Ryan gripped the couch tightly and pulled himself to his feet pushing the fiery pain to the back of his mind and sprinting through the pain as his eyes watered, the pain didn't matter…she had his daughter and he needed her back that was all that was important…Ellie.He had to get her back before Emma did something stupid.

Seth watched in amazement as Emma sprinted out of the door with a shrieking Ellie in her arms and as Ryan writhed in pain, he winced knowing how much that must hurt…Emma had taken Ellie…why was he just standing here? He had to help Ryan, pushing the throbbing pain in his head from his thoughts he ran down the stairs taking them two at a time before following Ryan out of the front door…his mind racing

Just in time to see Emma's car pull away…

* * *

Ryan felt his heart leap into his throat at the roar of a car engine filled his ears, he ran towards the car slamming his hands down on the bonnet angrily as Emma pulled out of the driveway sharply, Ellie strapped into the back in a booster seat…He watched them drive away and there was nothing he could do, blood rushing in his ears as his heart raced; pounding against his ribs furiously as he pulled out his car keys. He felt Seth draw up next to him and he said something that Ryan didn't process…all he was thinking about was his daughter who was steadily being taken further and further away from him as the seconds passed. He didn't have time to be standing here; he needed to get her back. He sprinted across the drive to where his car was parked his mind buzzing as he yanked the door open, Seth was shouting something that again he didn't hear but he was getting into the passenger seat. He couldn't lose Ellie, he couldn't lose her. He loved her more than anything in the world and he wasn't letting her go…

Seth watched as his brother turned his keys sharply in the ignition, he definitely shouldn't be driving but he wasn't listening to what he was saying…he wasn't not listening, he wasn't processing anything. He knew how much Ryan loved Ellie and he couldn't imagine how he must be feeling right now, he couldn't even process what was happening himself, but it wasn't safe for him to be driving right now.

"Ryan man, let me drive. We'll get her back but let me drive, it's not safe for you to be driving right now. What good are you going to be to Ellie if you're wrapped around a lamp post?" He asked looking Ryan straight in the eyes, he hated the despair and loss he saw reflected in them. He couldn't believe Emma had done this and he couldn't believe this was actually happening but the dull throbbing in his head was a constant reminder…Ryan sighed shakily tears welling in his eyes and he nodded before throwing his car door open and running round the other side of the car as Seth followed suit. Seth smiled weakly at his brother and slammed his foot on the accelerator as he reversed hastily from the drive, this was no time for his "granny driving" as Summer aptly named it. Ryan and his niece needed him.

Emma glanced down at her old mobile which was ringing incessantly from it's place on the dashboard, she could barely hear it over Ellie's shrieking and crying, god did she ever shut up? She thought angrily as she reached for the phone. She flicked it open, scratching at her itching nose…god she needed fix.

"Yeah?"

"Emma, please just pull over. It doesn't have to be like this. I said we could talk okay? I'm sorry I lost it but…look, please just pull over so we can talk. We can talk about you seeing Ellie…just don't do anything stupid. Do you really want to hurt her?" Ryan said softly but hurriedly as Seth caught up with her car as it sped along the freeway. He marvelled at how calm Ryan was considering his daughter was trapped in a car with her loony alcoholic mother who was switching lanes rapidly and driving at around 90.

Ryan waited in an agonising silence, he could hear Ellie crying again on the line and all he wanted was to have her in his arms. He couldn't stand this.

Emma felt tears slip down her cheeks, she did love him and she didn't want to hurt her daughter but he just didn't understand how hard it was for her. Wondering about how big Ellie was each day, if she remembered her…She didn't know how she got so caught up with alcohol and drugs but she just knew that she couldn't have her daughter growing up with that and that she deserved better. She had tried to give it all up but she just couldn't, she was weak and the drugs made her confident and happy…she needed them. She looked at her daughter in the rear view mirror and sighed, she wasn't letting her go…but she needed to let Ryan think she would.

"Okay." She whispered her voice choked with emotion as she swerved into the hard shoulder and pulled over.

Ryan let out a long sigh of relief as Emma pulled over, the car resting on the side of the road and the engine still running. He hung up the phone and glanced over at Seth who was pale and his head was bleeding slightly but he smiled slightly giving Ryan a nod as he pulled over behind Emma's car. Ryan swallowed hard, his hands shaking as he balled them into fists and shoved them into his pocket. He glanced at Seth briefly before walking along the side of the road, the bitterly cold wind whipping around him, causing him to shiver involuntarily. His breath rose out in silvery plumes in the night air as he reached the car in front of him. He walked to the passenger seat and pulled the door open his heart pounding. Emma was sitting back in the chair, tears rolling down her cheeks whilst Ellie sobbed softly in the back, sucking on her coat and whimpering. Ryan smiled at her softly and leant back into the backseat, planting a kiss on his daughter's forehead and letting her grab his finger before looking back to Emma who shifted her eyes across to meet his.

" I'm sorry Ryan." She whispered choking back a sob. Ryan sighed deeply as the wind ruffled his hair, his boots crunching on the snow as he shifted from foot to foot. He didn't know what to say to her, he just wanted his daughter to be okay.

"I know, I'm sorry I got mad but…it's like…I don't know. It's just weird having you around again and I guess it brings everything back." He mumbled, he didn't know where this was coming from but he needed to keep her calm. Emma let out a sob and folded her arms over the steering wheel, her whole frame shaking as she collapsed into desperate tears. Ryan stood there awkwardly before stepping into the car and sitting down, closing the door to keep out the cold. He knew he shouldn't be sitting in here with her but at least he was with Ellie. His thoughts racing he awkwardly reached out a shaking hand and placed it softly on her quivering back, not knowing what to do or say…She looked up, her eyes red and bloodshot.

"I just wanted to see her Ryan and I didn't think you would let me. I don't know why I just did but, I'm so used to running and…I got clean Ry, I went to rehab and everything just so I could be a good mom for her when I came back. I just want to be a good mom for her. I quit drinking and everything else because…I want to be her mom and I want you to trust me." She said between sobs.

Ryan's mouth felt like sandpaper as he tried to swallow…he looked down at his feet when something caught his eyes, he squinted through the darkness of the car when he saw what unmistakeably a bottle of vodka stashed under the driver seat. He felt a sudden surge of hot anger, she had been drinking and driving whilst his daughter was in the car? After all that about rehab and stopping drinking she had just fed him…what was wrong with her? He found himself shaking as he bit down hard on his lip, she had manipulating him the whole time, playing the innocent reformed alcoholic. As he reached out to the steering wheel he glanced at her arm where he sleeves had ridden up and he saw purpling bruises and scars…needle shaped scars. He knew what heroine user's arms looked like, he had grown up with having to find veins for his own mother! How could she seat there, looking him in the eyes and tell him she was clean? He felt the coppery taste of blood fill his mouth as he looked at her angrily. He actually thought that she had changed, he had actually believed her for a few seconds there…

"I can't believe you, you're sitting there spouting this crp with a bottle of vodka stashed under your chair! I can see the scars and marks on your arms Emma! Your "daughter" is in the car with you and you're drinking! I thought you had actually changed this time, I guess I've just gotten too soft since you've been gone, too trusting? Well if you think you're seeing Ellie now then you're more deranged than I thought you were. You're pathetic thinking that I'd actually let you see her after this…I'm taking Ellie and I'm going." He said reaching for the door when he heard the heavy clunk of the locks closing, he looked back to Emma who had her eyes fixed on the road, her expression blank and her eyes empty.

"Emma, what are you doing? Open the door" He yelled angrily but he couldn't help but feel a little scared…he had to stop her before she did anything stupid. She met his gaze and smiled slightly before slamming on the accelerator and swerving back into the road.

* * *

Seth tapped on the steering wheel impatiently, watching the car in front carefully. Ryan had been a while; he should go and check if he was okay. But there was no screaming so far so that was promising. He sighed, this was so messed up. Just as things were going great for Ryan something had to come along and ruin everything. He sighed impatiently and switched on the radio, smiling as an old Death Cab classic came on. He jumped slightly, startled as a loud car horn filled his ears and he turned his attention to Emma's car immediately, his mouth going dry as he watched numbly as the car swerved back onto the road…He fumbled with the steering wheel before pulling out after the car, he couldn't leave Ryan alone with her, he'd need to have his back like Ryan had all those times before.

Ryan fumbled with his seat belt desperately as Emma sped along the road, gripping the steering wheel tightly; her knuckles turning white. He swallowed hard his heart pumping as his fingers slipped over the catch, he looked up as Ellie started to scream again, Emma had her eyes fixed firmly ahead as tears tumbled down her cheeks, her body shaking as she changed lanes rapidly causing other cars to beep indignantly and brake harshly.

"Emma stop the car! What are you doing? You're going to get us killed! Stop.The.Car." He said looking straight at her as the tears flowed faster. She turned to him her eyes leaving the road but her hands still gripping the wheel.

" STOP" He shouted, blood rushing in his ears as Ellie screamed and Emma cried softly her foot pressed flat on the accelerator.

"I'm sorry Ryan." She whispered her eyes fixed on him, Ryan looked up and the glare of the red light ahead filled his eyes causing him to squint his hands again fumbling with the seat belt and he desperately tried to ram it into the buckle. The car sped on shooting past the red lights and across the junction. The lorry coming from the right had no opportunity to stop. It hit the car full force sending the station wagon rolling over across the road, metal scraping with a sickening crunch, sparks shooting into the night air, engines roaring and horns blaring. The last thing that went through Ryan's mind before the truck hit the car was that moment on the swings with Marissa and Ellie, the moment they had become a make-shift family. He felt his body being hurled upside down and crippling pain but his mind wasn't in the car, it was at the park on the swings. Holding hands with Marissa with Ellie on his lap…then the darkness came.

* * *

Seth drove desperately down the busy roads, looking out for any signs of Emma's beaten car. He chewed on his bottom lip nervously, his hands tapping the steering wheel impatiently. Where was all this traffic coming from? He sighed and peered out of the window, with all this traffic he would never find them. Then he remembered Ryan had left his phone and he could call Emma's mobile. He grabbed the phone that was resting on the passenger seat and flicked it open before scrolling through the recent calls list. When he reached Emma's mobile he pressed call and waited as the traffic slowly crawled forwards. The phone rang four or five times before going straight to voicemail. He hung up, his mouth dry and his hands trembling. Where the hell were they? Were they okay? He closed his eyes and rested his head against the head rest…he couldn't sit in the this traffic any longer. He indicated before pulling out of the lane and taking the long way around…

* * *

Seth could hear sirens and he could see flashing lights ahead and he felt his stomach drop, he felt sick as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. It was just a coincidence, he was being stupid. He rounded the corner and the lights got brighter as he saw police cars surrounding the scene. He leaned out the window and swallowed hard as he caught site of a wrecked station wagon, lying in a twisted heap on the road side, the side of a large truck pressed against it…the station wagon looked familiar…too familiar. His mouth felt like sandpaper as his hands started to shake. It was Emma's …

He swerved out of the lane hurriedly, parking the car on the side of the roads causing angry drivers to yell and beep loudly. He ignored them, his heart pounding and his blood rushing in his ears. He shut off the ignition and scrambled out of the car, stumbling as he slammed the door and dodged through the slow moving traffic his mind racing…He broke into a run, getting steadily nearer to the wreck his feet echoing the racing rhythm of his heart. He stopped in his tracks his eyes burning with tears as he heard cries from inside…it was Ellie crying.

He ran forward again but his path was blocked by a tall police man who stood in the way. Seth looked up in frustration at the burly man.

"I'm sorry sir but you can't come through here." He said in a deep gruff voice. Seth didn't have time for this, finding his voice he managed…

"That's my brother in there and my niece…" He cried his voice shaking, a large painful lump forming in his throat as he forced back tears. The policeman frowned before looking apologetic and letting him pass. He ran forward, his feet slipping on the icy road then crunching on shards of broken glass. His legs felt like lead as he urged himself to walk over, feeling like he was ready to pass out there and then. The car was on it's side, the metal twisted and dented, the window panes emptied of glass. On the other side the bulk of a truck was perched precariously, groaning and shifting with the weight. A disorientated, bloody trucker was talking to a police officer…Seth drew his gaze away from the greying truck driver and willed it back to the wreckage. On the passenger seat, nearest the cold road he could make out the crumpled form of his brother. His face was pressed against the side of the car, his face pale and still…a large gash stood out vividly against his pale features and his eyes were closed. One hand was wrapped around his chest tightly, the other hanging loosely at his side, his whole frame was limp and lifeless. His torso was blocked by a shard of metal and a twisted limp air bag, the brilliant white spattered with little red spots. Seth felt nausea wash over him as he struggled to take in the scene before him. His heart start to pound faster and harder against his ribs as he heard Ellie's screams from inside. He slowly dropped down to his knees his head spinning, he couldn't believe this was actually happening. He knelt in front of his brother's lifeless form and peered deeper into the wreckage of the car, he saw Emma's limp lifeless body spread halfway over the bonnet and half of it still in the car, no seat belt. Her face was pale and her eyes open and glazed…she was dead. Seth felt bile rise in his throat but he willed the nausea to stop, he needed to help his brother and his niece. He looked around the car, his hands resting on the twisted window frame. The ambulance would be there soon, he should wait for them…but that's when he heard the slow dripping of liquid, spattering against a hard surface…that's when he saw the petrol leaking from the teetering lorry above, and the smoke rising from the deformed bonnet of the car. He didn't have much time. His attention snapped from the petrol back to the car in front of him when he heard a feeble coughing and spluttering.

His heart skipped a beat as Ryan weakly coughed again, pain etched across his features. His brow knitted in obvious discomfort as his eyelids slowly fluttered open, closed again then finally opened. He looked around quickly in a panic and Seth felt relief wash over him…he was alive.

"Ry…Ryan, Ryan can you hear me? It's Seth." He said desperately his voice wavering, thick with emotion and surppressed tears as his brother blinked blearily, his gaze looking around frantically before finally resting on Seth.

With each feeble breath Ryan took it felt like knives were piercing through his chest, he could taste coppery blood in his mouth and his whole body was searing with white hot pain. His head ached as Seth's face swam before him, his head spinning. He felt numb with cold, each violent shiver sending pain shooting through him. Even through all this pain, all he could think about was Ellie.

"S…Seth…" He whispered weakly his eyes drooping shut again before he forced them open with difficulty, it was becoming harder and harder with each second passing to keep them open. This was it…he thought, this was how he was going to die.

Seth felt his heart breaking as he looked down at his desperate brother, he could see how much pain he was in and there was nothing he could do. He bent closer to his brother, trying to smile through the warm tears which were now coursing down his cheeks.

"It's okay man, I'm gonna get you out of here." He said taking his brother's cold, bruised hand and squeezing it. Ryan closed his eyes and swallowed ignoring the fiery pain coursing through him. He opened them again slowly his heart aching as he looked into his brother's face, he wouldn't let it end like this. He had to get his daughter out, Ellie was all that mattered.

"E…Ellie." He stammered shivering violently, he could hear sirens distantly drawing closer.

"Ellie's fine man…we'll get her out. It's okay, you're going to be fine." Seth said his voice breaking as another warm salty tear slid down his numb cheeks. He couldn't take this in, this wasn't supposed to happen…Ryan didn't deserve this…he would be fine, he told himself firmly. Ryan seemed to be struggling to get his words out, this was bad. Ryan needed help now.

"No…there isn't time…I can see the smoke just a…as well as you can. G…get her out Seth, sh…she's more important. Please…get her out." He pleaded tears forming in his eyes as he shivered again violently, growing dizzier by the second. Seth shook his head tears falling faster.

"Ryan…wh…what about you? I can't just leave you…" He whispered his heart hammering as he watched Ryan get weaker and weaker, and paler and paler…it was like he was deteriorating in front of him. Ryan swallowed hard, pain written across his pale face as his eyelids drooped lower.

"Yes you can. Seth, I don't matter…Ellie does, please…just do this for me. Get her out. Please just do this to me, I'll…I'll be okay." He said shakily as he blinked back tears. Seth wiped his eyes quickly as the tears fell faster. He couldn't believe he was doing this…He had to, he had to do this for his brother. He nodded solemnly and Ryan nodded back his head spinning, Seth gripped his hand tightly.

"I love you man." He said, Ryan felt tears burning in his eyes as his vision greyed slightly

"I love you too man and…and If I don't…If I…tell…tell Marissa that, tell her I will always love her." He said, just saying those words broke his heart, knowing that he might not be able to see her face again, hold her in his arms, kiss her and tell her that he loved her…

"It won't come to that." Seth said before giving with brother's hand a final squeeze and dodging around the other side of the wrecked car to the smashed window where Ellie was sitting in her booster seat balling, she looked unharmed apart from a small cut on her forehead. Seth pulled his sleeves down to avoid the broken glass, he was going to do this for his brother, and then he was going to get him out. He wasn't leaving him in here and he wasn't going to die. He tried the door once but it was jammed. He sighed before reaching in with both arms his mind buzzing and his heart aching as he heard Ryan coughing from the front seat. He carefully unbuckled the seatbelt holding Ellie in her seat with one arm and supported her with the other. She continued to cry loudly calling out for Ryan, Seth managed to pull her gently out his whole body shaking as he pulled her into his arms. A police officer who had been standing by offered to take her from Seth as the ambulances pulled up to the scene but Seth knew what he had to do…He held Ellie tightly to his chest trying to sooth her as he returned back to Ryan's side of the car, he knelt back down Ellie still in his arms as his heart began to hammer again. He looked into his brother's face but his eyes were closed…his face pale and still, blood dripping from his gash and his blue shirt was dark with blood…

"Ryan." He choked out Ellie still wailing and groping at Seth's shirt. Ryan didn't stir nor make a sound. He lay perfectly still…Seth held Ellie tightly, his arms shaking as he held her.

"Ryan?" He whispered his eyes burning and his throat aching as time stopped still…waiting for Ryan to say something…or just to move. The smoke billowing from the bonnet was choking Seth as the teetering lorry groaned dangerously again. Suddenly paramedics started rushing over and Seth was quickly moved aside with comforting, patronising words. There was a flurry of activity around him whilst he stood there dazed, everything going on around him whilst he just stood still…He still couldn't take the whole thing in, the fact that he might lose his brother tonight…he wasn't ready to let him go. Emma couldn't take him away from him. He rocked Ellie gently in his arms before he heard yells from the paramedics then his heart jumped into his throat…

* * *

_Wow so that was a lot of drama for one post huh? Well I hope you enjoyed it because there is more to come, but only if you review your little hearts out...3, 2, 1 GO!_

_Next Time: Ryan is pulled from the car and things don't look good, Seth calls Summer who has to break the news to Marissa who is in Paris.._


	23. Breaking point

A/N I know it's been a while but thanks for the fab reviews guys, you're all so great! Luv ya all so I hope you enjoy this and please tell me what you think!

* * *

Seth watched in sick fascination and horror as Ryan's limp body was carried from the wreckage and put on a trolley, paramedics rushing around him. His once blue shirt was a dark shade of crimson and his leg was definitely not right. He felt sick as he watched Ryan's arm flop lifelessly from across his chest and hang limply from the trolley. He felt a hot wave of nausea wash over him and he quickly handed Ellie to a passing medic mumbling something incomprehensible before bending over and vomiting onto the roadside. He gasped and spat as his throat burned, his stomach churning and his hands shaking as small beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He quickly took Ellie back and rushed over to Ryan's limp body that was being lifted into the ambulance. A paramedic quickly turned to him.

"Can you back off please sir, we need space and you should get your kid checked out…if you try that man over." The paramedic started but Seth cut him off.

"She's not mine, she's my niece…his daughter. I'm his brother." He said nodding towards Ryan who was now sporting an oxygen mask and quickly being hooked to a monitor as medics rushed around him. The paramedic frowned slightly.

"Please, just tell me if he is okay…I need to know. Please." He pleaded desperately tears welling again in his eyes as he resisted the nausea that was creeping up on him again. The medic sighed, he couldn't help but feel sorry for this guy. His brother was in a mess and he looked like he was about to pass out with worry.

"I can't really say anything right now, it's too soon but I tell you what…I'll bend the rules a little and you can ride in the ambulance up to the hospital as long as you keep her on your lap." He said nodding towards Ellie who had toned her cries down to sniffles and was obviously exhausted…Seth smiled despite the situation, grateful.

"Thanks." He said weakly before clambering into the ambulance. He placed Ellie gently on his knees as he stared down at Ryan's still, blood spattered form. His face was pale and slack, the bruises and scrapes stood out vividly against his complexion. If it wasn't for the slow laboured, rise and fall of his chest Seth would have thought he was dead. He blinked back burning tears and sighed deeply bringing his gaze away from Ryan. He couldn't believe this was happening, thanks to Emma Ryan was fighting for his life…he didn't deserve it. He it was a cliché but it was true, bad things do always happen to good people. And Ryan was a good person, he couldn't lose him. He was his brother and he loved him, he needed him around, Marissa needed him, she loved him and Ellie needed him the most, She couldn't lose her father. He watched as the medic on the other side attached things to Ryan, looked at machines, injected him with various things whilst Ryan lay there, totally oblivious to everything going on around him. Seth couldn't process the evening's events, his head was still throbbing and every time he closed his eyes he could see Ryan lying lifelessly in the wreckage, Ellie screaming and Emma's dead, lifeless body slumped over the steering wheel…her glazed eyes staring at him. He could hear the steady beep of the machines and the paramedics muttering incomprehensible medical terms to each other.

_Tachychardic, BP is low…90/60. Sats and resps low, guarding on the lower left quad, abdomen distended. pulse 125 apical and respirations 32_

He rocked Ellie gently as she sniffled and reached out for Ryan, calling for her dad and tugging on his bloodstained shirt sleeve. Seth felt a tear slide down his cold cheeks and he wiped it away before soothing Ellie and looking down at his brother.

"It's gonna be okay man." He whispered reassuring himself more than an unconscious Ryan

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Summer frowned as she stepped through the open front door and looked around, if she couldn't hear Seth then he probably wasn't here but…where was he? Ryan wasn't home either and Seth was supposed to be looking after Ellie. She sighed and closed the door behind her.

"Seth?...Ryan?" She called out but received only the creaks of an empty house in reply. She pulled of her jacket and flung it over the back of a chair and hung her keys on the peg on the wall. She rested her hand on her stomach, the baby was pressing against her bladder again. She headed off to the bathroom when the phone began to ring. She turned back, she better answer it…maybe it was Seth and he would explain why he wasn't here. She yawned widely before picking up the telephone.

"Hello." She said tiredly, she could hear bustling and other voices on the line before a sigh…

"Sum? It's Seth I…" He began, but he trailed off his voice breaking as he forced back the tears. When Summer heard his voice she immediately began to worry an dread filled her as she gripped the phone a little tighter.

"Seth? What's wrong? Where are you?" She asked quickly. She could hear heavy breathing and sniffing…

"I…I'm at the hospital. It…it's Ryan, there was an accident and…it's bad and…Emma…Emma's dead and I don't know what's going on with Ryan but I need you and…" He trailed off as tears leaked faster from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and resting on his chin.

"Okay Seth calm down, I'll be there in a few minutes okay. Where's Ellie?" She asked trying to keep herself calm and wondering what the hell Emma had to do with this.

"She's with the doctor but…but she's ok. Can, can you call Marissa?" He asked quietly. Summer swallowed, this was serious. She regained her voice and blinked quickly pushing back tears.

"Sure, just stay calm okay. I'm sure Ryan will be fine, I'll call Marissa and let her know then meet you there okay?" She said waiting for a reply, Seth mumbled a thanks.

"Please hurry up Summer…I'll see you soon and…be careful." He added before hanging up.

Summer put the phone down with shaking hands before leaning back against the wall and closing her eyes, trying to blink back the salty tears that were burning in the backs of her eyes. She breathed in deeply through her nose as she steadied her shaking hands and tried to calm herself down…she couldn't be like this when she called Marissa…She wiped her eyes, smudging her mascara down her cheeks leaving black tracks down her face. She sighed shakily before glancing at her watch…she should be landing now. This wasn't fair, things were finally going fine for the both of them, they were both happy and now something like this happened. She didn't know exactly what had happened but she knew it involved Emma…She quickly dialled Marissa's mobile, her hands shaking as she gripped the phone and waited blinking back the rapidly falling tears. She had gotten so close to Ryan, closer than she ever thought she would have…thinking about when she first met him in Newport. She had been such a b!tch back then, but he had been there for her and he was a great guy…he didn't deserve this. As the phone began to ring the tears fell faster and then the ringing stopped and Marissa picked up…

"Hi, sorry I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave a message after the tone I should get back to you! (laughing) Ryan how do you turn this off!" There was more laughing on the line before the tone sounded, Summer felt a sob escape her throat as she began to tremble…

"Coop it's me, Summer I…It's Ryan, I'm so sorry but…there's been an accident and…and you need to come back, he's in hospital…Call me when you get this…" She said her voice hitching and breaking with emotion as she ended the call before sliding down against the wall, wrapping her arms tightly around her torso and breaking down into desperate sobs, her chest heaving as tears cascaded from her hazel eyes. She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them closer to herself, resting her head on top of her arms and breathing out shakily…trying to steady herself. She needed to pull herself together, she had to be strong for Seth and Marissa and for Ryan.

* * *

Seth paced across the waiting room carpet anxiously, chewing on his thumb nail as the seconds ticked slowly by. He had heard nothing since Ryan had been bought in but he had never been more scared in his life…on the way here Ryan's heart had stopped twice…he had flatlined twice…he had died twice. As soon as he got here he had been shoved aside whilst Ryan was rushed off somewhere else in the hospital and forced to sign papers and wait in here, and he hadn't heart anything about his brother since. Through the silence of the room all he kept hearing was the high pitched continuous beep…the sound that had made his heart leap into his throat. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Ryan lying still, covered in blood, not moving nor making a sound, he saw Emma's limp lifeless body, he saw Ellie screaming, he saw the wrecked twisted car…he saw the green flat line across the monitor screen. He stopped pacing abruptly as the door opened, looking up hopefully his heart hammering but only to see another distraught relative shuffle into the room, waiting to hear about their loved one. He watched the couple sit down in the corner of the room and hold each other, arm in arm and he sighed scrubbing a hand over his face…he needed Summer…he needed his mom or his dad. Then he realised…he hadn't called them! He frowned shoving his hands in his pockets. They needed to know…He sighed again heavily before walking quickly out of the room and over to the nearest payphone.

He dug deep into his jeans pocket and pulled out a quarter, running a hand through his tangled hair in frustration, his face was pale and his eyes surrounded by dark circles, he was exhausted. He yawned widely as he pushed the coin smoothly into the slot and dialled in his parents number, the number he had dialled only a few hours ago to tell his parents about his engagement to Summer. He smiled as he thought of Summer, they had been engaged for a few hours, they were supposed to be having sex right now not waiting in a hospital to hear whether his brother was supposed to live or not, he would have to put his relationship on hold for the moment…As the phone began to ring he closed his eyes, the images flashing through his head again whilst tears burned in his eyes. The ringing stopped with a click and Seth swallowed hard.

"The Cohen residence." Sandy said brightly, keeping one eye on Kirsten who was kissing his neck softly. Seth paused trying to find his voice, at first it came out as a croak but as he steadied himself he began to talk, trying to keep his voice even as he shakily gripped the receiver.

"Um Dad it's…it's Seth I…"He started his voice wavering as his stomach churned, how was he going to tell them.

"Seth! How're you doing? Shouldn't you be busy with Summer right now?" He said with a slight laugh waiting for a disgusted comment from Seth but when none came..he knew something was wrong.

"Seth?" He asked as the silence continued. Seth swallowed again a painful lump in his throat as he looked down at the floor.

"Dad I…It's Ryan, there…there's been an accident and…I need you Dad, it's bad…I…I don't know what to do and…you need to get here…" He stammered his voice thick with suppressed emotion. Sandy went stiff in his wife's arms causing her to step back, watching her husband's expression change rapidly as the colour drained from his face. She watched him a frown on her face, suddenly concerned.

"What? Is…is he okay?" He asked knowing it was a stupid question, if Ryan was okay Seth wouldn't have called him. His head was spinning and his stomach felt like lead as he heard his son sniff and clear his throat…

"No…he's not Dad, they haven't told me anything but it…he's not okay." He said as the tears started again, he didn't think he had any left…

Sandy turned to his wife, his eyes desperate and lost. He couldn't take this in, his son could be dying hundreds of miles away…he couldn't lose him.

"Okay Seth, we'll leave now, it's going to be okay. He'll be okay, just hang in there. We'll be there as soon as possible. Call us when you hear anything." He said trying to stay calm as Kirsten looked to him for answers, her heart beating faster as each second passed…this conversation didn't sound good. Sandy hung up before turning to his wife, his blue eyes sparkling with tears, his face pale and tired.

"What is it?" She asked shakily, dreading the reply. Sandy looked down before meeting his wife's concerned gaze.

"That was Seth…Ryan's been in an accident, it's serious. He said we need to get there." He said quietly as Kirsten stared at him in disbelief, this couldn't be happening…everything had been fine a few hours ago and now…now her son was in hospital. She felt tears well in her eyes and she hugged Sandy tightly, throwing her arms around him as tears fell softly down her cheeks, her frail frame shaking as he snaked his arms around her, tears welling in his eyes too. They couldn't lose a child…

* * *

Marissa stared up at the flight board exasperatedly, her flight had been delayed for three hours! She sighed and leant back in the lounge armchair folding her arms and pulling her phone from her pocket. She wished she didn't have to go, she wanted to stay here with Ryan and Ellie, he needed her to be there for him. Especially with Emma calling all the time. Sometimes she hated her job. She flicked her phone open and glanced at the screen, spotting that she had two messages. One from Ryan's cell and one from home. She smiled and listened to the first one that had been left earlier, must have been on his way back from dropping her off. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear she opened the message.

"Hey It's Me, just wanted to say I hope you have a great time in France. I'll miss you and you better buy me something. Love you loads and Ellie says hi. Bye."

She felt a smile creep across her face, he was so sweet. She loved him so much, it just made it even harder for her to leave…even though it was only for a few days, it would feel like a lifetime. She opened the second message, it had only been left a few minutes ago. Expecting it to be Ryan again she was surprised when Summer's voice echoed in her ears…then concerned when she heard her tone.

"Coop it's me, Summer I…It's Ryan, I'm so sorry but…there's been an accident and…and you need to come back, he's in hospital…Call me when you get this…"

She almost dropped the phone as her heart began to beat faster, her stomach churning and her mind buzzing…an accident, he was in hospital. Ryan was in hospital. She felt warm salty tears creep into her eyes as she ran through all the different scenarios…she had to get to him now. Oh god, she couldn't believe this was happening, a few hours ago she had been kissing him goodbye and now he was in hospital. He had to be okay, he had to…she couldn't function without him. Scrambling shakily to her feet, she picked up her bags and hurried out of the lounge, tears streaming down her face, not caring that she was smudging her makeup as she stumbled from the room fighting back sobs as she pulled open her phone…she had to get to him.

* * *

Marissa jumped into the first cab that pulled up, she threw her bags into the seat next to her and pulled the door shut behind her, tears still flowing fast she ran a hand through her hair and sniffed.

"The hospital please." She managed to stammer. The cab driver nodded

"Yes ma'am." He said glancing at her in the rear view mirror and taking a double take…he had Marissa Cooper in his cab. He smiled slightly before pulling out.

Marissa watched the buildings whip past and she felt tears dripping slowly from her eyes and into her lap. She rested her head against the cool glass as small flakes of snow danced and twirled on the bouncing winds. Just a few hours ago she was in his arms kissing him and telling him how much she loved him and now she didn't even know if he was alive or not. She fought back another sob and closed her eyes trying to block out the ever faster flowing tears. Images of him ran through her head, him standing in the driveway smoking when they first met, their first kiss on the ferris wheel, New Years Eve, Watching him drive away from Newport in Theresa's car, kissing him on the beach, laying in his arms, their first I love you, the prom, him proposing, kissing him in the rain, watching him sleep, saying goodbye to him at the airport. She replayed every kiss, every hug, everytime she lay in his arms, every fight, every tear shed over him, every "I love you". She couldn't lose him, she wasn't whole without him, she loved him more than anyone in the whole world and she couldn't live a day knowing she would never see him again. He had to be okay.

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The automatic doors slid smoothly open as Summer ran through them tears blinding her as she looked desperately around for Seth. She walked quickly towards the reception desk her hands shaking as she lay them on the counter, the receptionist looked up with a smile.

"Hello how can I help you?" She said brightly. Summer swallowed and sniffed trying to suppress a sob.

"I uh, I'm looking for my um…my Brother –in-law he was bought in earlier. His name is Ryan Atwood." She said her voice shaking, she ran a trembling hand through her dark brown hair, pushing it away from her face and wiping her eyes on the backs of her hand. The receptionist typed into her computer and shuffled through some forms.

"Oh yes, He's being treated right now so if you would like to go to the relatives room down the hall a doctor will see you soon."

Summer nodded causing more tears to fall and muttered a hurried thanks before walking down the hall, people jostling past her, doctors handing each other charts, people waiting for a doctor, children crying…She found a room around the corner labelled Relatives room and she opened it gingerly. She peered inside, in the corner was a small family on the other side she saw him. Slumped in a chair, his head in his hands. She walked slowly over to him and he looked up meeting her eyes, they were dull and tired but when he saw her he smiled weakly and got slowly to his feet.

"Oh Seth." She whispered her voice breaking as he threw his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder as she buried her head in his chest beginning to sob openly. He swallowed hard letting tears burn in his eyes and flow freely down his cheeks before settling on Summer's shoulder as she sobbed in his arms. He swallowed hard, a painful lump settling in his throat as the tears flowed faster and faster. They stood there wrapped in each other's arms for a few more seconds until Summer drew away sniffing and wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. She looked up at Seth who wasn't meeting her gaze, her hands shaking she reached out and tilted his face back to face hers, forcing his teary eyes back to hers.

"What happened?" She whispered her voice quavering as she looked straight into his eyes, reflected back in them was hurt, anger, loss, despair all at the same time as she scanned across his face…wiping a tear that had settled on his cheek with her thumb. He sighed shakily his hands trembling as he rubbed her back gently…There was a long silence before he had enough confidence in his own voice to speak.

"E…Emma, she…she showed up and, she must have let herself in and…I was by myself upstairs I..I was going to check on Ellie and then she must have knocked me out or something because…next thing I know I found myself on the floor and…" he stopped as the tears continued, he sniffed and cleared his throat before soldiering on.

"I heard shouting and, I went downstairs and Ellie was screaming…Ellie was saying something to Ryan and she as leaving…then she kicked Ryan…in…" He nodded and Summer realised what he was talking about and signalled for him to continue, hiding her clenched fists in her pockets as Emma's name was bought up again. She rubbed Seth's arm gently trying to keep him going.

"She…she took Ellie and she…she left, Me and Ryan, we followed her down the road and…he called her and got her to pull over. He said he was going to talk to her, he got out the car and…I stayed in there…if I'd have gone with him Sum none of this would have happened…" He said desperately his voice breaking as he dissolved into desperate tears. Sobs wracked his whole body as he collapsed into a chair, Summer quickly sat next to him and gathered him into her arms, pulling him close to her as he sobbed like a small child. She cradled him gently, soothing him and whispering in his ear as tears burned in her own eyes. This wasn't fair, why was this happening? Ryan didn't deserve this…

She let Seth cry in her arms for a minute or so until he was reduced to silence. He gently pulled away from her, wiping his blood shot eyes and looking embarrassed.

"Sorry." He mumbled hoarsely, Summer smiled weakly and brushed a loose curl away from his forehead.

"Don't apologise. You have nothing to apologise for." She said trying to sound as firm as possible which was difficult when she was fighting the urge to break down into sobs. She couldn't imagine how Seth must be feeling right now, sure Ryan was one of her best friends in the world but he was Seth's brother…They sat in silence for a few seconds, just wrapped in each other's arms before Seth spoke again.

"He was in the car with her and I was behind, I could hear them arguing and then the engine started and the car pulled away. I didn't know what else to do so I tried to follow them but Emma, she was…she was driving all over the place and I lost them…There was loads of traffic and all I remember thinking was that I had to find Ryan and Ellie…I took a shortcut and then I saw Emma's car it…it was a wreck. It was under a truck and…I got out the car and I ran over and there was petrol everywhere, Ellie was crying and Ryan…he was awake. He knew the car wouldn't hold, he knew it…he asked me to get Ellie out, There wasn't time to get them both out Sum…He made me promise to get her out so…so I left him in there by himself. I could see Emma and…she…she was dead and I just remember feeling glad, and I know that makes me a terrible person but it was like…I thought she deserved it." He trailed off into silence and Summer rubbed his hand gently.

"That doesn't make you a bad person Seth, it makes you a brother…and a friend, and an uncle, not a bad person."

"I got Ellie out, she had a cut on her head but she seemed fine, I went round the other side of the car to talk to Ryan and…his eyes were closed and…he was so pale Sum…What if he doesn't make it? What will I do? He's my brother and my best friend and…what about Ellie? I love him Sum and I can't lose him…he was the first friend I ever had…" He said tears starting in his eyes once more. Summer couldn't handle this, tears cascaded down her cheeks as she hugged Seth fiercely, pulling him so tightly towards herself.

"You can't talk like that Seth. Ryan's a fighter, he'll make it through this okay?" She said looking Seth determinedly in the eyes as tears streamed from both pairs as they looked at eachother. Seth nodded weakly dropping his gaze.

"I called Marissa…well I left a message…she didn't call back yet. Have you called your parents?" She asked quietly. Seth nodded again and she squeezed his hand.

"It'll be okay."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So as long as it doesn't get infected there should be no further complications. She was very lucky." The doctor said with a smile as he handed Summer a quiet and sleepy Ellie.

"Thank you so much Dr." She said warmly as he led her out of the cubicle. Seth had stayed in the waiting room in case they heard anything. The doctor left with a smile and a wave and Summer looked down at Ellie with a sad sigh. Did she even have a clue what was happening to her Dad? If he didn't make it, she would remember him right? She knew she shouldn't be thinking like this but just looking at her she was reminded so much of Ryan. Cradling a now sleeping Ellie in her arms she walked back towards the waiting room. She didn't know what they were going to do, they didn't want to leave Ellie with someone else right now and what if Ryan wanted to see her? But they had nothing with them to look after her with, it was all at the house. She sighed, maybe when she knew what was going on with Ryan she could go and get some stuff…

* * *

Marissa swallowed hard and closed her eyes willing back the rising nausea and the sobs that wanted to escape her throat. She watched as more buildings whipped quickly past, she had tried calling Summer back but her phone was off…you couldn't have your phones on in hospitals. She sighed, why was this happening? Everything was finally going right for a change and something like this had to come along and ruin it, it wasn't fair. She looked into the rear view mirror and met her tear-filled eyes and pale, drawn face before the cabby met her gaze.

"You're Marissa Cooper...you're probably the most famous person I've had in my cab, the only person that comes close is that guy from that phone advert…so are you really going out with that architect?" He asked keeping one eye on the road.

Marissa sighed desperately, her heart aching at the mention of Ryan. She blinked causing tears to spill rapidly from her sapphire eyes. The cabby frowned slightly.

"Did I say the wrong thing?" He asked quickly noticing the state she was. She shook her head and a sob escaped her throat loudly before she broke down into silent tears. The driver switched lanes looking back in confusion at the crying woman in the back of his cab, what had he done?

"It's not you…I just need to get to the hospital please." She managed through her tears. The cabby swallowed and nodded feeling guilty.

"Sorry ma'am I should have known you'd gotten bad news. I'll get you there as fast as possible." He said stepping on the accelerator feeling worse than ever. Something bad had obviously happened and now he had made it worse…great he'd probably get sued now. He pulled off a turning and came into the road where the hospital was. He pulled into the entrance and turned back to talk to the girl but she had already shot out the door, pulling her bags after her. She chucked a handful of notes at the driver.

"Thank you." She threw over her shoulder before breaking into a run towards the entrance. She needed to know exactly what had happened and if he was okay…She dropped her bags by a bench not caring what happened to them and ran through the doors into the main floor. She looked around desperately, tears blurring her vision as she looked around for any sign of a familiar face…she stumbled up to the reception desk, brushing the hair away from her face as she wiped her eyes quickly.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for my boyfriend…Ryan Atwood." She managed her voice quavering. The receptionist looked up and did a double take before typing into her computer.

"He's being treated right now, so if you'd like to wait in the relatives room a doctor will see you shortly. But if you'd like somewhere more private I'm sure that could be arranged." She said with a smile. Marissa frowned.

"What?"

"You are Marissa Cooper right? I'm a fan of yours, I think your so beautiful…so are you dating that architect then? I must say I preferred Jake, he was so cute." She babbled on. Marissa ran a hand through her hair.

"Jake was a cheating, lying pig and yes…I am dating that architect and his name is Ryan Atwood and that is who I am here to see, I don't need a private room I will wait in the normal place like everyone else okay?" She snapped tears forming in her eyes once more, the receptionist flushed red and regained her composure.

"Second door on the left…" She mumbled

Marissa didn't have time to apologise, she took off pushing past a small crowd of boy scouts when she ran straight into someone. She stumbled her heart hammering and blood rushing in her ears as she trembled from head to foot, she straightened up.

"Watch it." She heard a familiar voice say, she looked up and came face to face with Summer.

"Summer!" She cried throwing her arms around her friend and hugging her tightly, knocking her back slightly. Summer stumbled but when she realised it was Marissa she wrapped her arms around her friend and hugged her back glad she was finally here. She could feel Marissa crying softly and she soothed her gently. She felt like she was having to comfort everyone when all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry but she knew she had to be here for Seth and Marissa right now…Marissa slowly pulled away, aware that her makeup was halfway down her face but she didn't care.

"How is he?" She whispered her voice thick witch emotion and tears. Summer took her hand.

"I don't know, we haven't heard anything yet…" She said sadly, Marissa felt a fresh wave of salty tears assaulting her eyes as she let out a strangled sob.

"What happened Sum?" She asked desperately…Summer opened her mouth to speak when she was interrupted by a tall dark haired doctor who cleared his throat.

"Are you here for Ryan Atwood?"

* * *

A/n I know another cliffy but I have a problem, I can't stop using them! Maybe it's to get more reviews hehehe, so you know what to do press the button that is calling you...press me press me

Next Time: The doctor explains Ryan's condition and Marissa, Seth and Summer go to see him before surgery and The Cohen's arrive in New York


	24. Waiting

A/N OMG I am disgusted with myself! Lol I know it's been a ridonculously long time since I last updated and I know there are no excuses! I am so sorry, please forgive me and if anyone is still reading this I am so sorry and hope this new chapter will make up for the long time of no updates!

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"Um yes, She's his girl…uh fiancée and I'm his future sister in law, his brother is in the relatives room." Summer said quickly taking charge seeing as Marissa wasn't in a state to answer questions right now.

"Okay, I'm Ryan's doctor, Dr Reynolds. Maybe we should speak in the relatives room so Mr Atwood's brother can know what is going on." He said kindly leading them into the waiting room. Marissa followed numbly, her legs moving on their own accord whilst her mind was still at the airport when she had gotten that phonecall. She still couldn't believe it, they had sorted things out and she was going to go away and then come back to him and things would be fine and now she didn't even know if he was alive or not and it wasn't like the doctor was giving anything away. She heard the door close behind her and was aware of Seth abruptly standing up and looking between Summer, Marissa and the Doctor searching their faces for any signs that would give something away about Ryan's condition.

"Ryan Atwood's brother I presume?" The doctor asked looking at Seth but not seeing a family resemblance, mind you with the state his brother had come in it wasn't that easy to test any likenesses. Seth nodded hurriedly and stepped forward thrusting his hand out and shaking hands with the Doctor.

"Is he okay? What's going on?" Seth asked quickly as Summer joined him at his side, squeezing his hand tightly. Marissa wished Ryan was here so she could be in his arms again, she wished he could comfort her…Tell her things were going to be okay, but if he could do that she wouldn't even be in this situation. The doctor sighed and put on his glasses as he glanced at his clipboard.

"Well Mr Atwood was brought in with a number of serious injuries, as well as many bruises and contusions his leg was broken in two places and 3 ribs were cracked as well as two being broken. One of the broken ribs punctured his lung on impact causing breathing difficulties and the lung to collapse. We have managed to stabilise his breathing using a ventilator and a chest tube but he will need surgery to rebuild part of the lung. He suffered from quite a serious head injury which has caused quite a severe concussion and some swelling of the brain but that should go down in time but we need to monitor the injury very carefully over the next few hours. After CT scans we also think that Ryan may be suffering from internal bleeding mainly around the spleen and liver but there may be some kidney damage which can be corrected in surgery. Basically he is listed as stable but critical and is currently in ICU while we prep him for surgery. He will need the emergency surgery now and then when he eventually recovers from that he will need surgery on his leg." The doctor finished hating this part of the job as the three people in front of him took in everything he said all looking horrified.

Marissa swallowed hard tears burning in her eyes, she couldn't take all of this in. How could he be this badly hurt? She had just been kissing him a few hours ago and now he needed emergency surgery and he had internal bleeding? Why was this happening to them, it wasn't fair. Ryan was a great guy, the greatest guy she had ever met and he didn't deserve this, all those people in the world who were doing terrible things and getting away with it when Ryan, a good guy was suffering. She could hear Summer softly sobbing whilst Seth stood there silently, paling visibly as he looked down at the floor. She looked up her vision blurred by tears and met the doctor's gaze.

"Will he make it through this?" She asked, voicing the question that was running through everyone's mind, her voice trembling and uneven. Seth and Summer looked up, everyone watching and waiting for the answer…Marissa felt her heart beat faster and faster pounding against her chest her blood rushed in her ears as the doctor frowned and looked down before meeting her gaze reluctantly.

"I'm afraid due to the extent of his injuries Mr Atwood has a small chance of making a full recovery…I'm very sorry." He hated this part of his job.

Marissa felt like she had been punched in the stomach, her blood ran cold as she processed the possibility that Ryan might not make it through this. How could she cope if he didn't make it? She couldn't imagine life without him now…not being able to sink into his warm embrace, not able to feel his strong arms around her, not feeling his lips against hers, not hearing his laugh, seeing his smile, looking into his deep blue eyes…

"But there is still a chance, he is in ICU right now if you want to see him before surgery." The doctor said as Marissa dissolved into desperate sobs, collapsing into Summer's arms as Seth nodded numbly his face pale as he soaked up the news he had just been given. He could believe this was actually happening, the whole evening he had expected to wake up in his own bed lying next to Summer and to find Ryan making breakfast or playing with Ellie…but he hadn't woken up yet.

"We'd like that." Summer said weakly talking for Marissa and Seth who were both incapable right now. She had to be there for them, they needed her. She couldn't get upset now, she needed to be the strong one. She could grieve later but right now she needed to take charge of the situation.

"I'll take you up there, you have a little time before we need to prep him."

* * *

Marissa jumped slightly as the door to Ryan's room slid open, her legs trembling beneath her and her whole frame shaking with trepidation. She peered inside slowly, she had left Summer to comfort Seth whilst she went to see Ryan first. Ellie was in the crèche at the moment until Summer found someone to look after her. As Marissa entered the room the sounds of beeping, hissing and rhythmic buzzing assaulted her ears and she wrapped her arms around herself protectively. Drawing her gaze away from the white floors he gradually lifted her eyes to the bed that sat in the centre of the room and let out a small gasp, holding a delicate hand to her mouth as hot tears slid down her cheeks. She didn't recognise the man in the bed, it was Ryan she knew that but he looked so different. His face was ashen and pale, almost the same colour as the mass of white around him, bruises and scratches stood out starkly against his complexion, a large bruise marring the right side of his face. His blonde bangs hung over his eyes and a large white bandage covered half of his head. His mouth was obscured by a large tube which pumped and hissed loudly, forcing his chest to expand in and out. His hands were bruised and rested on top of the blanket that covered his lower half. His chest was bare and covered in wires and a large purpling bruise covered almost his entire stomach which was swollen. Two IV racks hung on each side of the bed one filled with blood. She took in the scene in front of her which blurred vision as she half sat and half collapsed into the chair by the bed. She took in his appearance again still unable to believe that this was Ryan. He looked so weak and fragile, the Ryan she knew was strong and he could reassure her. She gently took his hand in hers, scared of pulling something out she rubbed it gently with her thumb and held it to her lips, planting a soft kiss on his smooth skin. Tears burst from her eyes once more and she forced out a smile through her tears as she rested her cheek against his skin.

"Hey you…It's me, Marissa." She whispered

silence

"I know what you're thinking, I should be on a plane by now but I couldn't leave you…not like this. Look what you've done to yourself this time eh? If you don't stop ending up in here they're going to have to name a wing after you." She said laughing weakly as she looked into his still face. She paused sighing deeply, trying to pull herself together.

"I thought you'd want to know that Ellie is fine, she wants her daddy though. She wants you to be okay. We all do Ryan. You have to fight this, you have to be strong and make it through because we need you. You're a good person and so many people love you, this isn't your time to go Ryan, you have so much left to give. I love you and I'm not ready to lose you and neither is Ellie. We need you to be okay, she needs her dad and I need you because I can't live without you. You're the reason I get up every morning, you're the reason I carry on…I just want you to know that I love you more than anything or anyone in the world and I will always be here for you, through everything and I will be there for Ellie. You have to be okay Ryan because I need you and I'm not ready to let you go…I'm not ready."

"I'm not ready." She choked through her tears

* * *

Seth stared down at his brother not able to process the night's events. This had to be some twisted nightmare, he would wake up any time now, next to Summer and Ryan and Marissa would be sleeping in the next room, they wouldn't be gathered around his hospital bed wondering if he would make it through the night or not. As he stared down at the figure lying in the bed surrounded by machines and wires he couldn't believe it was really his brother, his brother was strong, in control this couldn't be him. This person was weak, barely able to breathe by himself and totally out of control. He looked so weak, so…

He swallowed hard, blinking quickly as he tried to force the tears from his eyes as they blurred his vision. The steady beeping of the machines punctuated the heavy silence at regular intervals as Seth lowered himself into the lone, hard plastic chair set aside the bed. He adjusted himself awkwardly trying to delay the inevitable, would should he say? What do you say to an unconscious person? He was lost for words, for once in his life, he could always depend on them to get him through a situation and now they had let him down. Did it matter what he said?...Of course it did, he was his brother and there was a possibility he could hear him anyway, he should just have a go…stop worrying about it and start talking.

"Hey man, it's Seth." He started, surprised at how quietly his voice had come out. He cleared his throat and started down at his brother's beaten, battered form with trepidation. When he received only silence in return he soldiered on hopefully.

"I thought you should know Ellie is safe, she's fine. Marissa is here and…God Ryan. Why did this have to happen to you?" He said frustratedly ignoring the burning tears in his eyes.

"Everything was going fine and…You have to make it through this. If you don't I…I don't know what would happen." He said putting his head in his hands. He left a long sielnce composing himself rubbing his eyes and resting his head in his hands as he tried to bring himself back together.

"I just need you to be okay man, we all need you to be okay. You hold everyone together and if you don't make it through this who will I play Warrior Quest with or Grand Theft Auto because let's face it Summer and Marissa suck and Ellie well, we all know she'll whip my a5s in under a second." He said falling back on the wit and sarcasm he could always rely on. He waiting for a smile, a movement…something but received nothing once more.

"I'll be here for you when you wake up, we all will and Ry…If I'm half the father you are I know me and Summer will be fine. Just make sure you fight it through this okay?" He said his voice cracking, he needed his brother. He couldn't lose him, he had been there for him for so many years and if he suddenly wasn't there he didn't know what he would do, if he lost Ryan he would lose his brother and his best friend. He wasn't ready for that.

* * *

As Summer came out from Ryan's room in floods of tears Seth got shakily to his feet and curled his arms around his fiancée, pulling her close to his chest. She buried her head in his shoulder sobbing, her shoulders shaking as she cried, tears rolling down her cheeks and staining Seth's shirt. Her breath hitched as she drew away shakily, raising her large, blood-shot, tear-filled eyes to Seth's. Her cheeks stained with black tracks of mascara.

"He looked so weak…what if he doesn't make it Seth?" She cried as Seth swallowed hard, the lump in his throat growing steadily more painful.

"He will make it, Sum. I know he will." He said resting his chin on top of her head and rubbing her back soothingly.

* * *

Kirsten let out a frustrated sigh as the tray slid open again on the seat in front, she felt tears spring to her eyes as she desperately tried to get it to fasten shut, her hands trembling. Sandy watched his wife and he reached across and fastened the tray shooting her a sympathetic look, she hadn't stopped shaking since they had gotten the call. He took her hands in his and she drew her tear-filled gaze up to face his.

"He'll be okay Kirsten." He whispered trying to reassure himself and her. He knew it was useless, they woudn't rest easy until they knew their son was going to be okay. It didn't help that they were hearing flashes and details from odd news reports telling of a Horror Car crash and every time the plane fell silent Sandy could hear Seth's panicked voice filling his head once more.

"Sandy what if he's not? If he was okay Seth wouldn't have called us, he wouldn't have asked us to take a 5 hour flight if he was okay…" She said desperately as tears began to spill from her eyes and drip slowly down her cheeks as Sandy squeezed her hands gently. Sandy knew she had a point but he couldn't let her give up hope, they couldn't give up hope on their son.

"I know honey, I'm worried too but we need to get some sleep otherwise you wont be up to seeing Ryan when we get there. We have to try and stay positive about this." He said and Kirsten nodded wiping her eyes. She just kept playing those pictures on the news over and over, the wrecked car lying on the ride side. How could anyone survive that? She wouldn't lose her son, she couldn't. What had he done to deserve this? He was a good guy, a great guy and he never did anything wrong. Why did this have to happen to him? She leant back in her chair pulling it back into recline, it was taking everything she had right now not to order a drink but she had to be there for her family when she got there. She needed to be there for Ryan.

Sandy watched as his wife began to drift off into sleep and he glanced at his watch impatiently, he wished the boys didn't live so far away. He kept replaying the call over and over, he couldn't believe this was really happening. He was just praying that Ryan would be okay, if they lost him this whole family would fall apart. Kirsten and Himself would lose a son, Seth would lose a husband, Ellie would lose a Dad, Marissa a boyfriend, Summer a friend. He meant too much to too many people for him to be taken away like this. He had barely lived half a life yet. He deserved a full chance at life and it shouldn't be taken away from him like this. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping during this flight but maybe if Kirsten was he wouldn't have to put on a brave face and he wouldn't have to hide how scared he really was for his son. He wouldn't have to hide that he wasn't as strong as everyone thought. He just wanted to get to New York and see his family.

* * *

Marissa curled her arms around her knees as she drew them tightly up to her chest. She leant against the wall, dropping her head down onto her knees, shutting out the over bright walls of the waiting room, Summer's soft sobs as she felt her baby kicking and Seth's gently murmurings to Summer. They had each other to get them through this, she had no one. The person who was always there to comfort her was fighting for his life. She had tried to sleep but every time she closed her eyes she saw his face, every time she tried to sleep she heard his voice. She had been sitting here for three hours and there was still no word on his condition. But maybe no news was good news, no news meant he wasn't dead. She thought hopefully as she sniffed wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. The mascara had long been cried from her eyes and now she was just left with dirty smudges that stained her flawless cheeks. People had come and gone from the room but she was left here waiting, she couldn't stand this. She had just gotten him back after everything they had been through and now he was being ripped away from her. She let a weak sob escape her throat before closing her eyes. Images filled her eyes and she relished in the happy memories of each other…

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_She rolled over, sleepily opening her eyes to come face to face with Ryan. He was watching her with a smile on his face. He reached out slowly and brushed a stray strand of golden hair from her face and smiled. She found herself flushing and grinning back._

_"Were you watching me sleeping?" She teased playfully as Ryan's smile widened. The sun was rising through the gap in the curtains, bathing the entire room in golden light. His blue eyes sparkled slightly as he kissed her lips lightly causing her smile to widen._

_"Maybe, I can't help it. You look so cute when you're sleeping." He said softly. She traced her hands softly over his bare chest and she rested her head softly on it, listening to the steady beat of his heart as he cradled her in his arms, entwined in each other's embrace._

_"I love you Marissa." He whispered, she felt his warm breath tickling the side of her face and she smiled, sitting up and looking deeply into his dark blue eyes._

_"I love you too."

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_

**Present**

She chewed on her thumbnail her eyes brimming with the tears at the memory of when things were perfect between them, it was moments like those that made life worth living. She knew it sounded corny but she didn't care. She loved him. She stopped biting her nails remembering what Ryan had told her about fingernails.

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_Marissa jumped slightly when Ryan took her hand from her mouth and pulled it out staring down at her fingernails with a frown._

_"You still bite your fingernails?" He said with a slight smile as she withdrew her hand flushing slightly and picking at her nails._

_"What can I say? Old Habits Die Hard."_

_Ryan grinned and looked down at her hands, tracing his fingers delicately over the backs of her hands causing tingles to shoot up her arm._

_"Did you know that if you swallow fingernails they stay in your stomach for 7 years. This guy had stomach pains and he went to the hospital, he ended up having surgery to see what was wrong and they found over a pound of fingernails in his stomach." He said as Marissa wrinkled her nose in disgust._

_"That is so gross. Ok, by the end of the year I will have grown my nails…naturally. No extensions." She said as Ryan raised an eyebrow. She stuck out her hand and he took it gently giving it a shake._

_"Deal."

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_

**Present**

Marissa was pulled by her reverie by the door opening revealing Ryan's doctor standing in the doorway, dressed in blood soaked scrubs and wearing a grim expression. Her heart stopped as she scrambled hurriedly to her feet.

"Miss Cooper…"

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Okay I know this is short but it's better than nothing right? I will try to update really quickly this time...

Next Time: Marissa gets news on Ryan's condition...good or bad? The Cohens arrive


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